Wrote this for school. I thought I'd share.
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Like a pen in timid hands
Held on edge, squeezing tight-
Ink clouds eyes, vision banned
Quench for the dying light.
Shadows wake; groan and rise-
Their thin veil like a gauntlet.
When rafters creak, small dreams devise
Nightmares and all that haunt it.
The fear pounds in many a mind
Inner demons who
At midnight’s fall are quick to find
What’s yet untouched by dew.
There are those who dread the dark
And some who seek to find it.
Embrace the time before the lark.
Ink loves those who don’t bind it.
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Thanks!
I really love this poem!!!! I love the entire theme and rhyming scheme (no rhyme intended). The imagery you have in your writing is just amazing! This review probably isn't any help, I just wanted to compliment you on your writing skills. My favorite line is the last one:
Ink loves those who don’t bind it.
You have great potential!
Keep writing
-Rayne
Thanks
i liked the poem i felt that the comparison with the pen and darkness was a little silly but none the less this poem was really good. the stanzas are set up very well in a way that makes this poem flow really well and the rhyming scheme helped make it great too
Gracias, Ishmael!
Hey Dream! Well, you know me already, so I won't like... introduce myself of anything. Just thought I'd come review this for you!
The first thing I'd like to say is that this was an excellent poem. The flow was awesome, the rhymes were great-- for the most part. (I have something I want to point out in a bit here) and the imagery... well it was fantastic.
I'll start with my least favourite stanza, though.
The last line seemed a little off to me. It could be because my mind is currently being mushy and uncreative (Hence my writer's block that I've been whining about), but it seemed more forced... like you were using it because you were desperate for a rhyme. I don't know for sure, but it just didn't seem nearly as appealing as the rest of the poem was.
Now, my favourite stanzas/lines.
Definitely stanza two:
I loved this stanza. The imagery was the equivilent of awesome. Very well done here!
Then, my other favourite lines:
Loved those lines. Okay, so I adored them. The next line was okay, but it didn't seem nearly as powerful as the rest of the stanza. Which might be a good thing, since it magnifies the other lines... am I making sense here? I hope so. xD
This was my favourite line in the whole poem. It was creative, it was different, and it was very true.
In short, this was very well done! And... I might just have some inspiration now, which means you have broken off a large hunk of my writer's block! (Thanks for that ;D)
x's and o's,
~Ish~
Gracias!
I really enjoy this poem. I especially like how you give me the imagery of the dark clouds how you compared them to black ink. I thought that that was interesting the way you did it in a poem. Poem = Ink. Cool. Keep up the good work!!
Thanks!
Wow, this was great! I liked how you used some good descriptive words. I read it out loud to myself, and it sounds great. The bold part is my only concern. Reading it, it was a little short, then long. See if you can find another word to fit in there. I love your poem because it isn't just another love poem, or other bland, overdone thing.