Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
Gravity.
Strange thing, isn’t it? Pulls everything equally. Drop a rock and a leaf from the same height, in an airless medium, they’ll hit the ground at the same time. Because gravity doesn’t favor mass. Weight defeats mass.
Except in the real world—not in a simulation—there’s always air. Air can toy with the leaf, but not with the rock. Mass wins.
What will it be like? Like a rock or a leaf? Quick? Done in no time? Or slow? Tantalizing?
I rest my hands on the railing, lean over, and spit. A single, shapely drop ejects from my mouth and begins to fall. Swirling gracefully. Elegantly.
The drop impacts on the undergrowth that fringes the building, sending the leaves trembling. No noise erupts.
What if it’s quiet like this? No noise. No notice taken. At least not at the moment of impact. Just a smooth, soundless, unobtrusive fall.
Will there be a flashback? Will life unfold itself before my eyes as I fall? What will I see? Is there anything to see at all? The story’s been always the same. Repeated over and over. No variation.
If there was any way to show them. If there was any way to show the inside of the heart. What goes on in there. How it burns. How it accumulates grief after grief. How it thirsts for someone to see. To listen. To feel. How it screams to be heeded.
There is a way. This. Just stand on the railing and jump.
Reactions?
Mom will scream a scream that will break her voice. The whole neighborhood is going to be shaken by that scream. They won’t forget it for a long time. She will bewail for hours. Tear at her hair. Writhe. She might as well faint.
Dad won’t speak for days. He’ll just stare. Wonder why it happened. Why he let it happen. Maybe he’ll cry. Maybe he’ll be the one to see it first, see what’s truly happened: a lifetime of silence, finally speaking out.
How will Ashis feel? Will he feel that sting of guilt? Will he wonder if it was better to just leave me alone? Will memories haunt him? Memories of fightback-less fights? Will remembrance make him weep? Will he feel like dying too?
What about the bystanders? Habib, Mahin, Ziadad, Alam, Shishir. All those who circled around and watched. Will they regret enjoying it? Slapping their thighs and chanting “A-shis! A-shis! A-shis! A-shis!”?Going Ooooh! every time I collapsed?
Will mom regret it? All those times she said I wish you were never born? As if I was a mistake? As if dad forgot to grab the condom from the bed-side drawer? All those times my cousins came and she became a completely different person? A breezy, ever-smiling woman? Hugging and kissing them and always flicking me disappointed glances? As if she wanted them, any of them, to replace me? Because I wasn’t from a government school? Because my grades were never good enough? Will she find my notebook in the drawer? Will she read it? Will she realize how helpless she made me feel? Will she read it over and over? Everyday? Will the sentences repeat themselves in her head? Will they imprison her mind? Leave a scar forever? A scar that will never fade?
Will the press come? Will they interview mom and dad? What if Ashis gets interviewed? Or Habib? Mahin? What will they say? Will they admit it?
They won’t. None of them will. They have their reputation to keep. Reputation turned getting good grades the number one priority, the most crucial priority. Because you can’t keep reputation if your son’s from a local, unpopular school. Reputation didn’t allow them to stop Ashis, because you can’t keep reputation if you get involved. Why will they admit?
But won’t they feel it inside? Won’t it prey on their minds when they’re alone and vulnerable? Won’t they feel the toll of it? At least for a while?
How gloriously the tables will turn. All of a sudden, I will be lamented. Mourned. I will become a magnet for sympathy. An induction of regret and guilt. No more ignored. No more worthless.
If only I were alive to see it. If only I could see the guilt in their eyes. Finally.
What if there was a miracle? What if I survived?
No. A narrow escape won’t change anything. They’ll be even crueler. They’ll say I was self-absorbed. Making a drama. They’ll say I was weak because I couldn’t endure, couldn’t just live through it. They’ll say I undervalued life.
How wise. How prudent of them to say I was the one who undervalued.
This is the only way. This is my answer. This is what opens your blind eyes. This is how you finally see what you have done. How cruel you’ve been. This is what gives me power over all of you. Unquestionable power. This is what destroys my helplessness once and for all. This is how you are silenced, and my voice thunders. This is my rise. I will fall to rise above you all. High. Beyond reach. My absence will be my fiercest presence.
“What the heck are you doing up here, Harun?”
Mom.
“Get out of there! Go on! You’re not a deaf, are you?”
How humiliating. How disdainful. But if I get up on the railing now, she’ll be just as terrified. Disdain will turn into pleads. She’ll be begging me. Making all sorts of promises.
“Harun!”
No more fightback-less fights. No more disappointed looks. No more ignorance. Relief. Revenge. Peace. They’re all here. Just a jump away. One jump. One jump, and I am free.
“HARUN, GET YOUR ASS MOVING, I SAID!”
I oblige her, as I have always done and will always do.
Suicide, my sweet, sweet escape, you are a luxury I cannot afford.
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139,496 Literary Works • 672,584 Reviews
Hi,
Hope you are doing good. I really loved your story, I loved the way you connect emotionally with the reader. I also liked how you reveal that the protagonist was standing near the railing thinking of all these things at the end and not in the beginning.
However, I find it odd to have these many characters in the monologue style of writing. Also it was pretty hard for me to paint other characters as black or grey characters without knowing their actions. Overall it was a great story and I really loved it.
Thanks for reading through and enjoy writing.
Hey there Tawsif! Tuck here with a review for you.
I thought that the way you wrote your suicidal character was spot-on. The apathy regarding death, the morbid curiosity that you can't quite shake, and the absolute fascination with the pain you would and wouldn't feel. That being said, if this is something that you personally struggle with, I am here if you want to talk. This is something I've struggled with as well, and I'd be happy to help you work through it. I'd also encourage you to seek more professional help as well. Healing and recovery are possible.
One suggestion I have for you is infusing some more actions into the monologue-esque chunks of this story. There are a lot of raw emotions in here, and it stacks up quite quickly. If you add some sections, like, "I paced along the side of the rail and laced my fingers behind my back," the reader has some time to process the ideas you've just laid upon them. It might help your pacing a bit and break up some of the long, chunky paragraphs and thought sections. Essentially, it'll be beneficial for organization, flow, and pacing.
As a small note, you introduced the character Ashis pretty abruptly and without a real explanation of who he is and his significance to the story. I think some indication of who he is and his relation to the main character would be helpful, since it felt very out-of-the-blue and harder for me to emotionally identify with than, say, the thought of how your main character's parents would feel.
That's all I have for you today! I hope these notes were helpful for you, and always remember to take from this review what was helpful and forget the rest. And seriously, my PM box is always open if you want to talk about mental health struggles. I've been there, and I'd love to help. Enjoy the rest of your evening!
Best,
Tuck
Thanks for the review. Really appreciate it!
Hey there. This is TheGoldenBird, here to leave a review.
The one thought which went through my mind as I was reading this was, "Oh, how I wish I couldn't relate to this."
But life has its own ways of making us go through things that we wish had never happened, wish that we could forget. My first-hand experience with the almost-attempt is something of the sort.
As for this work, I can only say one thing about it. It made me shake and relive all those memories. And only a work which is delivered with excellent language and imagery, with in-depth emotion, with a personal touch on the concept could create such an impact. So I really do appreciate your style of writing and the ability to be able to convey the emotion of the protagonist in the reader.
However, there is one tiny error that made my eyes fixate, as I belong to the world of Physics. In the first paragraph, you have mentioned how gravity has nothing to do with mass, and how it acts equally upon everyone, had it not been for the air resistance. But you have also written that "Weight defeats mass." This statement is wrong from the perspective of Physics.
Weight is mass of the object times gravity, while gravity is a function of the gravitational constant, the mass of the planet, and the radius of the planet. So, you're right, gravity has nothing to do with the mass of the falling object. It only has to do with the mass of the planet on which it is falling. However, weight does have to do with the mass of the falling object. So when you write that gravity is equal for all and weight defeats mass, you're actually contradicting yourself, and giving a wrong statement from the physics point of view as, since gravity has nothing to do with mass, it also has nothing to do with weight.
You could change that statement to "Gravity defeats mass" or "Gravity defeats weight", since both the statements are true, and in this context, it doesn't matter whether you use the word "mass" or "weight", since they are both defeated by gravity.
Except for this little shortcoming, the whole story was excellently written and the flow was very smooth.
Keep writing.
P.S: I really, truly, hope that you weren't able to relate to this work. But if you were... I grieve for you. You can always reach out to me if you need help. If you want to read similar works based on personal experience, do check out my account. It will make you feel that you're not alone.
Thanks so much. Well, I wasn't sure about that sentence with 'weight' either! But how about saying "Weight defies mass."
Once again, you're making the same mistake. Weight and mass are almost the same in this context, and gravity has nothing to do with either of them. What you're trying to say is that gravity works equally on everything. Weight cannot defy mass, as it has nothing to do with the free fall. It is gravity that overpowers them both. Just read that paragraph about the physics of it that I wrote in my review. Hope that helps!
Well, I actually gave it some thought before you had replied back. I get it now. Weight and gravity are basically equal, and we find the equation of acceleration due to gravity from this relationship (g=GM/r*r). So it's the acceleration due to gravity that has nothing to do with mass, not gravity or weight.
I've decided to simply omit that sentence from the story. That way, there's no room for confusion.
Thanks for giving me this physics exercise. I should've been able to find the error myself! I have 'gravity' lessons in my book!
No problem! However, let me also point out to you that the word "gravity" always refers to the acceleration due to gravity (g), which as you said, has no relation to mass (m) or weight (mg), as mg is a function of m.