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Smile

by TheShauzer


I try to think of things to put down on this sheet and I find myself lacking in words. For someone who means so much to me, have I nothing to say? I was always so poetic about those I had a crush on, I could speak for minutes upon minutes about every aspect of them; I could string the words into such a beautiful, lyrically tuned masterpiece... I think that maybe those people broke me. And for that I am thoroughly sorry – the words no longer flow like they used to, perhaps they remember how falsely they’ve been placed before – perhaps they are frightened. I thought about it. Your smile. I could talk about your smile. Of course, I could talk about your smile.

When you smile, I must smile with you. It is not because of some deep-rooted feeling of necessity, or some weird psychological nuance, it is simply a happiness that never fails to present itself. When you smile – your eyes narrowing, your cheeks rising – and your elated face graces my eyes, I feel like nothing else in the world could matter too much. You make me forget my worries; you make me realize that love isn’t about an overwhelming surge of emotion threatening to wipe out all others. Love is the fact that your simple smile can swell my spirits, and it always does. Love is the fact that every time I’m around you you’re all that I concentrate on. Love is the fact that no matter what happens – even if we ever separate – I will always take care of you. In one way or another, I promise that I will never let them – the ones who don’t smile at your smile – stop you from smiling.

I love you.


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Points: 321
Reviews: 4

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Mon Feb 15, 2016 5:03 pm
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omuii wrote a review...



Hi!

I love this piece so much! It's short and sweet and right to the point, and your use of descriptive wording is incredible. The love in this piece radiates from the text, and the simplicity of it sets the stage for a wonderful romantic piece. My only criticism is that the semi-colon in the first paragraph is grammatically incorrect and should be a comma, and in my opinion, the last line, "I love you", is a bit of an anti-climax. Perhaps a longer line with deeper meaning could go there? Either way, I love this piece, and I'm very happy to have read it!




TheShauzer says...


Thanks omuli, for me the "I love you." couldn't possibly be replaced with anything of deeper meaning. Again though, thanks!



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9 Reviews


Points: 155
Reviews: 9

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Mon Feb 15, 2016 6:21 am
plantedheart wrote a review...



Hello! (Im new to YWS so my review might be bland and not helpful... sorry!)

Anyways I really enjoyed the tone of the poem, it made me feel as if i were watching a teenager falling in love deeply. The only thing that I personally did not like was the last line, "I love you". Isn't that already given? You just explained about how you loved watching this person smile and you blurt it out at the end. I believe that if you leave it out then it will be a better and stronger poem. Maybe its just me but yeah..

Keep contributing to the writers world!




TheShauzer says...


Thanks plantedheart :)




I'm officially making it my goal in life to become a roomba. I want to be little robot. I want knives taped to me. I want to be free.
— TheMulticoloredCyr