Young Writers Society

This is a Review.

Hello, Tophats ! how are you? I hope you are fine.

I was reading your poem, it has nice rhyme with words.And you try to focus on true realities. I mean, you pictured your feeling towards the reality very well.But, it may be not easy to understand for all.
And you have such a strong , brave soul that just proved in your poem.I have a friend from Belouchistan, whose poetry is awesome beautiful ! And here , your poetry remind him a bit.

And I am very fond of poetry.I wish you will do best in future, one day.GOD bless you my dear friend.

Please keep writing and give us neat, nice beautiful touch of your words.

Lima

Hey TopHats! I apologize for any typos, as I am Woking on a mobile device.

I must say, I love your poem. The breathlessness between line breaks works very well with your frustrated theme. The comparison between smiles and nooses also seems fitting. I found myself annoyed by the lack of closure until the end, but I felt like this was what you were going for.

However, on my first read it was difficult to understand your message. The poem kind of jumps around and makes it hard for the reader to really get what you're talking about, especially in the las few stanzas. The message is excellent, and I like the way you try to get your point across. You have many good ideas; you just need to work on stringing them together.

This is one of the few times I have not found grammar errors in a work, so congrats.

Keep writing!

-Clipped Wings

This is Yams here for a review!

Let me first get on with the grammar issues-type of thing. There are no stanzas in this poem which you may have not been able to do stanzas due to the Yws publishing center format. Before you post you can put them back into stanzas by getting a whole stanza into lines and then pressing shift+enter after the line to get them all close together instead of all double-spaced. Sorry if this part was a little confusing.

The next thing is that you don't /have/ to have every single line start out with a capital in poetry, though that might be your stylistic choice for this poem. There's a lack of punctuation in the poem that kind of annoys me where the only period you have is at the end which is basically saying it's all one line. You could add in more periods/commas/semicolons/all that punctuation. You could always take out only the period as you don't /need/ periods in poetry.

The lines are all around the same length which adds to the style. It feels like when you're reading it aloud that you can't breathe and props to you for that.

If you go through and count how many words starting with "We" in there, you'll see there are a lot. You could change it up a bit maybe? But it seems you might've had a pattern as it seemed like every few lines the lines started with "We" and repeated twice.

I liked this poem overall, but it could use some looking over to make it sound clearer/neater.\

Have a great day!