I walked with danger

This is a really good poem! Almost every line flowed together perfectly, and the descriptions were great! I loved the lines;

"His name: Taboo,"

"As I gazed at the blue sky in his eyes"[i/]

These were both great lines, but my favourite was;

[i] "I walked with danger on a Saturday night."

I liked this line because it seemed so ordinary, after all the amazing descriptive writing it ends with that and it makes the poem even better!!

Great poetry!!:)

That was really good. I don't know anything about peoms, but that was a great story. It was very well explained. Most of the poems I've read have some underlying meaning to them and it is sometimes hard to understand. This was straight and to the point. The last line of the poem was just amazing. It really summed everything up. Good job, keep it up.

I seem to recall reading this before; in your NaNo thread? Anyway, it's nice to be able to comment this time!

I walked with danger on a Saturday night
His eyes invited me [I love this opening, there's something very Dickinson about it. You could read her poem 'Because I could not Stop for Death' as this really reminds me of that (and that's a compliment).]
I couldn’t say no [I don't like this line. It seems too... I don't actually know how to explain myself. But it doesn't flow as well as the others and it feels too basic or too prosey? For me it just takes away from the opening so much.]

Underneath the streetlights we laughed [I think changing a few words around here might make this line more effective. Like: We laughed beneath the streetlights' ]
His name: Taboo [Love this line, easily my favourite! <33]
His presence unwanted by the decent [I'm not sure about this. The decent is such an odd phrase! Maybe try a different word like uh... 'humanity' or 'the pride'. I know, not great examples but spend some time thinking on it, I'm sure you'll come up with something that flows better.]

They said he was dangerous [I don't know that we need to be told this? It feels like a bit of a repeat so maybe go into more detail here, how is he dangerous? What about him makes him appear dangerous?]
Walking with him I never felt safer

As we walked through the town
The walls of the courthouse condemned me
“Traitor,” They whispered [Love the half rhyme of safer and traitor. That works really well!]

Forbidden, he was something I possessed an unnatural wanting for [This line is too long and very prosey. Maybe try breaking it up?]
My mama would cry
My daddy would yell
And friends would gossip
If they knew [The rest of this stanza isn't really very interesting. It's too general and there's no imagery or interesting phrasing.]

His kiss was soft and sweet
As I gazed at the blue sky in his eyes
His smile was gentle and kind

Alright so I really loved the premise of this and it drew me in but I wanted there to be more. What makes these two characters any different from their counterparts? Why should we care about their story? You haven't given us enough specific details. Perhaps he has all the lyrics to Green Day tattooed across his arm or maybe his favourite film is Die Hard. What you're missing here is those key details that make the poem personal and bring it alive.

There's some great lines but a lot of very plain/ general ones as well that are keeping this from being more than good. What do they do on this Saturday besides kiss and walk? Do they bet her pocket money on a horse? Does he convince her to grafitti a wall? I wanted something more to this, to see who these two actually are and to see a story unravel about them.

It's a good start but really I wanted more. Let me know if you make any edits,

Heather xxx