Upon the window ledge I rest,
While the sad wind howls
And the darkened sky cries,
Hoping tomorrow will be better.
Tears in the reflection,
Carved of optimism,
A broken heart's expression
Hidden in the streaks.
I think and I think
Until time becomes an illusion,
Bombarded with reminders
Of what will never be.
But let the sky cry,
For it shares my pain.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,637 Literary Works • 673,574 Reviews
Hi!!
First off: Oh my goodness. This is amazing. Beauitfully heart-breaking. Your word choice is excellent. Every single word manifests a very sad, lonely feeling. You start off incredibly strong, and follow strong all throughout. My favorite verse is probably, "I think and I think/ Until time becomes an illusion,/ Bombarded with reminders/ Of what will never be." So, so awesome. Every verse literally send chills down my spine. I don't have much to critique, but I would maybe suggest making this longer? Before your last couplet, I think there is definitely potential for more! But again, maybe that's because I just really enjoyed this and I didn't want it to end, haha. Speaking of, your ending couplet was great! It was really effective and definitely tied the work together well.
I really enjoyed this! You are such a powerful writer, and I hope to read more from you.
~ Fearlesslove4
Oh my god, that is so flattering!
Thank you so much.
It is good.I just pray my writing skills grow to reach your level,then I will know that at least I have reached a safer place.Once again,it is a nice one.
Hello. Pigeon, or ''poopsie'' here for a review.
To start off, I like your imagery. It reminds me of my own work. I also like your consistency, but i want to talk about the way you flow your verses. Although they are consistent, they seem too short. I can't really grasp the meaning behind your lines and so i'm left wondering what the poem is really about. I suggest just writing more. Try to include as much detail and imagery as you can without sounding over the top.
I also have a problem with your ending. Although it makes perfect sense to end like that, it seems very brief and cut off. I feel like you didn't know where to end it so you just related it to the title and posted it. Endings are hard for me too, but i found if you just stick with the theme and imagery you've been using, the poem kind of ends itself. It feels like you forcefully ended this so i suggest just writing until you can't write anymore.
I like this poem a lot, hope to see more from you.
-the pigeon
I love the idea. I've inferred that it's raining. Maybe you could add something to describe how you hear the raindrops compared to how your tears feel. Maybe you could also put, "Carved of broken optimism" also maybe "I think, and think and think" Maybe "barred" would be better that "bombarded." and "So I let the sky cry" instead of "But let the sky cry because it kind of sounds like you're telling someone else to let the sky cry, instead of yourself and since the two beings in this poem are you and the sky we don't want it confused as you possibly having someone else in there.
Great job on it! It's wonderful.