The Doctor clenched his fist. He wanted it to be a lie. A dream. But the truth doesn’t care about your feelings, it just cares about itself. It doesn’t matter how young you are or how weak you are, the truth never changes.
Dalek Clara suddenly spoke. “You will come with us.”
The Doctor ignored the demand and tried desperately to bring Clara back. “Clara, listen to me. You’re still in there.” He grabbed her shoulders, nearly shouting his next words. “Don’t let the Daleks control you.”
“Doctor…” Came Emily’s voice from behind.
“Busy right now.” The Doctor replied hurriedly. He pulled out his sonic screwdriver and tried to scan the eyestalk, looking for some way to deactivate it. But the screwdriver wasn’t cooperating, especially since it was damaged in the crash.
“No, no, no. Come on. Not again.” He tapped the emitter against the palm of his left hand, desperately hoping for it to work.
“Doctor…” Emily’s voice was more worried now.
Frustrated, the Doctor turned around and replied, practically shouting at Emily. “What? What is it?”
The tone of his voice really set Emily off. [i]She[/i] was the one who was dealing with all the stress. Between nearly getting killed by a stone angel and having some random teenager whose only name is “the Doctor” run around her house, she deserved to be treated with a little more respect. Or at least not have someone shouting at her. “WELL I’M SORRY THAT I WAS TRYING TO TELL YOU THAT YOUR ‘TIME MACHINE’ WAS JUST ‘TELEPORTED AWAY’ WHILE YOU WERE TRYING TO DO WHATEVER WITH THAT ANNOYING BUZZER!” Emily calmed down and took a few deep breaths.
The Doctor scratched the back of his head and turned around to find Clara gone. “You got quite the voi— Wait what?” He spun around, finding Emily gone and hearing her calling for Sam. He sprinted off only to trip on his own feet.
“Stupid coordination.” He stood up and ran to the living room to find that his TARDIS was indeed, gone. His hands clutched his head, then slid down his face. “Oh no.”
Emily’s voice suddenly spoke from the kitchen. “Hey Doctor, have you seen Sam?”
“Never mind that. My TARDIS. Is. Gone!”
Emily frowned at this statement. She didn’t expect the Doctor to be so… childish. Clara had told her that the Doctor had saved planets and the universe countless times, but could this really be him? Some teenager that just invades other people’s residence as well as their privacy?
Well, to be fair, he did just lose his time machine, She thought. But even so, he doesn’t seem like a hero.
She did have to admit, though. There was something strange about him. She knew that if her life was on the line, she would trust him. Even if that wasn’t what she expressed.
But WHY? She wracked her brain for any memories of him. Any memory of a teenage boy with a police box and an annoying buzzer. And then she remembered.
But that was just a dream… She told herself. But she was doubting that as the ‘dream’ came rushing back to her.
She remembered hearing the grinding sound outside her bedroom window. She remembered her sneaking out of bed to see it, but she couldn’t recall what compelled her to. And she also remembered… a policewoman standing next to the police box. A policewoman, with bright orange hair.
“Emily!” The Doctor’s voice scared her, as she spun around to face him, her long, light brown hair whipped him across the face, with a few strands hitting his left eye.
The Doctor immediately reacted. “Ow!” Both of his eyes started blinking rapidly as he put his head on the kitchen table. “Do you not cut your hair?”
“I like my long hair…” Emily said in a soft voice, whilst stroking her hair.
“Yeah well, just don’t slap me with it next time.” The Doctor turned on the sink and washed his face. “So anyway, I came over to say that I have good news and bad news. What do you want to hear first?”
Emily really didn’t feel like she needed any bad news but decided to get it out of the way. She sighed. “Give me the bad news.”
The Doctor clapped his hands. “Well, since your brother is nowhere to be found, I just looked, I can only assume that he was teleported up with the Daleks to their mothership with my TARDIS. And chances are, he’s going to die. Along with my TARDIS.”
Emily gasped. “What? Sam’s going to die? Oh my god, we have to save him!” She panicked and started running towards the door before realising she had no idea what to do.
The Doctor stared at her for a brief moment with a raised eyebrow and a look that said What the heck were you going to do?
“So anyway, the good news is that. On the off chance he doesn’t die and somehow manages to keep the Daleks busy for, eh, say fourty minutes, then the TARDIS would be able to rebuild itself and we can go up there to the mothership and find out WHY THEY HAVE A TIMELORD’S FOB WATCH!” The Doctor was sweating from running around and acting out what would happen.
“Well fantastic!” Emily exclaimed sarcastically. “Guess he’s dying.”
“Well, you never know,” The Doctor replied, taking quick breaths in between words. “He might be able to. Somehow. Maybe the HADS system is still working.”
“Sorry, what?”
“No, you’re right. We don’t want it to work.” The Doctor went to find a towel to wipe his face.
Emily sighed in frustration.
ADHD much? She thought. Then she realised something. She wasn’t panicking about Sam potentially dying.
****
Sam tripped over himself several times when he was in the TARDIS due to the dark lighting. He stared at the six control panels. There were so many buttons, but none of them seemed to have a label that would tell him what they did. He was about to go downstairs when he heard a robotic voice from outside.
“The TARDIS has been procured.”
Oh shoot. Sam panicked. Did I do something?
He didn’t know whether to randomly push buttons and hope something happened or listen in on the conversation. He decided that the latter might be more productive. He walked over to the doors, making sure to be as silent as possible, and put his ear up to it.
The same robotic voice spoke.
Is it the same one? Or do they just all sound the same. Sam pondered.
“Do we destroy it?”
“Oh that can’t be good. Especially since I’m in it.” Sam whispered.
Then a deeper robot voice spoke, leading Sam to believe that this was their leader. “No orders have been given yet.”
Or not. At this point, Sam was really curious as to what these robots looked like. He was tempted to open the door a crack, but he was too afraid of getting killed.
There was silence for a short amount of time which really made Sam think they were gone, but the deeper robot voice spoke before he could peek outside.
“Orders have been given. Destroy the TARDIS.”
Sam started panicking. He was torn between pushing buttons and hoping one of them did something or going outside and hopefully be able to do something. He was leaning towards pushing buttons but decided that the lack of power would probably render all the buttons useless.
“Okay then,” Sam whispered to himself. “Let’s go die. Hopefully with a bang. Or not die at all. That would be nice.” He took a deep breath and kicked the doors open.
“Don’t shoot!” The hinges on the doors couldn’t turn anymore and forced the doors to close, slamming into Sam’s face as they did. “Ow! I did not see that coming…”
****
The Doctor opened the fridge, scanned it contents and then closed it. He opened the pantry and threw out a bunch of boxes of food, then closed it.
“Doctor, what are you doing?” Emily picked the boxes and placed them on the kitchen table.
“I’m hungry,” he replied. “And I have no idea how to cook.”
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Every Christmas - Chapter 5Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,756 Literary Works • 672,069 Reviews
Okay, seriously now. Why is the Doctor being referred to as a teenager? Is it just that he looks like a teenager? But in that case, who was that child Emily saw outside the Tardis in the first chapter? I'm confused.
I liked the rather conflicting impression Emily had of the Doctor. Even though she currently sees him as completely childish, she still has this amazing, unexpected sense that she could trust him with her life. I think you've got his personality down pretty well here: that's another mark of a good fanfiction.
I'm also very intrigued by this memory Emily seems to have of the Doctor. It seems like some memory from her childhood, but you're giving it to us in little teasers and not all at once.
I laughed. But, really? He washed his face just because he had her hair across it? That's borderline offensive. Like, "Ew, your hair is so GROSS. Now I have to wash its grossness off my face!"
Not that I'm criticizing this. I think it's great to have it in the story, but that was my reaction.
I think "I just looked" would be better in parentheses, because he kind of says it as a side note in the middle of his sentence. Em-dashes on either side might work too, but commas just don't seem to cut it.
"Well, since your brother is nowhere to be found (I just looked), I can only assume..."
Or, "Well, since your brother is nowhere to be found--I just looked--I can only assume..."
A period definitely doesn't work there. Making the first part its own sentence implies that what the Doctor said BEFORE was already the good news, and now he's about to say the bad news. I think it could be rewritten with a comma:
"So anyway, the good news is that, on the off chance he doesn't die and somehow manages to keep the Daleks busy..."
Or it could be written like this:
"So anyway, the good news is this: On the off chance he doesn't die and somehow manages to keep the Daleks busy..."
But I think the first one sounds more like how the Doctor talks. The second is somewhat more formal.
Yeah, this is probably the David Tennant Doctor
What? That's horrible! Isn't it? But she does care about her brother, doesn't she? Or is this implying something else--perhaps that she instinctively trusts the Doctor to save him? What does it mean?
Hungry? How could he be hungry at a time like this? Isn't time running short?
My goodness, Doctor Who...
Honestly, though, you've really hit the nail on the head with this fanfiction. It feels quite like I'm watching a Doctor Who episode. Wonderful job so far.
Yeah...I have no excuses. <.< Sorry about not having read this, or made this review, earlier - I've been super lazy (as you already know, but I just want to make it clear in case you've forgotten.
). But that's in the past now, since I'm going to be doing this review. Anyways, I should probably stop talking about doing the review and...you know...actually do it? Yes, that's what I should do. 
), and Emily is starting to come face to face with her past - but this chapter felt kind of...disjointed. I felt that it's impressive as a chapter, your plot is orderly, and the story is fun to read, but it didn't capture my attention as strongly as the others. In particular, the beginning of your story doesn't exact strike me as "realistic." By this, I mean that Emily would probably be scared out of her wits that Clara has a stalk growing out of her head, is talking in a creepy manner, and the Doctor is obviously concerned, rather than pestering him with a series of, while important, questions, seem at odds to the fear that most anybody else would have. Of course, Emily has had some sort of a past with the Doctor, which, while she thinks is a dream, is nothing save the truth. Maybe she had, in that 'dream', seen something like this, and so she isn't as afraid? I don't know, as I'm just throwing out ideas to perhaps explain this out-of-place (in my eyes) situation, but I do know that the beginning of a chapter is one of the most important parts of the chapter. It's supposed to capture the reader's attention, and make them interested in reading the rest of the chapter. However, I'm afraid, this chapter simply doesn't accomplish that. I think it doesn't capitalize on the drama of Clara's being taken over by the Daleks, and Emily acts a little out of character. In my opinion, you could've added much more drama and focused on the plight at the beginning of the chapter, had Emily surprised and terrified, and probably would've been able to execute a much more vivid introduction that leads your readers into hanging onto every word, eager to see what happens next. After all, the readers could more connect to Emily's reaction, and feel a greater attachment to the story. In conclusion, the beginning of the story doesn't have a great realism, and the readers can't entirely connect to the situation, which hampers the effectiveness and power of the rest of the story.
I have to admit, this chapter, plot-wise, isn't as eye-popping as the others. Yeah, there's a lot of exciting events happening - Clara has a Dalek eyestalk growing out of her head (that is so creepy. o-o), the TARDIS and Sam are both gone (and if Sam doesn't distract a bunch of robots, he's probably going to die. But, given his...personality...I have a feeling he'll make it.
Beyond that, however, I loved the chapter. You're witty, funny, and your character development is absolutely exceptional. I laughed when Emily yelled at the Doctor, when her hair accidentally hit the Doctor, and when she got frustrated at him for his behavior. However, of course, I couldn't help but feel bad for him. The TARDIS is gone, Clara's probably gone too, and he's tripping over himself trying to figure out what to do. He's dashing from place to place, switching the topic constantly, and frustrating Emily to no end by discussing topics she has never heard of. Their conversation is full of lively moments, and it is a pleasure to read this energetic story. Furthermore, I enjoy the way that you so skillfully invoke the emotions of your readers in this chapter, and it is fun watching this plot unfold. In all, this story is a lot of fun. I had a great time reading this from start to finish and, while it might not be as powerful as your other chapters, it is a nice one. It's humorous, witty, and full of surprising twists and turns that leave the reader eager for more. Nicely done!
Guess who's a fan?
No tricks though! >.> I've read all your stories. No, not now, a day or two earlier! And, I MEAN IT! THEY ARE SUPERB!
Your stories are awesome! Like the Doctor!
Spoiler
LIES! ALL LIES!
._. Oh?
Hello there! Sunny here to review! I'm a bit rusty
I haven't reviewed in a year, but shhh! don't tell anyone
Ok, let's get down to it. Also disclaimer: I haven't been reading this all along, so I'm really not going to be the best help, but I will try.
Grammar and punctuation!
Spoiler
A semicolon would be best used in place of that comma.
Use a comma here, it's kind of the same thought and flows better with a comma.
If he's almost shouting I suggest using an exclamation rather than a period.
Always use lowercase after dialogue unless it's a proper noun.
Every time you have a non-dialogue sentence following dialogue, if the sentence in the dialogue is supposed to end in a period, you use a comma and the part not in parenthesis is lowercase. "The Doctor" is techinally a proper noun, so you don't have to make he "t" lowercase. But if you're not using "The" as part of the proper noun, to make the book kind of uniform, make it lowercase.
First sentence- use a semi colon. Second sentence- you could use a semi color or a dash, it all depends on how you want the sentence to "flow" or "feel".
Again, use a comma if it's end of dialogue and lowercase the non-proper nouns.
The dialogue is kind of apart of that thought/sentence so you would use a comma.
Commas before/after dialogue.
Period after "My" to make the sentence flow a bit better. It sounds awkward otherwise.
I'm guessing this is a typo. Lowercase "s"
I would add a dash and make "was" italicized. You really need more emphasis.
But why?
I recommend italicizing a lowercase "why" rather than have it in caps. I think it would add the emphasis you're looking for.
She's thinking to herself, I recommend putting it in italics. Also I'm not entirely sure if you would have to make "she" lowercase or not.
Again, comma, possibly making "the Doctor" lowercase.
Commas and dialogue.
The look he's giving her should be in parenthesis and make the "what" lowercase.
I highly recommend putting thoughts in italics and adding a dash for emphasis.
[/quote]
Italics for thoughts.
[quote]“Oh that can’t be good. Especially since I’m in it,” Sam whispered.
Commas and dialogue.
Advice/Other Thoughts
Overall I really liked the flow and concept of the story. But I do agree with meandbooks about the hair, it's unlikely that she would ever hit the Doctor or anyone. Long hair is generally kind of too heavy to ever whip around like that. Perhaps if her hair was a bit curly, unruly, untamed and perhaps a little shorter maybe? But otherwise according to the laws of physics and how hair works, it's unlikely.
Also, Sam and I'm going to assume he's with the Daleks- I recommend describing their voices a bit more. Daleks kind of say things in syllables and really stress certain ones. So I would try to write the voices like “Or-DERS have been giv-EN. Des-TROY the TAR-DIS.” It would really help to describe the Daleks and make them more realistic.
I haven't seen anything past season 6, and I know Clara is a Dalek thing in some season after that, I don't know if she would talk more robotic and Dalek-like also? Maybe make her stress words like Daleks do? Just a thought.
I really liked this
please tag me when you post morekeep up the awesome writing! ^_^~Sunny
So wait, if you crossed out that you want me to tag you, do I still tag you or does that mean you changed your mind?
I is confused.
Tag me please
Ah, ok.
Hey there! I'm here for another review.
) But this time, he's not up there with it. And he's just going to eat?
And ooh SHE REMEMBERS AMY! That makes me happy.
So, I feel like this part was a little bit shakier than some of your earlier ones. I'll get into why in a minute.
The Doctor
He's just not feeling very...Doctorish, and not just because it's a different regeneration. I know these things can vary - I've watched most of the different Doctors, including Six, whose pretty rude. However, this feels like it's going a little too far for me. Normally, he congratulates bravery, or at least doesn't make people feel stupid. And he's not usually as rude as he was about the hair thing. He feels a little too teenager-y for me as well. I'm hoping a lot of this is due to post-regenerative trauma, as he is often a bit out of sorts after regeneration.
And the ending? He's going to cook? Unless there's some sort of hidden thing here (that I'm too stupid to see XD), that just feels way off. The TARDIS, his one constant companion over the centuries, has been taken by the Daleks. (Again.
Emily
Most of her emotions in this part are centered around being annoyed at the Doctor when honestly, I think she should be feeling a little more scared than she is right now. She just watched a Dalek eyestalk poke out of someone's head. That's enough to scare anyone.
Formatting
The reason your italics aren't working is because the bbc code doesn't work in the YWS literary work thing. Instead, up at the top they've got the B, I, and U. Highlight the text you want italicized and press I.
Logistics
I thought Sam disappeared before the TARDIS did? I may be wrong, though. Also, how did he get into the TARDIS? Did the doctor leave it open again?
The whole hair thing...I'm guessing you don't have long hair. Do you know anybody with long hair? Because I have really long hair, but it's actually really hard to hit someone in the face with it hard enough to hurt. If you can get it to flip around at all and aim properly, it usually doesn't hurt. Trust me, I've tried.
I'm pretty sure the TARDIS doors open inwards, meaning they wouldn't be able to slam Sam in the face.
And that's all I've got for you! Looking forward to the next part, as always.
Yeah, I know it's a lot worse than my other chapters. And I know that TARDIS doors open inwards but I checked and they do open outwards too.
I did research!
I'll fix up everything else... Maybe.