I woke up in the middle of the night.
I opened my eyes to see an empty space on my queen size bed;
My room is filled with darkness, there's no hint of light,
Then there again, memories started playing inside my head.
-
I'm here laying in bed thinking about holding you.
That's all I can do because you have your new guy to spend your future hours.
While i'm here thinking on what to do.
Do you regret that your past is stuck with ours?
-
They say moving on takes a couple of days,
But every night i wake up thinking about you in my bed.
They say, moving on from you is the best way,
But i'm still wondering, do you sometimes wish it was me instead?
-
No one seems to understand the love I have for you.
I'm here all alone longing for someone to hold,
Men cry a lot too.
I cry while waiting for your picture to load
-
When you left, i feel so lonely.
There's nothing left in me,
The only thing that keeps me company.
Is me and my jealousy.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
I Enjoyed your peom, really well. I understand what you go though because the same stuff happened to me. The PArt that really go me was "But i'm still wondering, do you sometimes wish it was me instead?" I like that. But Thiere was this line i cloudnt understand and i reread it over and over again and it was
"That's all I can do because you have your new guy to spend your future hours."
I was thinking you should put a Comoma between because and you, and do. but that sentce was like a run on sentence and i bothered me, it doesnt sound right but it you want to chage it you can, im not telling you you cant. This poem really did speak to me, and this is what i reallly needed right now. Is to just read something REAL. Something Powerful and I thank you for that. Keep up the Good Work, Dont NEver stop.
Your poem spoke to me on a very deep level. First and foremost, "Men cry a lot too." That single line make tears fall from my eyes, because for once I feel as though I am not the only one.
All in all, this poem just really had some amazing effects on me, touched me in a truly genuine way. I'm not sure if you wrote this because thats how you feel, or if it just came to you, but I understand that love. That level of deep love and it hurting because you don't have the person anymore. I understand it, and i love this poem for making me cry like a baby because i am the most jealous person i know.
So thank you, theawesomefrance, this poem is awesome, and you are awesome. Keep writing poems. Never stop, no matter what.
Aww
Thank you x3 I wrote this because I, myself is heartbroken; broken up with my boyfriend like last two weeks ago and I've been thinking about the pain and sorrow i've been feeling and I just wanted to know like "How does a guy feel after a break up?" Or something like that, So I think about it and I really don't know how or why, but these words just came up and it made me realize something too about men
And I really appreciate that you like it and all
Like THANK YOU XD
Hey there! Zly here! I'm offering up a review on mobile (eek) and on poetry, which I don't normally review, so we'll see how it goes!
"The past is stuck with ours"? That... sounds really confusing and out of place. Stuck with me? With us? You can try, "Do you regret that you wasted so much time at ours'?", like, our house? I don't know, it just stuck out to me.
Every time you don't capitalize an "I"; please do. I know that sometimes, it's done for style, but here, you've capitalized other "I"s and other words.
I really, really love this line. Like, a lot.
It was actually during my second read through that I realized this rhymed. Now, perhaps it was because of the timing of your stanzas, or the amount of syllables you used, or the way it flowed? I'm no poet, surely -- at least, not a wildly creative one -- but it didn't seem to flow that well. I'd suggest making sure each of your lines had similar rhythms to them? (Like, the first of every stanza has this many, the second had this many, etc.) I'd try to make the two rhyming lines match.
Otherwise, it was a nice idea, and obviously very heartfelt. Great job, and keep writing! You've just got a bit more to do before your work is perfect. [: