I only feel it on cloudy nights
When starlight has all but been extinguished
And moonlight turns to mist upon my skin
I close my eyes
I have no need for them
A cold rain falls
Splattering against the stone beneath me
Each drop
Red for all I know
A chill wind blows
Bringing storms in its wake
But I do not feel the cold
I draw warmth from my cloak
Beautiful in its purity
And made by God himself
Held fast to me
By two arms flowing over my shoulders
And clasping together at my heart
Thunder cracks in the distance
And I smile
Lightning dances upon my lips
And it tastes like stardust
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Canary word: Present
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125,041 Literary Works • 672,928 Reviews
Really really good. I enjoyed the imagery, and the style too. I wonder, what inspired you? Just curious.
I am a little confused about the line that says 'Red for all I know". The meaning was a little unclear, so I would change that up a little. But if you don't that's cool, 'cause it was good anyway.
Keep going! You've got a knack for this.
such lovely rich imagery! juxtaposition of multiple sensory images to convey an emotion is the best thing. your words curl so smoothly, diction is 10/10 here.
storms are such a good source of inspiration (for a few months a while back they were practically all i'd end up writing about), and they make such good proxies for different concepts.
overall, wonderful. keep writing, dude.
- raven alia
Heya, Prince! Here's another by you? Wow, you're working quick! I'm glad to see it! Your one and only Casanova here to review for you!
The first thought I had on this was the same as the other poem I read of yours- Punctuation. It still seems like the poem is being read continuously without a pause or break.
Your capitalization is wonderful, though, so that's a plus!
Now- To the CONTENT!
Anyway- I really lived this poem. I don't know what it's /exactly/ about, but I made a few guesses. A few lines, including,"Bringing storm in it's wake," and,"Thunder Crack's in the distance," made it seem to me like lessening depression maybe? I could be completely wrong about that. What is it about, if you don't me asking?
Anyway- the rhyming. You practically have a freeverse here- if it wasn't for the lines,"Red for all I know
A chill wind blows." And
" And moonlight turns to mist upon my skin
I close my eyes
I have no need for them"(Also- the reason you need punctuation is because if it's being sited on it's own it's not going to make sense to the reader.)
These lines rhyme, even if they're not absolute they sound similar. For me, at least, it kind of messed with the flow of the poem and turned the sound off for me.
Your imagery is really good, I have to say. I would say it's better than mine- but all my stuff is gone so it technically is better.
Anyway- I hope you keep writing! You're really good, I know you have it in you to improve!
See ya around!
Sincerely- Matthew Casanova Aaron
Hey thanks for the review, and let me say when I'm writing anything non-poetry grammar is really important to me. That being said I feel poetry is more emotional. In the future I will punctuate, but if it just doesn't feel right I will take it out. Second all rhymes were purely coincidental. Finally as for what its about... I'm not really sure. I mean I deal with depression and anxiety so those things come through, besides that I write a lot of stuff for someone else, so that also comes through, if that makes any sense.
Beautiful imagery friend ;3
Wow. That was beautiful. I have never really thought of thunderstorms in such a beautiful way.
I love the ending were you refer back to the title. The clock part is also fabulous. I am not very good at poetry myself but I know a good one when I see one. This is great! If you ever write any thing again then please contact me. I would LOVE to read them.
Thanks and NEVER STOP WRITING.