You would not believe your eyes,
If ten million fireflies,
Lit up the world as I fell asleep.
Is this a dream or reality?
Usually at night I like to stare up at the sky. To me, the stars are my best friends and they’re the ones that actually listen to me. It’s too bad that I’m stuck down here, on this Earth with nothing but my attitude to keep me going.
Now, it’s not like I don’t have anyone. I do. I should tell you right now that firefly’s talk to me whenever I enter my backyard! It’s true! I know you all are looking at me with that strange look but I’m being serious. I don’t know when it happened, or how for the matter, but I can hear all of the little guys complain about us humans. It’s actually rather funny that they do that! Such cute little voices.
Actually, now that I think about it, I should probably tell you about my name and stuff. Well, I’m Gina. Yes, I know. The name is rather odd to hear around these days but it’s not the worst. I have a friend named Charlie and she’s as preppy as a girl can get. Anyway, back to me babbling. I’m a teenager. Again, I know that’s a little cliché in every story you may have read. Still, I’m a brown haired, green eyed person that has one dream. To be in the sky.
It’s strange. I know for a fact that nearly everyone I meet in life wants to stay down on Earth. Why though? It’s so boring down here it’s not funny. I swear the amount of people down here that argue over such little things is uncountable. I seriously want to get rid of all the skanky clothes that they have here too. Unfortunately though, I can’t because the fireflies will come and annoy me. They always do that, telling me off.
It’s so annoying!
Hey, they’re back! Their wings fly over to me and pretty much take over my vision. I wince at the light but smile. They came back! They said that they would come back to me when the new season is here. It was in winter and now its summer! I’m so happy right now!
However, they’re frowning. They say that I should stop thinking such fowl thoughts and be grateful of what I got. I smirk and tell them that all I want is to be off this Earth. Or at least somewhere other than here. For some reason, they all smile and ask me to follow them!
Okay, I shall follow them! Come on, guys!
I run up to the clan of fireflies that crowd my bike. We’re going somewhere! I ask them where I’m going but they just say to get on. I hop on my bike but I’m so confused. Where are we going? I hope it’s to some ice cream store because I feel like eating some chocolate filled flavoured one!
Yes, that will be so nice!
That’s so mean; they’re not taking me to an ice cream place! Now they’re badgering me to hold on tight and always keep my grip on the handles. I stare but obey, still glaring at them for not taking me to an ice cream parlour.
Wait a minute. Why is the ground looking so far away? Am I flying? I glance to my feet and see them dangling from the petals and the bright lights that’s coming from fireflies butts blaring at me. I’m flying!
Oh wait, I don’t like flying.
I scream and demand them to get me off of this bike. They ignore me and continue to fly. Great, I’m over the ocean now. I hug the bike as my heart rate starts to climb at such a fast pace. I don’t want to die! Why are they doing this to me? Although, it is really pretty. The ocean ripples crash against one another and the sea salt walks through my senses.
I love the ocean!
We stop though. A sudden halt jolts me back into civilization and my eyes meet with this island. It’s really magical, with flowers that are bright and full of life and the trees reach up towards the sky. I see tiny people down there and they seem to be flying. Wait, people are in the sky? Oh, their fairies! Wow!
We reach the ground and I grin at the fireflies. They say that they have to go now and that makes me frown. I don’t want them to go! They’re so nice for bringing me here! However, I guess they have to do other things. I say good bye and they fly off, apparently bringing other people here.
I smile, staring at the night sky. I hope I see them again!
See you guys around then!
You'd think me rude,
But I would just stand and stare.
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139,278 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
Hi there, Moose here doing a short review.
This. Was pretty swell. Especially, in my opinion, the beginning, where the character pointed out that she was a teenager and that was cliché. In my opinion, pointing out your character is pointing out the cliché instantly makes it not as cliché (if that made any sense). The title was also an instant eye catcher, and it enticed me.
I did get a bit confused, however, when the fireflies take her on the bike. I don't know why, it's just a little bit hard to process: Where was she that she had her bike with her, at home? Why are the fireflies coming to get her? All of the questions I had loaned a bit of magic or mystery to the tale, but I would still love to know a few of these things, just so I could have a setting in my mind.
When you write,
with that, I would suggest saying 'I hope it's to an ice cream parlour, because I feel like eating some chocolate ice cream' or something along those lines: 'Chocolate filled flavoured one' is confounding.
Also, you repeat the words smiled and frowned quite a lot. A few suggestions would be to say grin, beam, scowl, glare, those sorts of things.
This was a lovely work, and it seems as if it could be continued- I would like to know what happens to this character.
Once again, nice work, SunsetSprite, and keep on writing!
Thanks for the tips!
It's not the best short ever written, but it's not bad either. One of those...sit down and read because you like to read kind of things. The concept is interesting, and the writing is pretty good as well, a little slow, but that may be how you meant it?
Thank you SunsetSprite!
Thanks for the tips!
Hell there just going to do a small review.
I thought this story was pretty alright, it was just a little relaxing read about it. Nothing over the top. Just a little story about fire flies.
The character itself is kind of weird but interesting to a point. Wanting to leave the world and all. It's kind of odd, so she doesn't care about her friends or family at all if she's so eager to leave. You normally don't see that a lot.
This story kind of felt odd to read because I didn't know if she was really talking or if this was all in her head. with sentences like "
Yes, that will be so nice!" and "Okay, I shall follow them! Come on, guys!" makes it seem like shes talking to them so if she was I would put quotations " "
I also think that some things could have been explained. I mean fire flies lifting up someone on a bike is kind of if you don't explain it if the story's semi realistic. Unless there was like a massive amount of fire flies.
Nice story none the less
Thank you for this!
This is such a quirky yet fun little story. This teenager, she's just on one thought and then to the next. Get ready for a rambly review!
The tone in this is very creative and upbeat. I like that you made this character seem, well, a little insane but at the same time enjoyable.
Now here's something I really don't like saying about other people's writing: it seemed unrealistic. I don't like saying this because not all writing is realistic, in fact, one could argue that realistic writing isn't realistic because things don't always happen like that in life, or something like that if that made any sense!
But with this character: she claims to be a teenager, but the way she acts and seems so oblivious to things makes her seem more like a child who desperately wants to be a teenager. Then again, it could also be seen that you're parodying teenagers, like making fun of that ability to not see the consequences of things. For instance, your character dreams of flying, she never thinks about the consequence of flying until she actually does it. That is a trait most people say teenagers have. Your character could be the parody of that.
I like the ending. It's funny that she doesn't realize that the fire
Hmph, I'd like to say more about this but I can't... Like I said before, it's a quirky and strange little piece that I cannot seem to wrap my head around.
Thanks! I know she seems quirky but I guess you could say she still has her inner child?
I forgot to finish the review! I was going to say that I think it's funny that she doesn't realize the fireflies have just kidnapped her. Also, the fireflies in this story are interesting. Their motives leave me wondering if they are helping or if they are doing something bad or both. I like how you left the reader thinking about that. And yeah, I guess you could say she still has her inner child. Happy writing!
Thanks!
Hi
here is my quick little review for Fireflies.
For the most part I really like it, it got me curious about the world you painted. Which is my one tiny sadness about this story, I wanted to know a little bit more about what the fairies looked like for example. But overall I would give it a thumbs up, I love the way you talk to the reader, it makes the story more engaging.
(oh and I absolutely love that song!)
Thank you! I'm glad you like it! (I know right?! >.<)
Hello SunsetSprite, Cheetah here to review your marvelous songfic!
I really, really liked this. It was simple and easy to understand which is good because it draws in the readers. I also loved your description. Ex: 'The ocean ripples crash against one another and the sea salt walks through my senses.' Beautiful.
Now on to the nit-picky part of the review.
Just a small error. Change 'firefly's' to 'fireflies' to fix this.
Having two similar words so close to each other just doesn't work. To make this sentence flow better you could change the sentence to, 'I know you all are looking at me strangely but I’m being serious.'
I'm a little confused as to why you have this sentence here. It doesn't really do anything to the story. Perhaps you do have a reason in which case you can choose to keep it but if you don't have one I would suggest you take this out.
Just slash that unnecessary word.
Correct 'fowl' to 'foul' because otherwise it's a kind of bird.
Change 'their' to 'they're'.
That's about it! I'm really sorry if I sounded harsh. This was really good and I wanted to point out all the little spelling and grammar errors which are about the only thing you need to fix. The only other thing I would have liked to read is the fireflies talking to him so I could know what they were saying and so I could become mare immersed in the story. But I like it as it is also! Great job and keep writing!
Nah, it's alright! Thank you for this!
You're welcome!!
Hi SunsetSprite,
Wow. i really loved your story here. It was so imaginative and creative. Yes its my fantasy too to fly up high in the sky. I really liked how you started and ended your story with the yrics of the song fireflies. Your story here was really interesting and yes, funny especially that ice cream place part. I really liked the structure of your whole story. Keep up the good work
Thank you!