z

Young Writers Society



Every Christmas - Chapter 2

by ThePhoenix


Every Christmas

Chapter two

The Doctor found himself being thrown around in the TARDIS as it hurtled through time and space.

“For once I would like to not be crashing! This is the second time in twenty minutes!” He shouted as the TARDIS came to a sudden halt accompanied by a loud crashing sound, throwing him onto the floor of the control room.

He exhaled, releasing particles of golden dust before picking himself up. “Well then, where did you crash this time?”

****

Emily sat in her seat trying to process everything that Clara had just told her. “So what you’re saying is that a man called the Doctor has a blue box known as a TARDIS that just fell out of the sky and crashed outside my window. It then… dematerialised and travelled to another planet and/or time period altogether?”

Clara nods. “Yes. But just wait until you see the inside.”

Emily sat there in disbelief as questions filled her head. More so than before. “The inside? Oh yeah. How does the Doctor manage to travel throughout all of time and space, apparently, in a blue box?”

Clara grinned. “That’s something you’ll have to see for yourself. It’s also his favourite part when he’s explaining.

Emily shook her head, still attempting to process all the information. “I am so confused,” She whispered.

Sam suddenly burst into the room screaming, carrying a water bottle. “WHO GOT IN? I HEARD VOICES! I’LL KNOCK ‘EM OUT! DON’T WORRY EM! I GOT YOUR BACK! KINDA!” His eyes scanned the room, locking on Clara. “Um, this your friend Em?” His eyes then wandered off and looked outside the sliding glass window for a brief second. Until he noticed something that moved in the distance. He kept staring at it, expecting it to move again.

Emily noticed how Sam was staring and looked through the window in the direction Sam was staring at. And, just barely, she could make out a figure that was approaching them. Fast.

“It’s getting closer,” Sam whispered, just loud enough for Clara and Emily to hear.

Clara’s eyes were fixed on the approaching figure. “Oh no. Nononono. Keep staring at it. Don’t take your eyes off it.” She put her hand in her bag and pulled out a phone.

Emily was very afraid at this point. “Wh-why? What are you doing?”

Clara screamed. “JUST DO IT! AND DON’T BLINK!”

Sam and Emily were both shivering with fear as the figure kept approaching. It was difficult to keep staring at it, especially since the storm outside wouldn’t calm down.

Soon it was close enough for them to just make out what it looked like.

A stone angel.

They could hear the sounds of Clara calling someone on her phone.

“Doctor. Here. Now.”

****

The Doctor was having a great time making new friends. The kids seemed to really like him for some reason. They usually seemed uncomfortable talking to him. But this time they had fun a lot of fun together. Mainly causing mayhem, something the Doctor had plenty of experience doing. Not always on purpose though.

The group were just returning from water bombing a bunch of students who then proceeded to chase them for a good five minutes before giving up.

“I should do this more often.” The Doctor then heard a ringing sound. It wasn’t quite audible, but he could still hear it. Like a voice at the back of his head.

He ran off to the TARDIS, leaving his new friends with just a “Gotta go. Bye!”

After a lot of running, he managed to reach the TARDIS and picked up the phone to hear three words.

“Doctor. Here. Now.”

“Oh, Clara. I just had the best time ever. Never knew causing mayhem could be so much fun.” The Doctor entered the TARDIS, carrying the phone inside.

“DOCTOR!” The Doctor dropped the phone, Clara’s loud voice hurting his ears. “THERE IS A WEEPING ANGEL COMING AT US RIGHT NOW! HURRY!”

The Doctor’s attention was drawn back to the phone call, his voice suddenly very serious. “Clara, calm down. Grab a mirror if you can. I’ll be there.” He hung up as he started inputting coordinates into the TARDIS, but a deep humming stopped him. “No. No. NO! Come on. One trip. One trip, then you can repair yourself.” He input the coordinates and pulled the throttle, hoping that it would work.

To his relief, it did. The TARDIS managed to start dematerialising, even in its damaged state.

“Yes! That’s it. One trip.”

****

Clara was panicking. Not just because a Weeping Angel was approaching them, but also because she had checked every room in the house and all of them had mirrors, the problem was, all of them were attached to the wall.

She then heard the sound of glass and stone breaking, followed by a high-pitched scream. She ran back to the room Emily and Sam were in to see a third member.

“Ok guys, whatever you do, don’t blink.” Clara warned, staring at the Angel. She stared at the Angel’s body. She didn’t feel comfortable looking at its eyes; they were too creepy.

In the meantime, she was praying the Doctor would show up. Hoping that she would hear the familiar grinding sound of the TARDIS. The sound she loved and hated so much.

[i]Please. Please. Please. Come on Doctor. Don’t be late.[/i]

And then, she heard it. Not just that, she could see it. Materialising in front of their eyes. The Doctor’s TARDIS.

When the TARDIS stopped and landed, the Doctor burst out and placed a mirror in front of the TARDIS doors; trapping the Weeping Angel in its own stare. The Doctor turned towards Emily and Sam. “I’m going to assume you live here.”

Emily nodded.

“Good. Well, not really. I suggest you never move this mirror. Actually this place isn’t really practical to live in anymore so… you might want to leave. Forever. Maybe.”

Emily was staring at the Doctor before finally making a comment. “That’s the Doctor? That teenager?”

The Doctor looked at her in confusion. “What?” He ran off to find a mirror. When he did, it was accompanied by a “WHAT?”


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
125 Reviews


Points: 59
Reviews: 125

Donate
Wed Dec 30, 2015 5:39 pm
Songmorning wrote a review...



Oh my, which Doctor is it? :) Please be David Tennant. ^_^ I'll start with the assumption that it's David Tennant and use him in my mental image unless otherwise indicated...
I should probably know who Clara is, but unfortunately, I don't.

Hahaha, I'm really warming up to Sam already. He's a fun and rather adorable character. By the way, I know you apparently don't like the name "Sam" and just stuck it in as a placeholder, but I rather like it for this character. However, that's only because I had a friend named "Sam" in college who was actually kind of like this. And he liked Doctor Who and styled his hair like David Tennant...only his hair was ginger. He also liked electronic music. Anyway, the point is, Sam isn't necessarily the wrong name for your character.

Emily noticed how Sam was staring and looked through the window in the direction Sam was staring at.

"in the direction Sam was staring at" is an awkward phrase. It's wordy, ends the sentence with a preposition, and repeats the word "staring".
This could be rewritten, "Emily noticed how Sam was staring and followed his gaze out the window."

Okay, to be completely honest, my only experience with the weeping angels was in a Doctor Who role-play I once did with a friend. I haven't actually seen the episodes with them. But, if I'm not mistaken, they can't move when you look at them, right? How were they still approaching when Emily and Sam were looking at it? And if it moved only when they happened to blink at the same time, I think you could explain that with a more detailed description of the angel's movement.

Still, at the phrase "A stone angel.", my heart turned cold with fear. Excellent job putting it in its own sentence and its own paragraph. That really adds to the effect.

He input the coordinates and pulled the throttle,

Teehee, "input" is a noun. You could say he "punched in" the coordinates, or typed them in, or whatever other word. I'm not actually sure what word should go here because I can't remember how they enter coordinates in the Tardis. Ah, wait. You could just say "He entered the coordinates..." if you like. That would work too.

also because she had checked every room in the house and all of them had mirrors, the problem was, all of them were attached to the wall.


Awww, your italics code didn't work. Maybe adding in spaces would help? I don't know much about coding. However, I do know that if you italicize a sentence in Microsoft Word and then paste it into your story on YWS, it will remain italicized. If you have Word, you could do it that way (it might work on other document processors too, but I don't have experience with those).

I was about to say that I was curious about who that child was in the first episode.
But then, after "That teenager?", I began to realize what's going on--or what might be going on. Fascinating. I'm looking forward to reading more, and I think I have time to read another chapter right away! Hooray!




User avatar
1085 Reviews


Points: 90000
Reviews: 1085

Donate
Sat Sep 19, 2015 2:48 am
View Likes
Mea wrote a review...



Hey hey, I'm here for a fairly short review, since it's super-late for me.

So first off, I love Doctor Who fanfiction, and this is just pure fun. That being said, there are a few things I'd like to talk about for a minute.

1. All caps. Don't use them. Please. It makes your characters seem really melodramatic. Exclamation points are okay, but your characters' words and actions should be conveying their surprise/fear, instead of having to rely on all caps.

2. Characters

One of the main reasons that I don't read a lot of fanfiction is because it drives me crazy when the author doesn't do a good job of writing the characters in-character. Unfortunately, Clara and the Doctor suffer from that here.

Clara, for one, seemed way more high-strung than she normally is. She really is remarkably calm in the face of danger, and she almost never yells. She'll be terrified, but she never really lets it show. The way she reacts to seeing the Weeping Angel is really at odds with that.

The Doctor (who I'm assuming is Eleven) also seemed a bit out of character. For example, I thought he was Twelve at first, because the first line seemed more like something Twelve would say than Eleven. Also, I really don't think the Doctor would revel in "causing mayhem," as you put it, although I do think he would have great fun in a water balloon fight.

Finally, the ending. Why would the Doctor react like that to being called a teenager? Has he somehow managed to change his appearance? (I guess we'll find that out in the next part!)


Anyway, that's about all I've got for you. If I had time, I would go more in-depth, but unfortunately I really don't. Good luck with this, and tag me when you update it!




ThePhoenix says...


...
I did mention the Doctor is a teenager right?
Right?
*Checks

Yeah, I did.
So... Neither Eleven nor Twelve. That may be a little disappointing for some people but... ehm, yeah.
And, trust me. If the Doctor was Eleven or Twelve, I would try my hardest to make them as in character as possible.

And using just an exclamation mark for it seemed a little weird to me...
But ok!
:D



Mea says...


Okay, so I guess that makes sense - it's a different regeneration of the Doctor, one that we haven't seen before. But canonically, Clara's only been with 11 and 12. So does she stay with twelve for his entire run and then he regenerates again and becomes a teenager? I really like to know where this fits into cannon, because I'm seriously interested!



ThePhoenix says...


Hehe...
I may or may not have worked out that part yet...
It'll come to me.
Eventually...
But let's just say Clara didn't exactly stay with Twelve in my timeline...
:D
Well actually she does...
You know what? I'll work it out later.



Mea says...


>.>



ThePhoenix says...


Right, I forgot the whole "characters being in character in a fanfiction" thing.

Yeah...
Like I said, I try my hardest to make my characters in a fanfiction as in character as possible.
Sadly, I'm not one to do research either. And Clara wasn't one of my favourite companions so I didn't really pay attention (people might hate me for that but... yeah.)
So... that's why Clara is out of character... I'm sorry.

Wow, I said the word "character" a lot.



Mea says...


Hahaha, it's really not a big deal. That's what editing is for, right? XD



User avatar
299 Reviews


Points: 24185
Reviews: 299

Donate
Thu Sep 17, 2015 1:26 am
View Likes
TheSilverFox wrote a review...



Hello, ThePhoenix; I'm here to review your work today! :D

And sorry about the previous review; I think you might be the victim of review spam. I looked at BlueDaisy's reviews, and she's been making a series of these for a bunch of stories, and they're all copies of a review that has nothing to do with this (or any of the others) story. If the mods don't already know, make sure to notify them at once. Or I will. Either way. XD

Anyways, now that that's out of the way, onto the review...

Man, this was a fun story. Your sense of humor really shines through in this story, particularly in the dialogue that you use. This chapter made me laugh, it amused me, and it surprised me. Although I have to admit that I've never really watched an episode of Doctor Who, I am familiar with some of the characters and concepts in the story, and I find that the way you skillfully implemented them into this chapter is excellent. The Weeping Angel's approach and arrival was interesting, particularly as they couldn't look away from it without suffering (what I assume to be) severe repercussions. And when it's cold, snowy day, having to stare at this rapidly approaching, mysterious figure that then manages to make its way into your house isn't exactly the most calming thing. I'm just surprised that neither of them screamed when it broke into the house; obviously, it managed to destroy the window and a part of the walls when it arrived. O_O Thank goodness the Doctor arrived in a timely manner. Of course, they probably have to move away from the house forever, but...hey, at least that's one problem solved. XD

Beyond that, I love the way that this story flowed. It was smooth, consistent, and full of surprising twists and turns. I like the way that the Doctor ended up getting into mischief, and the way that Clara screamed at him in the conversation. Even the surprises at the beginning of the story, with the Weeping Angel and Sam's humorous attempts to stop the 'invaders,' and the end of the story, when the Doctor beats the Weeping Angel and finds out he's a teenager, were incorporated excellently into this story, and were nice additions to what I found to be an exciting, and captivating, read. Nice job!

I would, however, like to point out a few errors that I noticed in the story:

Sam suddenly burst into the room screaming, carrying a water bottle.


In this sentence, the pause didn't really make sense in the line, and it lacked the necessary conjunction to bind the sentence together. There should be an 'and' between the comma and 'carrying,' and you should remove the comma.

He input the coordinates and pulled the throttle, hoping that it would work.


In this case, 'input' is in the wrong tense. It should be 'inputted.'

Beyond that, there weren't any other grammar/spelling errors in the story. I would like to note, however, that there are a couple of inconsistencies. First and foremost, I wouldn't image that Sam, having seen creepy disturbances outside, and the weather being so bad that I doubt anybody would dare be traveling on the roads, would at once assume that Clara, a complete and total stranger to him, is Emily's friend. That seemed a little strange to me. If Sam has a more scatter-brained, or perhaps forgetful, personality, I might understand. Otherwise, I might imagine that Sam would have an entirely different reaction upon meeting Clara (but, nonetheless, an equally comedic one, given the way that he entered. XD). Then again, I didn't read Chapter 1 as much as I should've, so I guess I might not be the best source of advice. What do you think?

Lastly, although this is a little minor, I'm not sure I understand where the phone was. The Doctor did run back to the TARDIS and picked up the phone, but he later walked inside the TARDIS with the phone in tow. That confused me slightly. I can't imagine that the phone would just be lying around in front of the TARDIS, as that's a perfect opportunity for somebody to steal it. However, it never stated that the phone was in his pocket, nor was it in the TARDIS. Did he grab it, walk outside, and come back in, or was it in his pocket, neither which are explained? Just as a suggestion, I'd like a little more clarity on where that phone is. Of course, it's a minor issue, and I'm probably just nitpicking the story by now, so it's no big deal.

Nonetheless, I loved this story. It was creative, it was absolutely hilarious, and I enjoyed reading it from start to finish. Your descriptions are excellent, as is your ability to concoct such a masterful story, and this was a great DW fanfic. Well done! :D




ThePhoenix says...


:D
Haha yeah... the inconsistencies (I tried so hard to spell that) were probably the cause of me doing this at twelve in the morning. But it's still my fault.

And yeah, I checked out BlueDaisy's reviews and... well... you know.
:D
Thanks for reviewing!




With great power... comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.
— Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus