Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick.
The clock counts down
Until her smile can turn into a frown.
The weight of life heavies her lips.
She has to stay strong
No matter what may be wrong.
As happy as can be, some may say.
She thinks otherwise
Her eyes are gateways to lies.
She’s crying, dying inside.
No one cares and it’s all the same
Her eyes swim in a lake of guilt and shame.
***
You’re nothing, nobody likes you.
Her mind rushes to the negative thoughts
The faintest look in her direction ties her stomach in knots.
Her music seems to be her only friend.
Her smile is fake and she’s not okay
There’s only a thin sheet keeping the tears at bay.
The flame in her heart is dimming.
She’s drowning in her sadness
Her smile is anything but happiness.
She tells herself to look on the bright side.
The creatures she hides are always scratching at the walls of her mind
Her friends see her smile and she wonders how they can be so blind.
***
RIIING.
The bell went off and her smile begins to falter.
She smiles wider; her fake smile is one she must never alter.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,010 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
Wow this poem is the best I have seen yet. You did an amazing job describing how she feels. So I wanted to say was that I loved this poem and the way you used emotions and descriptive words to explain how she really felt and the emotion that you made the reader feel while reading this. I really couldn't find anything that was wrong with your poem and there is nothing that I would change personally. Good job! I am looking forward to reviewing more of your work.
Hello!
As a poem it is very good.
As a reader i read it thrice in row, so that explains it!
Now, is this poem about prostitutes.For girls who have no way to earn and then they end being a prostitute. I am sorry if it is not but i could actually get this clearly from the whole poem, like how she has to be happy though she is not, how weight of life heavies her lips and how everything is so related to time as your opening suggests.
It was a wonderful poem, i could actually sing it and feel the pain.
Now if you poem wasn't about it then you definitely need to reconsider some portions to make it clear what was it about.
No suggestions otherwise.
i want to read more from you..
so keep writing!
loves..
Hey Tiff,
This poem was really bbeautifull. It was definitely deep. And hey i don't know why but i was imagining a short but pretty girl with long blond hair reciting this.
the part when you wrote about how that girl was drowning in sadness was the part I liked the most( not that i want her to drown or something and yeah thats sad but i still loved it)
I really cant find a mistake ( not that I'm very good at nit picking so if you were looking for something like that you will have to wait for other reviews)
So asically i wanted to say was that i loved this poem and the way you used itallics really caught my attention.
So yeah a really great work there!
fangirl~
Hey dear ! I like the way you Penn downsnd the rhyming style. Thoigh a little sad but words are nicely carved. Esrlier it often happens with me that I wore fake smile but now it seldom happens as now I stay positive and live in real.keep up the good work dear! I really like your penning and learnt too. Blessings !