A/N: When they speak they use the ", and when he thinks he uses the '.
Do not misunderstand. This is not a story about a villain. This is a normal hero vs bad guy story, but simply getting to hear what the villain thinks. With that cleared out, let's start the story, shall we?
Sincere hate was all he felt towards the hero, as all villains do. Everyone, everything was against him, destroying him, so why not destroy the others?
The Hero was approaching, shining in the non-existing sun. They were inside the villains secret lab, which obviously wasn't secret at all.
Heroes are dumb, thinking that everything comes easy. It never does, but it seems that this is something the Heroes truly believe. This was something a villain like him could use to his advantage.
But sadly, fate is never on his side.
He beats the obstacles with just one punch, even if that is not humanly possible. 'But of course, heroes are often not human. Honestly, can't a hero ever just be a normal guy?'
'No. The answer is no. Because books need to be exciting, they need a good ending. Authors know that. At least some of them do. But not this author, I think. You're surprised I know this is a short story? No? That's fine. I think this author just loves fourth wall breaks, and making characters suffer. Oh look, the hero's outside my door.'
He was right. The hero was there, an angry expression on it's face.
"Surrender now, villain!"
"Just kill me all ready. I'm sick of this story."
The hero charged, and stabbed him right in the chest.
'At least I'll see you again now, dear.'
His wife was there, smiling, taking his hand and guiding him upwards towards the sky.
His wife, dead by the hands of the hero, not caring about her being innocent, not caring that she had a child and husband, not caring that in her bag was an expensive and important medicine for their daughter, and all their life savings.
Not caring that without that medicine, she would die, her dad would be thrown into grief, depression, even trying to kill himself.
The hero probably didn't even remember killing her.
But at last, he would see his daughter, he would be with his wife.
He reached the gates of heaven, and cried.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Hi, this story was amazing, I love the way you talked about how the hero isn't always good. I know the aim wasn't to make the hero the bad guy, but I like the fact you did that in a way to show that not everyone is good. I really like this short story. Amazing job, really felt the feelings of the villain. I feel like there could have been a bit more detail on the death of the wife and maybe have the daughter waiting with the wife. Just to add more compassion for the villain. Not every villain does bad things just because, and I like the fact you addressed this, I also feel like the death of the villain could have been drawn out a bit because it was quick and the hero didn't even question the fact that the villain just told him to kill him. Other than that this short story is amazing, I read it twice just because of how good and emotional it is.
Hi,
I’m new here, so I’m sorry if I don’t have the hang of reviewing yet, but here goes: I liked how unique this short story was. Instead of trying to justify the villain’s actions or twist the plot of the story around, it was simply taking a look into the villain’s mind. The line about the hero not even remembering killing the villain’s wife was especially powerful, because so many books and movies have the heroes mindlessly killing people. It’s interesting to see the impact of that from the other side’s point of view.
As for constructive criticism (feel free to disregard this, it’s more like a “what if?” than something that actually needs to be changed), I think it would be interesting if you had worked the villain’s thoughts into the narration a bit more. You already kind of do this with talking about in an almost sarcastic tone how the heroes beat obstacles in one punch, and then earlier asking the rhetorical question about destroying others. These lines were when I most sympathized with the villain because I could read his reasoning in a more subtle but compelling way. I think if you had worked the villain’s actual thoughts in like this (maybe without separating them with the apostrophes), it would have had a better flow. But again, that’s just a thought and you can feel free to disregard it. I thought the story was great either way.
Anyway, I hope you found this review helpful. Overall, I thought the story was an interesting take on the hero-villain relationship, and it has great potential if you were to ever expand on it, even if you don’t intend to. It was very creative and a perfect combination of funny, self-aware, and emotional. Keep writing!
Thank you for reviewing! It was very helpful, and I'm glad to hear your opinion. I actually thought that I would add some stuff (if you want, I can notify you when I do), I just haven't got around to actually doing it yet, but yeah. Thank you.
Oh, and by the way, It didn't show at all by your writing that you're new
Thank you so much! I%u2019d be happy to read the stuff you%u2019ll add!
Hi!
I liked it very much. I think it was an interesting read: to break into the villain's mind and to know that villains aren't always villains. Particularly interesting was how the villain reached the gates of Heaven. Not a bad person at all now was he?
I did find one error:
It should be "villain's secret lab".
Otherwise, I think this was fabulous. A great read all in all.
Thanks for reviewing!
Hello! I found this an interesting read, with the way you discussed the seemingly arbitrary roles of the 'hero' and 'villain' in stories (although I would argue much of modern media has tried to destroy these constructions). Tying in the idea of 'fate' was a good choice in my opinion because it develops the concept of there being a predetermined loser and winner in stories that are effectively governed by the will of the author. Protagonist-centred morality is something I find annoying too, so I enjoyed the discussion of the consequences of the hero's actions in the last paragraphs. I also find it interesting that, despite being a 'villain', the POV character still goes to heaven, which suggests that the moral structures of his world do not apply to the afterlife, though I guess it could also be seen as him escaping the world of his story.
Although this may be your last short story (I sure hope it won't be), some subtlety could benefit you in any potential future works. While the direct and blunt style does have a 'wow' factor sometimes, giving hints through detail and letting the reader form their own conclusions makes people think more about your story. In my opinion at least, being able to analyse and savour the little details of a piece is how a reader can get the most out of their reading. Relatedly, I found myself wanting some foreshadowing for the big twist at the end, more description of the hero's stupidity or brutality instead of a straightforward statement. Maybe he is unnecessarily violent to the 'obstacles', beating them when they're down. Maybe he inflicts a ton of collateral damage without care for any animal or person that lives in the surrounding area. This would be one way to display his lack of concern for life that resulted in the death of the 'villain's' wife.
Overall, I thought the ideas you had were really interesting, and it was cathartic to see the POV character reunite with his family in the end.
Thank you for reviewing! Yeah, I have some problems with subtly, but I'll try to work on that. I think I'll write in that he ruined lot's of stuff, but not the thing about beating the obstacles. It doesn't say in a lot of hero books that the hero heartlessly stamped on the dead body. Or maybe he/she did, they just forgot to write about it in the story? Anyway, thanks!
No problem!
Incredible! I love how you turned the tables and showed the antagonists prospective, there's nothing to really complain about. I loved how the villain broke the fourth wall, I enjoy doing similar stuff in my story that I'm writing, though they don't break the fourth wall directly.
The end was really bittersweet, the villain dies, but gets to be with his wife.
Great job, and as always, keep on writing!
Thanks for reviewing!
Hiii @TheDepressedCat, sweta here to give my opinion on your work. Feel free to disregard..and. I have a question why do you name yourself the depressed cat?. I hope you are fine.
I like it, I really like it.. I also always think about this why it is so easy for heroes always. Why don't they die too even if they are shot??.. Your story is emotional too. It touched me when you mention about the villain wife and his daughter and family.. when the story started coming to the end it gets very emotional. You define the character nicely and i think you justified them too in my opinion...
Great work.. Keep it up... Keep writing and sharing... I hope you are well and doing fine... Have a great day
Thank you for reviewing!
I really loved writing this so I'm glad you liked it!
You did a great job... It is really good.. keep writing..