z

Young Writers Society


12+ Language

The Myriad

by Terian805


I’d always liked Airship-travel.

I guess it was the movement. The sense of being hundreds of feet above the ground. The sense that you could look down on everything as if you were a star. Gazing, from the cabin window, upon whatever mountains or oceans we might have been passing, made me feel like I was going somewhere, like I was part of something majestic.

I hadn't bothered going out on deck. After all, I was travelling on an Airship owned by Kaleidoscope, where you would never be able to speak to anyone you might meet on the cruise. You could only speak in Colour.

I’d spent seven months out in Libya, sweltering in the middle of the desert, and trying to force my way around the place, frantically hailing various drivers with my crappy Arabic, and spending nights in dodgy hotels, which, had they been in Kaleidoscope City, I would have never looked twice at.

Overall, I felt like bloody awful, and I wouldn't have been able to suffer tedious conversations in Colour with whoever might be travelling with me.

So this was why I had holed myself up in my cabin, sitting on the single bunk bed that took up half the room, and watched the magnificent Brittany Alps that passed lazily beneath me.

The rumbling moan of the engine reverberated through the walls.

A sickly sweet smell drifted upwards from the kitchen below.

Almost idly, I raised my right hand which was fixed with a glimmering, cube shaped contraption, glowing playfully with an ethereal green light. It was my LightScape, which I’d owned since I was seventeen. I knew it had been through a lot over the last few months. It wasn't the best idea to put it through more use.

But to be honest I really didn't care.

I raised it, tracing various electrical shapes through the air, laced with shimmering green energy.

Circles

Squares

Rectangles

And my Lightscape pulsated green with the effort.

Before I lazily dismissed them with a flick of my hand and the shapes burst into grey dust.

***

Imagine if you could create anything.

Imagine if you could take the very paint from which nature is constructed and shape it to your will.

This is what I and millions of others have been blessed with. To create

For almost eighty years, since the asteroid fell to Earth, the United Colour Spectrum Democracy has held the majority of the Tektra deposits around the world, and it’s a good job that we did, or we would never have been able to mass produce half of the LightScapes that my people use today.

My mum often told me about how we could have very easily been the ones on the bottom end of the spectrum. How, if explorers like James Winter and Sierus Red hadn’t ventured north into the Northern lands to recover deposits of Tektra for us, then we probably couldn’t have won the Colour War.

When told this, any other kid would have drifted off to sleep in seconds. But I got this inordinately nerdy thrill from mum’s history lessons. But that was far from the only thing I loved about her. To be honest, my mum was the most wonderful person I ever knew. She loved everyone, and was loved by everyone. She was beautiful, with her ash blonde hair, and her sea blue eyes. Her beauty did not make her in any way spiteful, which was a rare thing. She gave me the best advice for my own life as well. Telling me how I should find my matching colour. How everyone has a matching colour, and it might come from the strangest of places.

I think about that piece of advice a lot. And when I do I think, “Oh Mum you could have never imagined where my matching colour came from.” which always makes me smile. For it did come from the most unexpected place that you could imagine.

But all this was all before she died.


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Thu Mar 10, 2016 11:48 pm
jf60338 says...



I loved how it was very descriptive and exciting!
I hope you keep writing!




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Thu Mar 10, 2016 10:39 pm
bcbabin wrote a review...



The concept of this story is cool - I'm always a sucker for a good utopian future short - and I think it's pretty well written, too, so congrats on a nice read! However, I think it's got some holes that need fixing.

Firstly, I'm really confused on what Colour is and why it's italicized and things like that. I'm assuming it's some kind of electronic language or something, but I think it would do the story good to elaborate on that a little bit. Really, the whole first portion of the story is a bit too 'out there' to make sense right away - you know what I mean? It's just too far from our normal way of life to be left without an explanation.

There are also some noticeable grammar errors (commas mostly) in the second portion of this short, but that's nothing a quick read-over can't fix. Everything was pretty minor and didn't distract much from reading.

The ending is really nice - it's simple and understated but leaves your interest piqued, and LOTS of room is left to continue this story, which would be cool. I also enjoyed your opening paragraph. Even though nothing was terribly descriptive, I could understand how the narrator would love such a thing. However, the transition from futuristic life to the mother is a little quick. I think maybe if you spend a tad more time talking about the narrator's interest in the history, the story would benefit. But that's only a suggestion!

I really liked this story, mostly because everyone is so caught up in dystopian futures these days and utopian is refreshing to me. I'm also intrigued by the idea that this could turn into something bigger, with more chapters.

Anyway, I hope some of this was helpful to you! Thanks for sharing! :)




Terian805 says...


Thanks for your feedback! I'll definitely try to act on it!



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Thu Mar 10, 2016 5:54 pm
kashyf says...



i put on my headphones and started to read THE MYRIAD and listen to Gabriel's Oboe, combination was amazing, i visualised your concept.

But i wanted to have more information about this new world and colour!

Goodluck




Terian805 says...


Thanks a lot!



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Thu Mar 10, 2016 5:21 pm
XxXTheSwordsmanXxX wrote a review...



Greetings!

I really enjoyed this story. Your descriptions are phenomenal and your flow is perfect. It seems like a great beginning to a much larger story. I can't say that I really understand why you rated this 16+ for language. There wasn't anything in this that would have been an issue for anyone.

I have a few observations. While you did a great job on descriptions and bringing your world to life, there seems to be a certain lack of information. I realize that this is a short story, but what is speak Colour? I get that they have found this new technology from using a meteor in order to continue their advancements. What else does this do? I mean if this stuff is used to create stuff then how could it be used in war?

You have this written down as a Romance, and while your overall story may be a romance, I don't see it here. There is sort of this cliff hanger at the end that we will be told what her Spectrum is and where she found it, but it doesn't really answer the question of where the romance is.

I hope this review helped you.

Happy Writing!




Terian805 says...


Hi and cheers for the review I'm glad you enjoyed it! Yes there is going to be a romance in the story, its kind of what I want to drive the storyline. I just guess that it isn't clear in this!




"There is nothing to fear from someone who shouts."
— Chinua Achebe, Things Fall Apart