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What is it Really?

by Stripelife1

what is it to you?

hazardus flakes
of cold substance,
unpleasant to the touch,
canceling activities of that day?

what is it really?

delicate puffes
of beautiful water crystals,
falling to show off their beauty.
But how pleasant it is 
when the ground
is covered in the 
white, sparkling blanket

It is really
a show of
God's beauty
you see,
He loves pretty things,
and lets us see it too
though we are sinful and greety

what is it to you?

dangerous conditions with
rain, lightning, and thunder too
occasionally destroying property
and taking lives

what is it really?

dark clouds
producing rain, hail, sleet, or snow
much needed for the Earth
spreading seeds
of all new plants
to give land all new birth

it is really
the performence
of God's power.
Stronger than
all the feirce
enemies we face.

what is it to you?

red and orange blazes
of light and smoke
destroying all
in its path,
stealing lives
and never holding back.

what is it really?

spirit of heat
warming the soul
not dead,
but alive with temper.
slow to devoure
but quick to find

It is really
the represent 
of God's temper
Our Lord,
slow to anger
as the fire is slow to devoure

what is it to you?

cold, sticky splashes
falling from clouds
to the Earth,
flooding lakes and ponds and rivers

what is it really?

cool, wet droplets of water
that bring life to the Earth
suply us with water
and plants with food

It is really
the perfect image
of God's love
though he sends 
the blizards, storms, and fire
God provides for those he loves.

I hope you learned it well
what seems bad
may just be God
revealing Himself

Now out of beauty,
and long temper,
love is the most important
so go, and do the same!

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User avatar
18 Reviews

Points: 990
Reviews: 18

Sat Mar 02, 2013 8:44 pm
EatSleepRead1120 wrote a review...

Hi, EatSleepRead here.
Nice poem. This is really good. :)
I hope i come across as trying to help when i say this.
Everything was great, but there were some errors on some words.
"Steeling lives"
i know you meant stealing lives, but be careful on tricky words like this. These words are called homophones, where they have a same sound when you say it, but different spelling and meaning.
In this case, stealing and steeling are homophones. They sound the same, but they have different spellings and meanings.
Im sure you know all of this already, so i wont go further into it.

Great great job though! Hope i somehow helped! :)
Oh and one more thing: always read over your work, no matter how long it is, because there are chances you messed up in places. If you checked the whole thing over once or twice, you could fix any mistakes you made the first time.
I used to not read over my work, and my teachers pointed out alot of stupid over looked errors i could have fixed if i checked it over. I learned, so please check over your work :)

Good job though :)

Random avatar
Stripelife1 says...

thanks! I think that i might start reading over the poems before sending them. thanks for the advise. i am a terrible speller and typer, so many mistakes are caused by typos and spelling errors! I probably would have caught that if i read through it. thanks for the advice! :)

User avatar
1318 Reviews

Points: 23911
Reviews: 1318

Fri Mar 01, 2013 12:26 pm
Hannah wrote a review...

Alright! First, please make sure from now on to spell-check your work before you post it up. Spelling errors are easy to find with word processors, or even on the site while you're submitting. This helps readers take your piece more seriously. Presentation is important.

Now, there's a strong message behind this poem, obviously. It comes out crystal clear, especially in the last few stanzas, but that's because you are kind of explaining it out right. The thing is, in my opinion, there's a difference in the way you get your message across in poetry vs. how you get it across in a story/non-fiction/a screenplay/a dance, etc. You know? So for me, poetry is about evoking the thought and feeling that the poet wants the reader to feel without outright saying it, without lecturing and leading the reader to it.

So what's good about this poem is that nature is SO AWESOME in making people feel, because of all the reasons you're talking about. It's dangerous, and at the same time it's calming and loving, and if you can evoke those feelings and tones and textures without trying to weave your non-fiction message in so obviously and bluntly, you can make this a very moving poem, you know?

I would say focus less on the plain repetition and more on the feeling of God moving through these textures, sights, and sounds. It might work to bring out personality in the nature elements, or even images of faces or arms or body parts to bring in that idea of a person-ish deity that is in the fabric of these dangerous, but maybe necessary occurrences.

I hope this review is helpful. (:

PM me if you have any questions.

Good luck and keep writing!

Random avatar
Stripelife1 says...

thanks for your advice. i personally think that a poem can be like a puzzle that the reader has to figure out, but this poem was aiming for the people who don't read poetry as much, so it would be harder for them to solve the puzzle. But thanks for your opinion though! :)

You are strong enough to conquer this day and the rest of your life.
— Tuckster