I step outside my warm home and into the dark and cold fall night.
The wind is howling past my ears.
The wind shrieks louder and louder and I feel like I’m in a battle zone.
The wind slashes at my face, for all I could tell it was a whip.
I see nothing.
The darkness of the night is overwhelming.
The wind shrieks louder and I felt myself shiver.
I hear an odd noise; it’s just the neighbor’s dog barking.
The breeze blows a leaf at my face.
I quickly swipe it away.
I smell the air.
It reminds me of the morning when I played in the leaves.
I feel cold.
The wind picks up and I find myself pulling my jacket over my head for warmth.
I hope the wind dials down.
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Hello missingpiece. You are about as new as I am! I am not as experienced as others, but I will try to give you a good review.
Firstly, you are trying to present something to me, the power of the wind, but fail to show me the true power behind it. Does your hair whip across your face like the lash of a whip? Or does the breeze blow leaves at your face?
"I hear an odd noise; it’s just the neighbor’s dog barking."
Some lines don't fit in either. Dogs barking doesn't have a place in your poem. Only wind does.
I smell the air. That doesn't really belong in there either. Perhaps explain what she smells and how it pertains to the wind? A big storm blowing in? After all, you can smell rain.
And it ends rather suddenly, without a solid ending.
"I hope the wind dials down." Doesn't do the ending justice. Not by any means.
Another thing I noticed is that some lines are forever long and some are very short.
I like your poem idea, though! And it does show in some parts the power of the wind. "Battle Zone" for instance. Keep trying! You'll get there! It sounds like it is gonna be an awesome poem!
Hey, Missing Piece! Welcome to YWS!
The name's Storm, and I'll be reviewing for ya tonight. If you need any assistance concerning the site, feel free to let me know. I don't bite.
Need some help? Check out other poems, whether that be on YWS or in a book, and get an idea of what I mean.
Awesome sauce!
Except on Tuesdays.The wind truly is an amazing component of nature, and can be illustrated through stunning words in so many beautiful ways. I was hoping for this to be the case in "Wind". Sadly, however, this poem failed to capture the power of wind through your depicted scene. Such simple phrasing crippled the rest of the poem even though some lines were strongly worded. For example:
" The breeze blows a leaf at my face.
I quickly swipe it away.
I smell the air. "
You can use more colorfully sculpted words to convey the exact message, instead of writing banal four or five word phrases. Nature holds such influence over humans! Try eloquently bringing out wind's effect on the surrounding world and yourself as you step foot outdoors. Maybe add in some figurative language, spice up your descriptions, and expand your vocabulary.
I love this part, though!
"The wind shrieks louder and louder and I feel like I’m in a battle zone." Of course, the wording can be adjusted and bettered, but it still portrays a clear image for the reader.
Missing Piece, you have a solid start with "Wind"! Now expand upon what you have here and you'll be golden. Don't get discouraged; writing takes practice. <3 So as always: Write on!
---Stormsie