Somewhere Brighter

Hi, Dancer!

So I have to say that for a first-timer, this was really well done. There some gorgeous moments in here that are just... really awesome. Much kudos to you on that! And thank you for clarifying about the flow. It just made the song a whole lot better.

I seriously only have one suggestion to make, and that is if it's possible to give more background as to the situation at hand. The song itself is very comforting most of the time! Which is awesome. I love those kinds of songs. I think with this one, since it alludes to the cheater you mentioned in your author's note, a little more meat to the story would benefit the listener. They'll appreciate what's being said better because they'll understand the situation! It doesn't have to be a significant info-dumping either. Just a couple arrows nudging us in the right direction.

But that's seriously all I have. You have such wonderful phrasing. Ooer, I did just catch something, though! The title doesn't seem to fit the song. I assume it's a cheer-up title for a cheer-up song, but it would be nice for the song to tie in with the title a bit more. For instance, I figured it had some significance to the time of days mentioned, but day came up just as much as night did, so that didn't make much sense. Something to look into!

Great job for your first time though. It was very well done. Like I said, I'm a fan of songs with this kind of message.

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

This was great, ideas within the lyrics were wonderful, with a sadness that spoke to me and a comfort that outlined the whole piece, reassuring and kind. I'm glad you chose blues as the genre, as I can really hear this being sung to a blues track- it just suits the lyrics so well, so nice call there.

I really want to hear it being played properly, because, as you said, the flow of the stanzas wasn't perfect when read normally, so being put to music would help a heck of a lot. That's pretty much the only complaint I have, and even that is fixed easily by hearing the song in it's right context. Are you planning on performing or recording this? Even if you just have a guitar, or know someone else with a guitar or a band, I thoroughly suggest you get this recorded and posted here; with the right context these lyrics will be improved tenfold.

Overall, this was an awesome piece. You should be pleased and proud!

I'm not really much of a lyric person, but I really liked this one. It was charming, entertaining, and I felt a sense of loyalty after reading it. It was very enjoyable, and I believe you should continue with what you do. Keep writing and may the Force be with you!