Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Romantic


Voodoo Part 2

by Tere5350


Jay

"You've been here the entire day now," Minea scolded, "It's time to go home."

Jay wasn't listening. Instead, he raised the volume of his music even louder and Minea could hear noise coming from his headphones. She shook his shoulders and he lazily looked up. Minea scowled and tore off his headphones.

"First you broke your mirror, then you skipped your meeting. I understand that you are injured, but you're not a kid any longer."

"I like the hospital better," he said simply with a shrug.

"Then maybe you should have majored in the medical field rather than business."

"Do I even have a choice?"

Minea went silent. She should have known to not bring the subject up. Jay was always sour with the topic, mainly because it reminded him of the days his father locked him up in his room until he managed to understand the complexities of business and how to run one. Ever since Jay stepped his foot inside a classroom, his father was always the one deciding what grades he should get and what type of friends he should be with. It was mainly his fault his son grew up into a big chunk of ice.

"You should at least go home."

"Minea," Jay sighed, staring straight into her eyes, "No one asked you to stay. You are my nutritionist but that doesn't mean you should stay with me 24/7."

Minea blushed in response. His words were all true, but unnecessary. Any normal person would know why she had chosen to be with the to-be director of a company despite the fact he didn't seem to want to be with her. However, Jay was no normal person and Minea had no idea how to handle him.

Seeing Minea standing still in her spot, Jay sighed and got up.

"Let's go."

"Where?"

"I'll drive you home. My injuries are not that bad."

Minea smirked and followed Jay as he led the way out of the building. No matter how cold Jay could be, she knew he wouldn’t be able to resist her. They had gone through so much together, and the bond they shared would make her and Jay a perfect match.

Love is cruel and merciless, she thought studying Jay’s tall profile as he pushed the glass door open and walked out toward his car.

“Love can be cruel and merciless, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be bought.”

Minea’s voice caused Jay to stop in his tracks and turned back to her. The street lights and the small rushes of wind made him look ethereal, but his eyes told a different story.

“What did you say?” he growled. Minea stopped smiling and looked up helplessly into the young man’s blazing eyes. Normally, they were hazel, but right now, she could see them shining brighter than before, just like tiny flames. Jay walked closer and towered over her, his eyes never losing contact of her own.

“Did you just say love can be bought?” he prodded, “Just like how my so-called father bought my mom? Just like how he bought his way out after causing her to burn to this and then bought his way into my life, MY FUTURE?!”

“Jay! Cut it out!” Minea yelled, pushing his chest. She could feel her heart hammering inside her chest out of fear. Jay could be very destructive whenever he was and she didn’t want to be the victim of yet another of his outbursts.

Jay, on the other hand, looked away from Minea’s frightened eyes and took a deep breath. An ambulance came crying towards the hospital and paramedics rushed forwards as the stretcher was being pulled out. A girl about his age, followed by another guy, also climbed down, both of them looked frightened and out of place. The girl was struggling to hold her tears as she rushed after the paramedics crying, “Dae, please don’t scare me!”

“Arya, calm down,” the guy said, grabbing her hand, pulling her towards him. The guy, whom Jay supposed was Arya only cried harder and ran after her unconscious friend. Jay watched as all of them disappeared into the hospital, his heart beating faster than normal. About ten years ago, he was also in Arya’s shoes, running after the stretcher, begging the person lying on it to wake up, talk to him, and stay with him forever. Except in his case the person on the stretcher wasn’t a normal young lady who appeared to be unconscious. It was his own mother. Jay remembered crying over the half-burnt human form, knowing quite well that the person he loved most was long gone. But that did not stop him from crying. It did not stop him from begging the doctors to save her, and it did not stop him from sitting in front of her grave for two whole days under both extreme heat and rain, waiting for her to rise up and embrace him like she always did.

Minea was watching Jay with keen interest. The fury in his eyes was gone, replaced by the look of a lost, depressed puppy. She gingerly touched his arm and pulled him into a hug.

“I’m here for you, Jay,” she whispered, running her hand up and down his back. Yes, she would always be there for him. Forever and always, they would hold each other like this in a tight embrace underneath the moonlight. Minea raised her head and stared at the moon with a wistful expression.

It was time to revisit the spell caster.

*****

Arya’s head was hurting from all the pullings she did with her hair. Dae had been in the emergency room for quite a long time, and they still haven't received any news yet from the doctor.

“When did she start having those pains?” Han asked, not looking at her. He was sitting on a chair, leaning forward with his arms draping over his lap.

“A few months before our graduation.”

“And she didn’t do anything about it?”

“She did,” Arya replied, “But no one knew the cause of the pain. She spent so much money on it that she gave up and decided to live through it instead.”

“You could go abroad. There is better equipment and doctors,” Han argued, “I’ve lived there and I’ve seen the starking contrast between medical institutions here and there.”

“Well not everyone is as rich as you Han! Not everyone has the money to pay for college abroad or even travel abroad like you!” Arya yelled, “Do you even know the hardships Dae had to go through just to finish college? There was one time she almost gave up and had this crazy idea about-”

A thought came immediately to Arya and she stopped yelling at Han. It was crazy, but it was the only explanation she had.

“Crazy idea about?” Han asked, now looking at her right in the eyes.

“Dae and I used to visit a spell caster when we were in college,” Arya explained excitedly, “That is it! It must be the witch!”

“Arya, Listen to yourself.”

Arya shook her head. She turned to stare at the emergency room and shook her head again. Out of their years of friendship, Arya knew Dae to be a healthy girl. Dae was always keen about her health because she knew she wouldn’t have the money to take proper care of herself if she ended being sick, so when she started feeling pain in her chest for no reason, both of them were stupefied. Arya knew magic wasn’t the solution, and she had grown up scorning all sorts of beliefs about witchcraft. However, Dae’s conditions had been getting worse, and Arya was willing to do anything to identify the source of her best friend’s illness. She looked down at Han who was staring at her like she was crazy.

“If you love her, then you must be willing to do anything for her,” she announced.

“Love?”. Han’s face had gone red.

“Do you think I’m stupid, Han? I know you love her. I’ve seen the way you look at her, and ever since high school, you stopped dating other girls just for Dae,” she continued.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Han protested not looking at Arya in the eyes, “But fine, you know Dae better than me. I’m also her friend, so whatever you have in mind, I’ll agree to it.”

“Good,” Arya breathed, “Because we have a spell caster to visit.”








Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
41 Reviews


Points: 5075
Reviews: 41

Donate
Fri Feb 07, 2020 5:17 am
AndName wrote a review...



Hi!

Me again, reviewing this lovely story. So many questions were answered here! And so many more! So, Minea is in 'love' (I'll get to this later) with Jay...and about to put him under a love spell? Again? He doesn't seem very in love (Against his will!!!). And Dae is being brought to the hospital, her friends are there, Jay sees them go in...hmm. Are Dae and Jay meant to be? I feel sort of sorry for Han, him having loved her head over heels for years.

Now, through with the stuff you already know, time to examine the story stuff. I noticed a few line mishaps, some words missing in places, no biggie (I'm terrible about writing two letters in a sentence if I'm flying to fast, also, as sure you've noticed, WAY to many commas. I have no shame.) Nothing huge, and it's the plot that matters. Which is sparkling, by the way. Beautifully intertwined, kind of reminds me of A Midsummer's Nights Dream, probably cuz i'm currently reading it. But the characters aren't jumping out at me. They feel like they have that something underneath, the greatness of potential. So, here are some pointers on your characters!

Jay-

I love characters in distress. Depressed, darker characters, which Jay is. I loved the broken mirror scene, it was a great start in breaking open who he is. But here, with the backstory it...fell a little flat. Controlling father, dead mother, rebellious son. All of them rich, rich, rich. He seems like he could be great, break the mold. I wonder why his father killed his mother. There could be something there. And also, at what price could his father have offered after Jay sat by his mothers grave for two whole days, for him to return to his control? It seems like he would have taken that and ran as far away as possible.

Arya-

She seems hard working. Good person. Willing to go back to the witches cottage for her. Very smart for piecing it together. A bad thing about third person is it's hard to really REACH characters if you're looking in on them. Especially the format you chose, where you pop into and out of multiple characters heads. It can be brilliant, if employed carefully. I would stick with a few solid characters, and then venture off into another head to dish out the inner workings. With Arya, she seems more like a secondary character (Which is not an insult. I swear it's not!) Secondary characters can be colorful, deep individuals that aid the MC's and have entire lives of their own.

Minea-

Now, she is exactly what i'm talking about when I say the into the others head, dish out the dirt thing. She has some serious dirt. I'm not sure if she 'loves' Jay because she loves him, or because she wants his money. She has Jay under a spell to keep close, either way. Dirt! I think that little plot twist is so clever.

So i'm about done. All I have to do now is offer you endless praise and tell you to keep writing! This story's got the stuff to make it to book-hood. (Like adulthood...but not.)
Also, I mean no offense whatsoever! Ignore any advice of mine if it's less than stellar!

AndName




Tere5350 says...


Thank you for the review! You've poin



Tere5350 says...


Really sorry for the previous comment. It got submitted before I finished writing. :(
Anyway please don't think that you are offending me in any way with your reviews. I am always open to these reviews and suggestions and I'll be sure to remember and use them in further writings!

Thank You So Much :)



AndName says...


:) I'm just putting it out there in case I do offend you :) And you're welcome!



User avatar
149 Reviews


Points: 4349
Reviews: 149

Donate
Fri Feb 07, 2020 3:10 am
writerkitty wrote a review...



^-^ Helloo!! Writerkitty here with a review for you! :D

First off, Wow... so Jay's father was the one who visited the spellcaster, and his mother died because of it? And Minea visited the spellcaster too!? And Arya figured out the reason behind Dae's chest pain... O.O A lot happened in this chapter!!

:D Alright, onto the actual review, this was such an interesting read, and you managed to keep the reader hooked from the start to the end of the chapter and I'm really intrigued to know what happens next! ^-^ I knew this was going to be a great story right when I read the prologue, and I was right! The plot is interesting, the dialogue is excellent, the pace is just right and the characters are really unique and you reveal little plot points and information in each chapter. And most of them are quite unexpected! :O You really do a good job in surprising us, readers.

In the previous chapter, I thought Jay was just some stereotypical who was tired of his busy life and got involved with the spellcasting to achieve something like love or wealth. But it appears I was wrong! :O I actually feel sorry for him, the poor guy had his entire life controlled by his father. No wonder he appears to be so fed up with everything. >.> And Minea, doesn't seem like the best character... I think she kinda cares about Jay, but I think she's got selfish motives.

“Love can be cruel and merciless, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be bought.”


-_- Yeah, whatever you say Minea...You're gonna regret even thinking that.

I really think she's evil, that's what I think so far, I'm not sure how she'd turn out to be later on. ^^ I'll just gotta keep reading to find out! :D

It's also really sad how he lost his mother. ;-; Poor Jay... So it's the spellcaster's doing as well? :( But I blame it mostly on the father though, it seems like he'd messed with both his wife's and son's life. :/ And I think Jay will never get to escape the spellcaster, giving the Minea is gonna visit the old witch as well. >.> I like how you gave away a bit of detail about Jay's backstory without deviating from the main storyline. ^^ Well done on that!

Yay! the two main characters finally met! (sorta...because er, Dae was unconscious...but still...) I'm guessing they'd get to properly meet later on, and I wonder how that'll go. Dae seems to be fully focused on her studies and getting on about her life and Jay is, well... he seems like on the verge of giving up everything. So I'm sure the encounter would be quite interesting.


Way to Arya! :D She sure is a great friend. I'm glad she managed to figure out what's wrong with Dae before it's too late. And Han seems like such a sweetheart. He seems to really care about Dae. I really hope those two don't get into trouble after facing the spellcaster. O.O I'm also intrigued to know what the spellcaster has to say to them... They'd either become her next victims or get some information.

^-^ All the characters you've introduced so far, are really unique and different from one another. And it's hard to tell what their exact motives are... so I'm really looking forward to learning more about them as the story progresses.


Onto the nitpicks and suggestions!

"Minea," Jay sighed, staring straight into her eyes, "No one asked you to stay. You are my nutritionist, but that doesn't mean you should stay with me 24/7."


The girl was struggling to hold her tears as she rushed after the paramedics, crying, "Dae, please don't scare me!"


Except in his case the person on the stretcher wasn't a normal young lady who appeared to be unconscious.


"I don't know what you're talking about," Han protested, not looking at Arya in the eyes, "But fine,


Some places you where you missed a few commas.

"You could go abroad. There is better equipment and doctors,"


I think it should be 'are' instead of 'is' because you've used a plural compound as the subject.

Just like how he bought his way out after causing her to burn to this and then bought his way into my life, MY FUTURE?!"


This part of the sentence is a bit unclear, at least for me. Maybe you can change it up a bit. (this is just a suggestion ^^)

^^ That's all for now, as always this is a really awesome chapter and I can't wait to read the next! :D

Keep up the good work!
Hope you have a great day/night

writerkitty




Tere5350 says...


I love that you are liking this story so far! It is really motivating :).



writerkitty says...


^-^ I'm glad!




It's a dramatic situation almost every time you answer the phone—if you answer the phone.
— Matthew Weiner