I have seen two bodies bound to one breath
I have seen two breaths bound to one body
How can anyone prevent love from happening?
I have seen union of the Death & the Nectar
Not only the Moon is crazy about love
I have seen the Sun, blushing in 10 different ways
My love, you are afraid to be a beautiful one
But I have seen a beauty in being afraid
"I know nothing about things like love",
I thought that, and then I saw you
- Suraikhey Suraj
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Hey there!
This is so cute. I really love it. I feel like I'm always going on and on about how unique every piece of work on this site is...but it's the truth. Everyone here thinks like no one else and I love reading your thoughts on a page.
The emotion in this piece is fantastic. I love the beat you have going in every two lines. I'm not super great at poetry, but yours really reads like art. You leave me wondering a little bit, a little starry-eyed. The metaphors and imagery are absolutely gorgeous, too.
I will definitely be reading more from you.
-M
This is so sweet! The chosing of words is on point. Love the narure methaphores a lot. They have this wonderful romantic feel to them without being to abstract, truly perfectly balanced. Another thing that I admire is when you use some of the same words in two sentences in a row and twist them around. For example in the beginning and in the second last part.
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Usually I don't like when writers skip using full stops in their poetry. However I think you made it work since you split the text up wisely so it still was easy to read.
I also like the title, both memorable and beautiful. Your name (or just username, I don't know) also sounds like the name of a real world famous poet
The only thing I would change is the last line. Personally I would prefer "I thought, but then i saw you" to give it more rhytm. But that's just my opinion and it's totally up to you.
Wonderful poem, keep writing!
Thanks for passing by dear! I am glad to see that this poem had a positive effect on its readers. My real name is Suraj, as in user name. The word "Suraikhey" in user name is a Sanskrit word, meaning "Son of Surekha" , Surekha is my Mother's name (Yes, you can create words in Sanskrit having a particular meaning if you know enough of it:)). I am not that famous yet but it's good to hear that I sound like a famous one. You are right. A little change in last line can make it better. Keep suggesting.
Yours Sincerely,
Suraikhey Suraj
Hello,
This is really nicely written! Every line just holds a poetic and deep meaning around love. I like how you switched around the words in the first and fourth stanza to give each one a different meaning, but with the same words. Overall, this poem is really meaningful!
Keep Writing.
Thanks for passing by dear! I am glad to see that this poem had a positive effect on its readers. Thanks for elaborating about what exactly you liked. It will help me to understand my own writing. Keep suggesting.
Yours Sincerely,
Suraikhey Suraj
you're welcome