^-^ Hello again! Writerkitty here with another review for you!
Ooh, I sense a time jump!
Just like your prologue, this too was quite interesting to read. I like how you started off the first chapter with a new character; who I believe will play a major role in chapters to come.
I'm guessing he's the guy the spellcaster was talking about in the prologue. So he's under some sort of curse as well. I'm curious to know what he wanted to achieve by meeting the spellcaster. I'm guessing he might've ended up running away spooked by the creepy lady just like the two girls....or maybe not. ^-^ Either way, it was a nice touch to hint a bit about the characters that were going to be introduced in the future.
"Young girls nowadays...if they didn't come here for love what else could they come for?" she muttered, picking up a needle and began tracing it all over the doll's chest. The spell caster smiled as her needle came into a stop at where the heart was supposed to be. She closed her eyes and started muttering a few words before opening them back again and stared at the other doll lying on the mat. It had been lying there for two weeks now, trapped under the pressure of several pins. The harm had been done, but it didn't mean it would stop.
And she just found out another way to prolong the suffering of her previous victim.
So the Jay's in constant pain because of all the pins on the doll... I'm still really intrigued to find out why he's eyes became firey and all, is he slowly turning into a demon or some other creature, or is there a fire-eating up him from the inside? :O Sooo many questions!
So Dae and Jay are under the spellcasters curse/spell and it affects them differently... hmm... Oh and I totally understand why poor Dae is having constant chest pains, that evil witch stabbed that doll in the chest earlier... ;-;
I'm super curious to know the cause of the thought, is it some disease or is it the curse's magic? I think it's the second one. The witch most probably wants her to achieve something...and the pain must be hinting her that her time's slowly running out. o.o I'm guessing it's something related to 'love' because, er chest pains...and we've got Jay too. But it's a bit too early to predict all that, so I'm just gonna keep reading to find out!
Another thing I really like is that even the story is more focused on Dae now, you didn't forget to give a little bit of detail about the other girl. ^-^ Well...seems like things have turned out to be pretty good for Arya, she seems to be doing quite well compared to Dae. But, I'm glad those two are still good friends. ^-^ And the other new character, Han seems like a pretty nice character too. It's still a bit unclear what kind of role he'd play in the story, but I'm looking forward to learning more about him as well
Just like the prologue, this too ended creating a lot of suspense. O.o I'm really worried about Dae, I hope she manages to break the curse soon...otherwise, I'm pretty sure she might end up dying.
^^ Onto the nit-picks and suggestions!
There were a few places you've missed commas, but I'm not going to point out all of them here, but if you want I'd gladly point out all of them.
Here are a few,
His thick, dark, disheveled hair danced lightly on top of his head at the tiniest movement, strays of hair hanging over his deep-set eyes.
His entire body ached with pain , but he walked straight to the bathroom as if nothing was bothering him except drowsiness.
He paused. He wanted to ask her who let her inside his room , but that would seem impolite.
The pain was here again, and this time, instead of being mercy on here and stayed for a few seconds, it lingered, each moment more painful than the last.
This sentence confused me a bit, I think you could change up the highlighted part a bit (this is just a suggestion! ^^)
^-^ This was a really interesting chapter to read, and I'm really looking forward to reading more!
Keep writing!
Have a good day/night!
writerkitty
Points: 4549
Reviews: 151
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