Death for All

Hey there! I'm here to review for you. I pasted the whole poem below here, and put my comments in parenthesis. So, hopefully you can figure it out. Overall, I liked a few lines in here, and I feel like you have a good hold on imagery and metaphors and such, but I don't know what the theme is. People die, so what? What are you really trying to say with this? It's a nice poem, but it feels almost, empty? It is good, though, and I hope I'm not being very harsh. Don't let me tell you anything for sure, though. Poetry is yours, so if you like the way it is, don't let me convince you otherwise. This is, after all, just my opinion.

Why must you die?

if death were for but one man,

(I find this sentence awkward to read. Everytime I try reading it I just get confused and it ruins the flow of the poem.)

leaving only memories with a sigh,

(Seems a bit out of place, though I do like this line.)

curse Grim who reaps across the land.

(Land and man don't rhyme, but you probably were just trying out a slant rhyme?)


Now we weep for those foregone.

the world is but a graveyard,

and we(comma) her keepers(comma) prattle along.

our lives are a fatal shard.
(Good ending line, I like this!)


Through jagged edges of reality,
(Nice imagery here.)

we fight fate for a cause,

but we are slaves to mortality.

our purpose left in death's jaws.

(Hm, this line, not so much. I mean, I feel like at this point you're just being redundant. I know the line is about mortality and dying, but maybe find a way to tell us without just... telling us? Don't know if that makes any sense.)


Now we go out like a light.

our own minds left in memories flash.

(Not sure what exactly this line means. I think you're missing a word or something.)

disappear into that good night.
(Wait, so is this whole dying thing good or bad? Or just indifferent? I'm not sure what you're trying to say besides that we die. How do you feel about it? How does it affect you? Is it a good night when we die? Or is death a bad thing as you imply with words like wrath and graveyard and fatal?)

we are upon death's wrath.

Hello, I would like to review your work!!!

I think this is a rather interesting poem. we all fear death. and on a sidenote if this is what you think of it like: death is being reborn if you are saved in Jesus you will die to live with him in Heaven for eternity. Sorry if i offend you with that comment, if i did, just dont listen to it:)

i love how you talk about death as a "wrath". this is how people can relate to it, they never want to die and leave thier loved ones. even i have this fear, but i have something to look foward to. (ugh, ignore that if offended.) i also like "deaths jaws" too. it describes it like a monster. you started with " why must you die?" i like but maybe instead of you, you should change it to "we".

thats all i have for now!!!! thanks for reading my review and keep writing!!!

~Lylas

P.S- welcome to YWS!!! i saw you were fairly new:) how are you liking it?

Staaaaary! Hey, sorry for the many A's. But anyways, let's get to my review for your lovely work, Death for All.

Okay, so upon reading the piece, I can see that you're trying to put up some kind of protest, a reflection of what we are now, our status. This is a very likable goal in the piece. The theme is perfect for it, death, death and more death. Also, this theme had been well preserved for the rest of the piece, so there's no use trying to comment there.

What needs to be seen is the coherence of your piece. There are lines like:

curse Grim who reaps across the land.

the world is but a graveyard,

we are upon death's wrath.