Hey, I'm here for a short review!
Words I dreamed;
Constant craving,
Carved from nothing,
For those brown eyes
That still glance at me,
And stir something
For that smile
That still gives me a warmth;
A reminder of what could have been.
What never will be.
As much as I like these lines, the middle parts are a bit confusing. Let us put them together.
Constant craving, carved from nothing, for those brown eyes that still glance at me, and stir something for that smile that still gives me a warmth
The sentence makes sense until 'something'. I think there should be a separation after that. A better word structure is in need here to make it more comprehensive. Anyway, 'gives me a warmth' isn't grammatically correct because warmth is uncountable and therefore should not have 'a' before it. It's like saying 'gives me a happy', which demands the question, 'what's a happy?' If you change 'warmth' into an adjective, like 'a warm hug', than it makes sense to put in 'a'.
Let the rain and hail pour,
Like broken glass on my skin;
I walk in it alone.
Shards remain.
My blood runs blue.
'rain' and 'hail' are synonymous to each other, so putting them in the same line is repetitive. Maybe you can vary with referring the rain--'let the rain pour--let the hail prevail'. If not, using either one would be fine. I like the simile though--the feeling of raindrops as sharp broken glass is relatable. xD The third and fourth lines complements the lines before, but 'blood runs blue' seems like a sudden image unrelated to previous ones, and need to be expound on.
I am left
Slit.
By the blade of broken hearts;
The blood drips on my hand,
For it was in the other all along.
Like the reviewer below, this one needs a closer reading to get the real meaning behind it. It's perhaps because of the last line, where there is no noun to go along with 'other'. Adding 'one' to it would make the stanza clearer. Also, the part before the semicolon is a fragment, not an iandependent clause needed before a semicolon, so an em dash instead of semicolon is the right punctuation to use here.
Anyway, that is all! Keep up the good job!
Points: 25
Reviews: 472
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