Muna finally got a hold of herself and she and Emeka sat down to talk some. He bought them a little drink and they talked and sipped. "Emeka, you of all people know I don't want to stay in this village but how can I just parade into the city with this man and go to beauty pageant. I don't know where he is and I have no family in Lagos."
Emeka took a long sip of his drink. "Munachiduto" he drawled her name slowly and surely. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her very gently on the cheek. So gently it was as if the kiss was not there. "You are the most brilliant girl I know. There are so many things you want to do with yourself. Don't stay here. Go to the city. Become a big chick and then you will gist me of Lagos when you get back. I love you like my sister and I want you to be happy" By the time he was done, Muna's eyes had filled with tears and Emeka's had too. he wiped a stray tear so quickly as if to say it was an intruder on his face. He pulled her in for another hug and kissed her forehead. "Or do you want to be disturbed by the sounds of the cock crow again?" Muna giggled and leaned deeper into her friend.
After her meeting with Emeka, she started on the familiar path home. As she walked through the streets of her village, filled with red sand, she thought about how all these things she had grown so accustomed to would soon become a whisper of a memory. She looked at all the tall Iroko trees said to cure even the gravest of ailments. Stopping for a brief moment to fix her slippers, she continued home. She thought about the sun that always seemed to enchant her and her friends on their way to the farm and to school. She knew the sun was the same all over the world but she did wonder if it acted differently in the eery environment of her village. She hated the way girls chatted about America as if it was heaven. She loved her eba and egusi with assortments of fish and meat. She did not care for their so called chicken and chips. She was happy with her village life and she would beat her chest and proudly say where she was from. She knew Africa was a bit under developed but they had values and traditions they held unto strongly.
She knew she would miss tales of the tortoise and the animal kingdom stories Mama Nkechi would tell them children around the fire at night. She loved that and she preferred her oral story to any thing holly wood or any other of the woods would produce.
Of course she respected the Americans for all their achievements,wisdom and progress but she certainly liked her lifestyle and she would choose it any day. Part of the reason she wanted to make something of herself was because she wanted people to be proudly declare where they came from.
She came closer to the stream near her house and remembered when her and Emeka were still kids and would come here to swim. Tears threatened to fill her eyes and she wiped them away quickly.
Muna entered into her home and heard some Loud praying from the room. "Na aha Jesus, onye nweanyi" (In the name of Jesus Christ our lord.) she sighed not knowing the next time she would have a normal family prayer or hear that Igbo phrase.
Muna leaned against the wall and she thought. Life is filled with taking chances and changes and unfortunately, this was one of them. She was going to go to Lagos with this man and make something of herself. Her maths teacher whom they called "Professor England" always said "One who doesn't want to farm every day will have no yams for the festival." interpreted as one who won't work hard, will have nothing to reap.
Pulling the card out of her pocket, her choice was final.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Hello Swavvy!
How do you do?
Wecome to YWS!
This piece dragged my attention immediately because I'm Nigerian and I'm Igbo. Well, I love what you did with the story. I was enchanted and i really want to know what happens later in Muna's life.
I'm not one for long reviews, and i can't exactly point out your errors but i should give a little advice on your descriptions of the terms used; you should not put them after the sentence, maybe at the end of the whole article, sound good?
You seemed to have adept knowledge of Nigeria, are you Nigerian? I think all the 'local' words in italics so when you explain it, it would be understood.
overall, great scenery, i LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it!
Bee
Hi. Ironically, I am Nigerian and igbo as well. I do have quite a good knowledge of my language so I guess that's why I was able to spell it properly. Cool meeting you!!!
Hey there, Swavvy! I hope I'm not too late to give you a warm welcome to YWS!!!
I was going to review your first chapter, but then when I scrolled down, you mentioned something about you correcting all of the errors, but they weren't saved. So I decided to read the first chapter but not reviewing. I'll review on this second chapter now.
I'll start with the errors before moving on to the parts I loved.
First, the title. It should be "The Sun Will Rise Again" because it's the title of a story.
Okay, now then, every time two or more people are having a conversation, remember that paragraphs and punctuation are important. Every time a different person speaks, it should start a new paragraph. For example, the first paragraph of the story was all about Muna and Emeka talking, but they were all mashed up into one paragraph.
Here's how I review: the [ marks the start of a new paragraph, where as the (...) are my own corrections. The {...} means I will comment on them later.
" Muna finally got a hold of herself and she and Emeka sat down (for a chat). He bought them (some) drink(s) and they talked and sipped. [ "Emeka, you of all people know I don't want to stay in this village(,) but how can I just parade into the city with this man and go to beauty pageant(?) I don't know where he is and I have no family in Lagos." [ Emeka took a long sip of his drink. "Munachiduto(,)" he drawled her name(,) slowly and surely. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her very gently on the cheek. So gently it was as if the kiss was not there. "You are the most brilliant girl I know. There are so many things you want to do with yourself. Don't stay here. Go to the city. Become a big chick and then you will gist me of Lagos when you get back. I love you like my sister and I want you to be happy(.)" { *gist is a popular Nigerian term for conversation between friends. } [ By the time he was done, Muna's eyes had filled with tears and Emeka's had too. (H)e wiped a stray tear so quickly as if to say it was an intruder on his face. [ He pulled her in for another hug and kissed her forehead. "(O)r do you want to be disturbed by the sounds of the cock crow again?" [ Muna giggled and leaned deeper into her friend. "
About the note concerning the meaning of gist, that should not be there. If a reviewer points the word out, you should just tell the reviewer of its Nigerian meaning. No need for the star and then the explanation.
About different paragraph, just in case you are confused, I shall explain. Every time a writer brings up a new subject, a new paragraph should be started. Take my own example:
"She had beautiful porcelain-like skin, long dark hair which cascaded down her back like a curtain, and stunning, almond-shaped eyes.
However, underneath that layer of beauty and charisma was a rude and evil witch. She would kick a child in the face and laugh, then walk away before any figure of authority approached. "
See, the first paragraph described her looks, but when I want the reader to focus on a new aspect of the character, I start a new paragraph and write about the personality. It as simple as that, really, and can easily be applied to your story.
There were several spelling errors, like the last line, where the word "Pocket" was capital, when it's not supposed to be capital.
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Okay, now for the parts I loved!!
First, I love how you described that Muna holds and believes strongly onto her own identity. It fills me with some kind of proud emotion, as to the strong sense that she has, and how happy Muna is of her origins and culture.
By the way, the touch of culture is very, very nice. It makes the story more realistic, like when you write things in their foreign language and translate them later, or if you include some of the foreign names, or traditional aspects of Muna's culture.
Some of the imagery in here was just breath-taking. Parts like these were well-written:
" As she walked through the streets of her village, filled with red sand, she thought about how all these things she had grown so accustomed to would soon become a whisper of a memory. "
" She knew she would miss tales of the tortoise and the animal kingdom stories Mama Nkechi would tell them children around the fire at night. "
It reminds me of my own childhood though it's very different from Muna's. Besides that, there were some lines that had such honesty and sincerity I stared at them for a very long time, because when I read them, I felt something pierce my heart because...well, what Muna was thinking was true!
" She hated the way girls chatted about America as if it was heaven. She loved her eba and egusi with assortments of fish and meat. She did not care for their so called chicken and chips. She was happy with her village life and she would beat her chest and proudly say where she was from. She knew Africa was a bit under developed but they had values and traditions they held unto strongly. "
The truth has been spoken! This story has so many values and heart-warming traits, I can't believe it hasn't gotten any attention!
I'm totally looking forward to your next chapter. By the way, if you need any help, don't be afraid to send me a message!
~Brunnera
The story Is really good, you describe the characters very well and how they feel, and what there situation is, I feel like I'm in the story and I can visualize everything and everyone. The decision is clear.
Thanks a lot. The main character and I are quite similar in some ways in our views about life so it's kinda a personal piece.