Who are you to have left me here alone?
A prince without mercy, a shadow without a home
I wash my hands in blood, and bones become my throne
A story lost in time with a savage undertone
If not for you I could retreat into the black
A place where I would not have to use the swords upon my back
Could we not go back to a time before the moon
A time before all this hate, loss, and ruin
Why can't I go back to a time before we?
A time before us, a time of just me
Why do I say all these things that I don't believe are true?
Why can't I just admit that I still love you?
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125,041 Literary Works • 672,928 Reviews
Heya, Prince! I like your name, is it a reference from a book or something? I think I've heard it before!
Anyway, I guess I should say(although I'm a few days late) WELCOME TO THE SITE. How do you like it?
Now- I'll be your reviewer! Casanova at your service my fair prince.
So, first off I have to say I loved this poem for it's content.
But- even with a masterpiece comes the flaws(well, not flaws, just nitpicks! I dun bite.. Too hard!)
Anyway- the first thing I noticed was the lack of punctuation. Four lines have it- the others do not. As a reader I take the lack of punctuation to mean that it's continuous with no pausing, meaning that if it were read aloud I could not breathe nor stop between lines.
Though in some forms of poetry and/or song writing this can be a good thing-- I feel as if your poem should flow at a slow pace. Not meaning that it should slop for all that long- just a second or two before continuing. But that's just my opinion.
The next thing I noticed was the inconsistency in the rhyming.
You start off, in the first four lines, having the same rhyme. I enjoyed that.
But after that you switch to having no rhyme in all at parts- and to me that kind of threw off the flow and the sound of it. I think maybe you should try free verse- without rhyming. That way you can loosen your poem and really get into the subject matter that way you wont be restricted by the restrictions rhyming gives your poem. Don't focus on rhyme and meter- focus on the emotion(which you obviously have plenty of!)
In any case I really enjoyed this and I hope to see more from you!
If you need any hints, tips, have any questions, or just want to talk, don't be afraid to message me!
Sincerely- Matthew Casanova Aaron.
Hello!
Firstly, you have titled this very well. It's an evocative title, and managed to draw me in successfully.
I like how you have a question as your first line, because it makes me want tor read more. The imagery is really well done in this poem, especially in the 2nd and 3rd lines. It really describes the feeling well. I'm not sure how I feel about the rhythm. I like it, but at the same time, it's not my favourite. I can't really explain it, but considering I'm not really sure what I think, I'm not going to say anymore about it, because this is a wonderful poem.
Well done, and keep writing!