Limitless

Hey! I'm not totally sure if you're still here but here I am!

I love your word choice. "without biological worry," is very cool way of wording. "suffocating hands" is also amazing.

I felt like you could also make some stanzas in this poem. It's just one big blob, which affects the flow. other than that great!

Keep writing and I hope you're still here haha

- Kamryn

Like noninjas said, this has potential, but it could do with some revision.

First of all, I have to say that I really like the idea of the third line. The image of the hands of the clock suffocating people is quite ingenious.

I think that the word "biological" really doesn't belong in this poem. It comes out as a little too formal, and it breaks the flow a little.

I don't think the rhyming works too well. The lack of a consistent pattern makes it not flow well. Either choose a pattern and stick with it, or do away with it altogether and focus on your developing your imagery without the confines of rhyming words.

I like noninja's ideas about separating into stanzas, but I'd like to add that you should put an extra break between the second and the third lines. That way, you could have an introductory stanza, and three stanzas all starting with "without"

Keep working, it'll be a great poem someday.

By the looks of things, you're new here so welcome to YWS and I hope this review helps.

This poem here certainly has potential, but is very rough and pointy. Don't take this too harshly, but instead as honest constructive criticism, but I myself wouldn't really like this poem. It is very unformed and any little flow it may possibly have is hiding inside there, very far down.

Though it isn't necessary, I'd recommend breaking this into two or three stanzas. Here's where I recommend breaking the poem up.
We limit ourselves,
our enemy the clock.
Without suffocating hands,
we could finally breathe,
live life free.
------------------------------
Without biological worry,
we would search the skies,
dreaming dreams,
flying high.
------------------------------
Without a limit,
life is but a dream.

I like the semi-rhyme between skies and high on the 7th and 9th line. That adds a bit of sweetness and emotion to the poem, but I dislike the repetition of dream, mainly in "dreaming dreams".

The last two lines certainly add a nice touch to the poem but the meaning of the lines could be a bit clearer, possibly framed in previous lines. What do you intend to mean by "Without a limit, / life is but a dream."? Do you mean that without that limit, life would be all peachy and sweet like a dream, or life without a limit is unreachable and just fantasy like a dream?

Like most of the newbies here, you have a lot to gain and learn by joining YWS. Don't be disheartened by my review - as with most things writing good poetry takes practice. And I can assure you, as long as you read these reviews and let YWS and its member help you to grow and learn in your literary life, then in a few years time, maybe even just one year, you'd look back at this piece and think to yourself 'Man YWS has made my poetry so awesome that I could cry.'

Whatever you do, keep writing and ninja on.
- noninjaspresent >(>==)>*