Cars driving by.
The clock ticking.
My phone vibrating.
Taking a deep breath.
The wind whispering outside.
These are all signs, that show that life keeps going forward, even when everything seems to have gone wrong.
They might seem small or insignificant, but they keep me from losing my mind.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
Hey Chips here to review.
I really liked the opening, it was intriguing and it flowed well together. I also liked how you started off describing the sounds which created vivid imagery here;
"Cars driving by.
The clock ticking.
My phone vibrating.
Taking a deep breath.
The wind whispering outside."
The sounds described well here.
"These are all signs, that show that life keeps going forward, even when everything seems to have gone wrong.
They might seem small or insignificant, but they keep me from losing my mind."
These lines got a little long so maybe breaking them up so they don't drag as much when read but I liked how they summarized the opening.
Overall nice piece, keep writing!
I. Love. This.
Love love love it. So great.
The brevity adds signifigantly to the meaning, and makes the entire piece, as a whole, stand out.
As for my critiques, the first two lines seem like they should be separated-- excuse the nitpick.
Also, possibly a more precise word than "small" in the last line. Maybe.
Overall, great! Thanks for posting! Keep it up!
I enjoy this poem even if it is short and sweet. It's nice and relaxing and at the end I can feel the fear and emptiness in your voice. A poem should have feeling to it and this does; I love it so much. I can feel the power in this too because I am with you on the same page as small things do keep you sane most of the time. I hope you write more of these.
Wow, I really enjoy this. It's sweet and simple, but also has a deeper meaning to it. I can relate to this very well because it is all the small and insignificant things that keep people going. I enjoy this and please, write more of these.
I'll try to write whenever I have enough points, and I'll definitely write something likehis again.
Yay! I can't wait
Hello, Tulip here to give you this review on this Wednesday....no wait, it's Thursday. My bad, my days are always off when I don't have school. I know, sad isn't it. Okay, onto my review now!
NITPICKS
I know, I know, these are the worst thing that every authors wants on a piece that they think are wonderful, but alas, it's only to help you get better and make wonderful changes to a piece...to make it even better
Okay, first things's first...it's the lines. Some are short- that's great, but then you get the lines that just don't sit right with the rest of the poem.
FAVORITES
Well just to say, I liked the entire thing.
~I loved this part because to me....it's so true...except the clock literally ticking.
~I loved this part because it's all I here/do everyday when I take my three dogs for a walk. It's feels nice to know that something is still here for you.
This is great. I like it a lot. The shorter sentences at the top create a calming atmosphere. And the whole piece of poetry somehow reminds me of all that is good in the world =).