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Love Part 10

by Tawsif


When the bell rang for the Morning Assembly, Mustafiz said, “Okay, folks. Today it’s gonna be me. And that’s final.”

“Huh!” Apon mocked. “In your dreams.”

“And I,” I said, “believe in deeds more than words.” With that, I took off.

“Hey! No, wait!”

That was one really unfair race. I made it to the field before they even crossed half the corridor.

“This ain’t right,” Apon gasped. “I won’t accept it.”

Mustafiz joined him. “You’re not saying the oath today.”

That was all the competition was about: Mustafiz, Apon, and I wanted to be the oath-leader in the Morning Assembly every day.

“I came first, right? I won. So I get to say it.”

Apon snapped, “No you don’t.”

“Yes, I do.”

“No!”

“Yes!”

Mustafiz gripped Apon’s shoulder and told him, “Okay, okay! Stop this. I’m not gonna be letting Tawsif say the oath. Why don’t you and I,” he pointed at Apon and himself, “just say the freaking oath today? Together? You’ll say the first half, I’ll say the rest. What do you say?”

Apon smirked. “That sounds good.”

I clenched my teeth. Everything inside my body was starting to boil.

I hated Mustafiz for this. This ability to manipulate. Fluffy-haired, bright-faced, little-eyed, slim, tall— he was handsome. The kind of guy you’d like at the very first sight without any second thought. And everyone did like him.

Funny thing is, I liked him too.

He lived in the campus, in the building next to ours. Sometimes we’d walk back home from school together. He talked nicely in those walking sessions, like a good friend. There was something appealing about him when he did that.

And there were times when he was rude, like now.

I snapped, “Whatever. I don’t care.”

Students were gathering in front of us quickly. Nidhi, Tamanna, and Meherin stood beside us in the front line. As always, they kept some distance from us. We three and them three were the leaders in the Assembly, the PT Leaders.

I glanced at Nidhi. She had a blank face today. Beside her Tamanna and Meherin were laughing their hearts out, but she didn’t join. She just stood there and watched... I didn’t know what she was watching. I only saw her looking up front.

Is she sad? Why?

The bell rang and teachers began to come out the front gate into the field. As soon as I saw Mrs. Sriti, I ran to her and said, “Ma’am, can I be the oath leader today?”

She gave a casual nod. That’ll do!

But the moment I turned, I saw Mustafiz and Apon walking in the same direction. They went past me, without even bothering to look, and told Mrs. Sriti, “Ma’am, can we say the oath today?”

I smiled. Nah, folks! I already asked her.

“Okay.”

What?

They walked back. And this time, Mustafiz winked at me.

I couldn’t believe it. I asked first, and ma’am did nod. And then she just gave them permission too? What’s going on?

Then I figured it: The oath leader wasn’t such a big deal after all. Mrs. Sriti obviously didn’t care if it was me or them saying the oath. Plus, she seemed kinda off today. Maybe she didn’t even notice I went there and asked her. She barely looked at me!

I glanced at Mustafiz and Apon. They were chatting cheerfully now. Well, they had every reason to be happy. They got the permission, didn’t they?

So this is how you want me to play. Okay, then.

The Principal walked into the field a minute later. He stood behind us, the PT Leaders, before we formed a line opposite him facing the disciplined rows of students. The bell rang.

Nidhi, the Central Leader, shouted, “Students, at ease!”

Everyone gave a little jump and then landed, stamping their feet and spreading them apart.

“Attention!”

Another jumping and landing, feet locked together this time.

“National anthem. One, two.”

With a deep breath, I joined the loud chorus.

My golden Bengal, I love you

Forever thy skies, thy air, set my heart in tune as if it were a flute

My golden Bengal, I love you

O mother! The aroma of the mango orchard in Falgun drives me crazy

I gasped. That verse had the highest note in the song. And it made me gasp almost always.

Ah, what a thrill!

O mother! The aroma of the mango orchard in Falgun drives me crazy,

In the month of Ogrohayon sees sweet smiles all through mature fields of paddy.

My golden Bengal, I love you.

What beauty, what shades, what affection, what tenderness!

What a quilt have thee spread at the feet of banyan trees and along the bank of every river,

Oh mother mine, words from thy lips are like nectar to my ears.

And again, I gasped.

Ah, what a thrill!

Oh mother mine, words from thy lips are like nectar to my ears.

If sadness, O mother! casts a gloom on your face, my eyes are filled with tears!

O golden Bengal, I love you

My golden Bengal, I love you.

I cleared my throat and tapped on the ground. Everyone in the field shuffled a little in their own ways, trying to relax.

And after a couple of seconds, Nidhi shouted again, “Students, at ease!”

Jump, land, feet spread apart.

“Attention!”

Jump, land, feet locked.

“Oath.”

Right arm jerked forward.

Show time!

“I take oath that—”

Everyone repeated “I take oath that”, but there was also a mild chuckle. Because It wasn’t Apon or Mustafiz who spoke the oath first. It was Mustafiz, Apon, and me. Three altogether! And it sounded like a scream.

“To the service of mankind—” Once again, we spoke the words together. This time Apon and Mustafiz frowned at me. And I frowned back.

“To the service of mankind—” everyone repeated.

“I will be committed.” Again, all three.

“I will be committed.”

“To the country—” All three again. No one backed off.

“To the country—” Chuckles were getting louder.

“I will be loyal.” Apon tried to be the loudest this time, and so sounded ridiculous. And only a few people repeated the oath now as chuckles turned into chortles.

“To protect unity and harmony in the country” Still, all three.

Right then, the entire field became a laughing house. Even Nidhi, Meherin and Tamanna laughed at us.

“What’s going on here, huh?” It was the Principal. And with that voice, I bet he could make anyone sweat.

We three turned to face him.

“Why’re you three speaking the oath together?”

Heads bent, eyes down, no words.

“Come on. Tell me.”

It was Mustafiz who showed some guts. “Sir, we… I mean, Apon and I asked Mrs. Sriti if we could be oath-leaders today. She said yes.”

Immediately, I cut in. “That’s not right. I asked first.”

“Enough.”

That was a thunderbolt. I looked down again.

“Fighting to speak the oath. Good. You’re showing enthusiasm for the right things. But you’re being too enthusiastic about it, don’t you think?”

We nodded.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Sriti walked to the Principal and said, “Sir, I’m sorry. I should’ve chosen an oath-leader myself, but these boys all want it desperately.”

“It’s okay.” He smiled. “We’ll let all three of them do it in turns. And today…” His eyes roved around, from Mustafiz to Apon to me and back again, and finally settled on me.

“Why don’t we let Tawsif do it today?”

Oh, I wanted to scream!

“Mustafiz, Apon, you’re okay with this?”

Come on! Say it. Say you’re okay with me beating you.

They nodded, but the look on their faces, especially the way Mustafiz kind of sighed, said it all.

“Okay, then. It’s settled. Tawsif, you may carry on with the oath.”

“Yes, sir!” I said and wheeled around. Mustafiz and Apon turned too, their bodies suddenly so slow and limp.

I almost went “I take oath that” straightaway, but then I realized Nidhi had to give the central command first. I turned to my right, and saw Nidhi was looking at me too. That unsettled me a bit. 

I gave her an expectant look. 

She nodded back.

She understood. She just responded to my gesture.

“Students, attention!” Nidhi commanded.

Jump, land, feet locked.

“Oath.”

Right arm jerked forward.

And then, in a very high pitch, I said, “I take oath that—”

When everyone repeated after me, I couldn’t help shuddering. 


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40 Reviews


Points: 3221
Reviews: 40

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Sun Jun 28, 2020 2:22 am
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Cow wrote a review...



Hello, hello! I am here to review!

From what I can tell, there's a lot that needs work but you do seem to have this simplistic style, which I like and you don't see simple, overdone styles too much!

First off, dialogue. Add action! Don't be afraid to use words other than said or stated. Said is like the dread word when writing someone talking - its good to use on occasion but don't over-do it!

Here's an example for including action into dialogue -

Ex - "Please... I'm begging you," My voice was hoarse, the tears running down my face hot. My hands were clawing at the ground and I could feel the blood begin to pour. "Please, I didn't do it. Please!"

While a character is talking, putting in an action they would be doing while talking, it can be dramatic or as simple as taking a sip of coffee and noticing its cold instead of warm.

Another thing, try reading your dialogue out loud to make sure it doesn't seem like its blander than the look of flour. it will help it seem like an actual person is there, saying what you have written. It should help with the flow and taste of what the reader is well, reading, not to mention help you understand how you want a character to talk or if what they are saying fits their personality,

With characters, always take time to understand and develop them. Ask yourself questions like favorite food would they have? How about do they have favorite pajamas or a favorite hat? What makes them, them in a sense and how would they react to certain situations like missing homework, being late to work, etc. Maybe they can't stand certain weather and you can develop a background with a specific reason for that instance.

Description as well. Your style is simple, so maybe don't overdue it with elegant, overdrawn Stephen King descriptions. You'll most likely want short yet sweet descriptions that hit the reader in the gut, like poetry description!

Otherwise, I liked the simplicity! Very nice, very nice.

- Cow




Tawsif says...


Thanks for the review.



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Points: 429
Reviews: 17

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Tue May 12, 2020 7:00 am
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potter4life wrote a review...



The book you wrote was an intresting book but you can improve in some ways.

You can for example,add in some scary parts where maybe on the stage he fell and found some stuff and bad people i guess? That may make it morre exiting and can make people engaged and want to read more.

This way you can also write more chapters and have an adventure story !

i like reading it a lot though.Its really funny and not really a romance book to be honest but here

<<And then, in a very high pitch, I said, “I take oath that—>>

You can add in a bit of points like add in people laughing once again and another problem arises?

Its your story to edit but i hope these pints that i have tried to give you may help!

Its a really nice and funny book so keep up the good job!




Tawsif says...


Thanks for the appreciation. It means a lot.
Also, you could read the previous parts to get a better Idea on how this is actually a 'Romance' novel. In fact, I'll request you to take a look. You might love it!



potter4life says...


Ok!I will check it out, also,keep up the good job!You may be a great writer 1 day:]



Tawsif says...


Thanks. Hey, you got any work posted yet? I could review them if you liked.



potter4life says...


I am working on it soon! I will tell you once ive posted it! Thanks anyway:]




"Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness."
— Bishop Desmond Tutu