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Lines from a Lover

by SuraikheySuraj


I have seen two bodies bound to one breath

I have seen two breaths bound to one body

How can anyone prevent love from happening?
I have seen union of the Death & the Nectar

Not only the Moon is crazy about love
I have seen the Sun, blushing in 10 different ways

My love, you are afraid to be a beautiful one
But I have seen a beauty in being afraid

"I know nothing about things like love",
I thought that, and then I saw you
- Suraikhey Suraj


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46 Reviews


Points: 55
Reviews: 46

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Tue May 21, 2019 6:04 pm
starryknightt wrote a review...



Hey there!

This is so cute. I really love it. I feel like I'm always going on and on about how unique every piece of work on this site is...but it's the truth. Everyone here thinks like no one else and I love reading your thoughts on a page.

The emotion in this piece is fantastic. I love the beat you have going in every two lines. I'm not super great at poetry, but yours really reads like art. You leave me wondering a little bit, a little starry-eyed. The metaphors and imagery are absolutely gorgeous, too.

I will definitely be reading more from you.

-M




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8 Reviews


Points: 520
Reviews: 8

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Sun May 19, 2019 3:05 pm
MissDevonshire wrote a review...



This is so sweet! The chosing of words is on point. Love the narure methaphores a lot. They have this wonderful romantic feel to them without being to abstract, truly perfectly balanced. Another thing that I admire is when you use some of the same words in two sentences in a row and twist them around. For example in the beginning and in the second last part.

Usually I don't like when writers skip using full stops in their poetry. However I think you made it work since you split the text up wisely so it still was easy to read.

I also like the title, both memorable and beautiful. Your name (or just username, I don't know) also sounds like the name of a real world famous poet :).

The only thing I would change is the last line. Personally I would prefer "I thought, but then i saw you" to give it more rhytm. But that's just my opinion and it's totally up to you.

Wonderful poem, keep writing!






Thanks for passing by dear! I am glad to see that this poem had a positive effect on its readers. My real name is Suraj, as in user name. The word "Suraikhey" in user name is a Sanskrit word, meaning "Son of Surekha" , Surekha is my Mother's name (Yes, you can create words in Sanskrit having a particular meaning if you know enough of it:)). I am not that famous yet but it's good to hear that I sound like a famous one. You are right. A little change in last line can make it better. Keep suggesting.
Yours Sincerely,
Suraikhey Suraj



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114 Reviews


Points: 7140
Reviews: 114

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Sat May 18, 2019 9:05 pm
FabihaNeera says...



Hello,

This is really nicely written! Every line just holds a poetic and deep meaning around love. I like how you switched around the words in the first and fourth stanza to give each one a different meaning, but with the same words. Overall, this poem is really meaningful!

Keep Writing. :)






Thanks for passing by dear! I am glad to see that this poem had a positive effect on its readers. Thanks for elaborating about what exactly you liked. It will help me to understand my own writing. Keep suggesting.
Yours Sincerely,
Suraikhey Suraj



FabihaNeera says...


you're welcome :)




Also. Jack, why do I feel like you are responsible for spamming the site with the Bee Movie quote in the quote generator. *looks suspiciously*
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