You're kind, they say.
Humbled by escapades and sweetened to support.
They dress you up in blues and grey
As something higher, a sky to distort,
And hold you close in thanks
Though you're stiff against their touch,
Formed with steady hands and fickle wood;
You're just a splintered crutch.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
126,870 Literary Works • 672,942 Reviews
Hello, hello! Eternity here to review~
Ahh another poem for me to review! I'm starting to like to review poems although I am not good at it. Hopefully this is even the slightest help for you.
EDITING ZONE
Hmm, as herbgirl said, I think you should add commas at the end of the third and fifth line. There seems to be pauses there and it throws the reader off guard when it's continuously going on when it shouldn't.
Second, I think it could go on a little longer. Then again, you could very well could leave it where it is. I like slightly longer poems and short poems are weird to me, soo
BUT I really do love this poem and everything about it so thumbs up!
~Rin
Hello! herbgirl here for a review!
So, I'd like to start off by warning you that I have a really bad cold right now, so if this review seems really off-kilter it's probably because my judgement is clouded by snot. Anyways, I liked your poem. It's simple, but the rhyme scheme works and I think you send a good message. I can relate to it easily, I think a lot of people can.
I had a few little things that I wanted to point out to you that you might want to fix. First, I think you should add commas at the end of the third and fifth lines. I realize that the line changes supply a pause there, but if you think of the sentences linearly then you would need commas in both places to be grammatically correct.
Other than that, I had some content suggestions that I'd like you to take into consideration. First, your comparison to the sky. I find it very hard to distort the sky, it's so huge, and stretches itself across the horizons for all to see. I would suggest changing the line to something water related, because water is much easier to distort, and water still has colors like the sky, so you wouldn't have to change too much of the poem. I would change the end of the fourth line to something like "a pond to distort".
The other content thing I had was the other metaphor you had, in the last line you say "You're just a splintered crutch." I'm not sure this is the best way to describe the character. If someone is just a splintered crutch, generally they are holding up someone, which would mean that they are helpful. But doesn't that defeat the point of your poem? I thought you were saying the character felt they really weren't helping. I realize that it would be hard to change that line, but I advise you to at least think about changing it. Brainstorm and figure out what you want to do there.
Anyways, in all, this was a nice poem! Add those commas, think about how you can change those lines, and keep up the good work!
herbgirl