I'm captivated by you baby like a firework show
Your love is overwhelming; it's drowning me to your soul.
Kiss me now and hold me close,
I'll show you what it's like; to be loved the most.
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,840 Reviews
Hello, AwesomeFrance! The name is Storm, and it looks like I'll be your reviewer tonight.
Happy Review Day from the green team! All right, let's get down to it, why don't we? I'll start off with a few fundamental errors then move onto the overall picture, what I liked, then the closing. *rubs hands together* Let's start!
1. "I'm captivated by you baby like a firework show" For this line, the correct punctuation should actually be "I'm captivated by you, baby, like a firework show" since the speaker is actually addressing said "baby." And because the word is between a complete thought, splitting it up, a comma following it fits best.
2. "Your love is overwhelming; it's drowning me to your soul." Wouldn't "drowning me in your soul" make more sense? "To your soul" just sounds odd. Let me know what you think.
3. "Kiss me now and hold me close,
I'll show you what it's like; to be loved the most." Here I don't believe a semi-colon should split this last line like it does. A semi-colon is supposed to divide two complete thoughts that are tied closely together, but "to be loved the most" is in fact a fragment. It's not an independent clause. You're not really allowed to separate the verb like that, so I don't think any punctuation is needed! Although there's a natural pause in that spot, sometimes a comma, colon, or semi-colon just doesn't work. So it should look like "I'll show you what it's like to be loved the most" now.
This was a cute little love poem, and although it didn't have some deep, underlying meaning with a thousand metaphors woven into it's core, that's fine. Sometimes simple is good. Thank you so much for your time, AwesomeFrance! I appreciate you sharing your work, and as always: Write on!
Before I read this, I had absolutely no idea what a quatrain was so thank you for showing me what it is.
This is a poem which I think that a lot of people can relate to. The imagery that you use to describe how captivated you are by this person is exquisite. However, in the second line, you say 'Your love is overwhelming; it's drowning me to your soul.' and I was wondering whether you mean 'drowning me to my soul'?
The third line is a line which applies to pretty much all romances, whether they're real or entirely fictional and the last line reinforces the fact that you want to love this person, which makes a change from poems about unrequited love and romances that have ended.
I loved this poem and it's simple, yet effective rhythm. You have so much talent and I hope you write more poetry like this because I'll definitely be one of the first people to read it.
Hello, Theawesomefrance! Unknown391625 here with another review!
This is a nice great poem! Very romantic if you have a lover, or if you were just feeling romantic this is great too! Anyways, on the first line, you started a sentence, and then on the second one, you either started a new sentence and forgot to punctuate the first one, or you just capitalized the first letter of the sentence. Otherwise, I really like it! It is correct in grammar, good punctuation, and very simple! And it takes a lot to write a poem, so it's impressive for you age to write poems like you do! Good job! I want to see more of your poems. Don't give up and alwaysa write, Theawesomefrance!
-Unknown391625