Jesus Birth was odd at first, a betrothed virgin with a round womb.
A king called Emmanuel, born in a stable with only a manger to keep him warm.
A choir of magnificent angels join the scene, giving news to shepherds the messiah was born.
The star led wise men from afar, bringing gifts of gold, myrrh, and frankincense.
Perfect life began.
A blind man from birth was healed by Jesus, and filled with mirth.
The corpse received breath in his lungs, and so rose from his slumber a new being.
Thunderous storms calmed, by the one who claims to be the messiah.
He gives mercy when you deserve to be mocked.
Healer of body and soul.
Prince of Peace gives relief to heavy burdens.
Truthful in all, not one lie escaped his mouth. Not one false thought entered his heart.
Perfect in all, he was obedient to death, even death on a cross.
Our role model.
His death gave us life, his punishment freedom.
No longer will we grovel in fear of death, nor hide from the face of darkness.
Jesus, who lived an unblemished life, took our sins upon him.
That we may dwell with him in the house of the Lord.
Sacrifice for all who believe.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
My opinion totally isn't biased because I'm your friend or anything, well maybe a little biased.
Anyways, you did a fantastic job! I really enjoyed reading it, and it reminds me of all that God and Jesus has done for us and that we should be thankful. Besides comas, which have already been acknowledged, it seems pretty much perfect. (Also you have an outstanding vocabulary.)
Amazing job! Thank you for making such a great poem.
That is high praise Teya! And thank you
You're welcome %uD83D%uDE09%u263A%uFE0F
Hey there! This is a nice piece, and I like the way it is succinct and yet flows smoothly. It doesn't necessarily have a poetic rhythm or rhyme, but it has an almost poetic feel. Great work there. I like how it divides into clear lines as well. Keep up the good work.
Thanks WinyWriter!
Hello there! I like that you incorporated the Gospel into this, well done!
Quick grammatical thing: in the first line, it should be "Jesus's Birth" or "Jesus' Birth".
The rest of this is purely stylistic:
I know that in the Bible and religious analytical texts, words like "Messiah" and any pronouns referring to Jesus are normally capitalized ("He/Him" instead of "he/him").
It seems like some of the lines are continuations of the previous one, so putting a period in between the two breaks the flow of things ("Jesus, who lived an unblemished life, took our sins upon him that we may swell with him in the house of the Lord" as one sentence rather than being split before "that").
Otherwise, you've written a lovely poem. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you for writing this review. I'm honored that this is your first review!
'Ello, I am an atheist myself, but I do enjoy learning more about religion.
Lots of comma issues, so I'll go through those.
No need for the comma after "king".
Comma needed after "myrrh".
The comma after "mercy" can go.
Isn't "Prince of Peace" a title? If so, capitalize it. Also, no comma after "peace".
There's more, but you catch my drift. Religion has a lot of things to it, so if you write a poem you have to understand all of its confusing nature. Titles like "Messiah" aren't capital when they are proper nouns. It's a good thing to improve on.
I hope this was helpful - Hopefully not rude either.
Axi
No you weren't rude at all. I do have some trouble with commas so thanks for pointing that out!