Hello again! Interesting chapter!
So Ginika is definitely still feel the effects of the alcohol, but is Kambili? This chapter is a bit shorter than your previous chapter and I think you could show more at the beginning. I would be curious to know how they got home and what the reaction was from their parents when they got home. You tell us a little about that at the beginning, but I would like to see more of the aftermath. This chapter is centered around Kambili's feelings towards Ginika (more on that in a minute) and since you're still early in the novel, this is a great time to start planting some seeds for other plot lines. I think developing the mom's and that family connection could be a great little plot seed to get going in this chapter, but we need to see more of them and everything that happened.
So let's talk talk about that relationship, yeah?
I'm intrigued for a couple of reasons. There's some sort of mystery or secret here because I'm guessing Kambili and Ginika used to be much better friends than they are right now. I'm curious to know how they became friends and what their relationship used to look like before everything started to crumble. I'm also curious to know what caused the crumble. I'm guessing it was a series of events and Ginika slowly morphing into a person that Kambili doesn't like nor support, but I'm wondering how all of that came to be. I'm also curious about why Kambili is still sticking around. She obviously has some very strong feelings about Ginika and the choices Ginika is making, so I'm also wondering what's in it for her at this point and why she still wants to be her friend when so much has changed.
Now, I don't want you to try to answer all of those questions and quandaries in this chapter Some of these you may never quite answer at all, and that's okay. I pose all of this as a way to help you get thinking about your characters and your plot and to let you know as an outside reader what I'm hoping to find out as I keep reading. I'm hoping for all of this to be slowly revealed over the course of the novel.
I'm still waiting for an oomph with the plot. I'm curious about the friendship and what happened, but I'm also really curious to know what the main plot thread is going to be. Is it all about what happened between Kambili and Ginika or Kambili saving/helping Ginika? I'm curious to know what Kambili wants or what her goal is, what's standing in her way or what the problem is, and what the stakes are or why it matters that she reaches her goal.
I'm not a huge fan of Kambili calling her friend a slut and a whore and a prostitute and all of those other words. (I'm going to bump the rating on this chapter for you just for those words). I could go into a long feminist rant about my feelings about those words, but I don't think that'll be all that helpful to you because it's not super pertinent to the chapter :p But anyway. I thought it was interesting that Kambili went to all of that trouble to tell her friend how she feels and really lay it all out there when her friend isn't even conscious to hear it or care. Did Kambili do that on purpose because she's afraid of her friend hearing how she really feels, or did she expect her friend to hear? I'm wondering if there's a better person Kambili could get those feelings about to so that it's a more of a two-sided conversation. It could help plant some more plot seeds to get someone else involved and it might be a more engaging read for your reader.
I hope you keep working on this because you have some interesting ideas brewing here and I'd be curious to see how you develop your idea further! If you do end up posting more and you want me to keep reading, just let me know! And please let me know if you have any questions or if anything I said was confusing
Points: 32055
Reviews: 1162
Donate