This is for my friend, she won't see it, but I know it's here. That's all that matters.
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Canary word: Present
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125,025 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hi, Sunflowerdemon (love the username, by the way!)
This is such a beautiful poem! When I saw the description, I thought it was going to talk about pessimism versus optimism, but instead, I got something a heck of a lot more relatable!
I absolutely love your first stanza, "My glass is empty / I haven't taken a sip out of it in years / Yet here I am, desperately thirsty, with no water". I think it's a beautiful opening, and it really draws you in.
I honestly can't find any big critiques, but I do have one question concerning punctuation. I noticed you don't have any except at the very end, and I was wondering if there is a reason for that? There are definitely places I would suggest putting at least a question mark in.
For example, "But why is it now, as my throat is dry, no tears can form / that no one will help me".
Also, I think the rhythm of the poem starts to change a bit toward the end. The line "I walk over, I don't offer water, I offer a hand" really threw me off because it doesn't fit very easily into the flow of the poem. (Also, small typo in the second to last line - I believe "are" is supposed to be "our"?)
Other than that, really amazing job with this! I can't wait to see what you write next!
It ends happily and justly, with you and your friend finding the stream of water. I liked reading this poem because it teaches that we can heal one another and find our running stream of water. Too often, we help those who don’t deserve it. There is at least person in the world who does deserve our love and affection.
The only mistakes in this are a few spelling errors. With “are” I’m sure you meant “our” and with ”then” I think you meant “than”.
Other than that, this was a beautiful poem. Good job!
I wish you a wonderful day/night.