Broken Cliff

Hi!
Love the poem. Very minimal, but expressive. It was really bleak and kind of sad but I think you wrote it really well.
When you write "Dead." in the 6th line are you referring to the tree or the surroundings or the speaker of the poem? It seems a bit out of place to me but I suppose it adds to the choppiness of the poem.

I like "in a pool full of darkness, I see your reflection." It is also open to interpretation. Usually people see their own reflection so this could be a person reflecting on their past in a bleak way who can't escape their past actions or image of themselves. Then again, as it's under romantic, it could also be interpreted as someone else who the speaker can't escape.

Another thing that made me think is the choice of doves and crows. Did you choose them and their actions more randomly to add to the emotion and imagery of the poem, or were they more symbolic? Are the doves symbolizing innocence or peace and are screaming because of their pain? Are the crows symbolizing evil and destruction? Either way, cool.

-RedVines

Hi, Tiernan!

I really like these kind of poems that create imagery using simple words of the English language. Like here, you don't have any words that are that special in and of themselves, but the way you put them together makes them paint the picture.

I like the idea of "broken cliff" -- it sounds kind of mysterious, as it doesn't really dawn on me right away how a cliff can be broken. I also really like the rhythm of the poem until the line "As the water slashes the rocks", which kind of breaks it up. It's a little stumble in an otherwise solid poem, but I guess it can be easily resolved if you move some words around. The last three lines of the first stanza are the weakest bit of the poem in my opinion as they steer towards cliché a little.

I like the way you describe the sky as "soaked", which is the stronger of the two adjectives as "dark" can be a bit bleak since it's such a popular choice. You also already mention "darkness" in the first stanza, so having two darks in a short poem may be something you'd want to reconsider.

In general, though, I liked the impression I got of this poem. I can see the images pretty clearly!

Demeter
x

This is very poetic. I loved how you used more intense and dark diction with the cliff. For example how you portrayed the dove and water. Doves and water are usually majestic and soft, but you portrayed them as sharp and eerie. I like that it's short-- some poetry tends to get prolonged, but in this case I think keeping it short makes a bigger impact than if it would be longer.

To critique it, I would say don't capitalize the first word in every line. I know that's how it should technically be since you are starting a new line, but that's the great thing about poetry: not everything has to follow the grammar rules.

Dam....that was intense. Scary even. I could see every part Of the poem. I loved the shortness and directness. You don't beat around the bush, you just tell us. Every word is perfect. Pulls you in. The tittle grabs attention and i loge this poem. i wouldn't change a thing.

Keep writting and im following to hear more.