I leaned against the dumpster and spat on the ground. I scanned the area for cops, nothing. I was on the run, you don't know what I've done. It's more horrible than any story your mind could make up. I bet you're thinking I've killed someone, well I did.
It's how I killed her.
I get up and start walking, I don't have a car. My few belongings jiggle in the worn hiking backpack that I wear with one strap over my shoulder. My tongue runs over my yellow and rotting teeth. Every step I take runs a pain up my bare feet. My stomach twists into knots and screeches, but I have no food to calm it. My blood-red eyes twitch as I search for cops. This is how I live my life. You couldn't live a day as me.
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139,610 Literary Works • 672,620 Reviews
This was a very good piece of writing. I personally,a s the reader was drawn in by the first few words, a skill, not many posses!
I love your work! 
Your lines breaks are perfect, paragraphs well placed, and writing perfect. Your descriptions are good too, not going for the full 100% description, just weaving it into the story nicely not making it too obvious.
Thank you!
I wish you would make this a full on story! I really want to know why this guy kills a girl! It has great detail! Oh, well.
I liked the details you put into describing his physical state. The girl he killed who is she? How did he kill her? It leaves me with a lot of questions and a hunger to read more about this person. Some people would think that was a bad move but I like it. I would enjoy reading more about this character. Now that I think about it you don'y clearly say if this is a boy or a girl. I am really exited to read more of your work.
Thank you!
This is a really good story. It reads well and your narrator is interesting. It's something I would like to read more of which is my one complaint: It should be longer. Other than that great work.
I haven't been going to this site actually, but I think I will be coming on more often after reading your piece. This is really interesting and it just makes me want to know more! How did he kill her? Who did he kill? why did he kill her?? It just pulls you right in. good job!
Awesome story! Short and intense! The writing is great, the flow is good-- everything is great! And you're twelve?! Geeze, that makes this all the more impressive! There's absolutely nothing I can criticize about this, nice work!
~Cirute
Thx!