You remember rambling to him about dead flowers.
You mused, "Why do people give flowers to their partners? Like, once you cut them, you start a timer ticking down to their deaths. Is that supposed to symbolize that your love is going to die? I think flowers should be a breakup gift instead– something beautiful, but ephemeral."
He laughed, a sound as warm as the sunshine that day. "I'll make a note never to get you dying flowers. What are your thoughts on fake ones?"
You pondered that for a minute. "I think they're trying too hard to be something they're not. But at least they don't die."
. . .
He's older now. You are too. But you remember that day as crisply as if it were a video on your Lens. You remember every day, actually. At seventy-one, most of your friends are forgetting what they were doing five minutes ago. Half the time, that's watching constructed, virtual reality Memories of their youth on their Lenses. But you don't need AI to generate a Memory for you to remember what it was like to be young– you recall every line of dialogue, every facial expression, every detail back until you were twenty-three, and a good amount from before then as well.
He walks into the room, and you compare his face to your memories of ten, twenty, fifty years ago. There are more wrinkles now, but they feel comfortable, like the couch in the corner that's cracked from years of grandchildren flopping down onto it. And the smile that spreads across his face is just as infectious as it has ever been.
You smile back. "So, how would you rate today?" Rating your days has become something of a game over the years. Usually, it's on a scale of 1-10, though you might spice it up occasionally by using colors or foods instead of numbers.
"A 9.9. Deducted 0.1 because of those coughs that just wouldn't leave me alone in the morning." He grimaces.
You press your lips together in sympathy. It hasn't escaped your notice that he seems frailer by the week. But something within you pushes to change the topic to happier things. "Remember the first time you told me a day was a 10?"
Some of the light returns to his eyes at that. "Yes, yes… Let's switch to that day, shall we?"
. . .
The restaurant bustles with life. Waiters carry plates of curry to customers around you and the murmur of conversations fills the air. He sits across from you and you are eighteen.
(Weren't you just seventy-one?)
No… The moment of discomfort passes as you realize this is how things should be. Have always been. Will always be?
He says something, and you reply. You both laugh. The curry is delicious, especially after a long day of exploring the city, and it doesn't take long to finish the meal.
The waiter arrives with a payment machine. You whip out your credit card and beat him to paying, your card slapping against the machine half a second before his. You remember grinning proudly. (You've always thought it's stupid how guys are expected to pay for dates.)
No, you are grinning proudly. You say he can pay next time.
He coughs up blood.
. . .
The scene trembles violently for a moment, then stabilizes again. The waiter walks away with the payment machine. Nothing is wrong– he looks just as he did when he was nineteen– he is nineteen– he looks at you, and his eyes droop with an exhaustion that is beyond physical.
"You're not her."
. . .
"I… What?" You frown. You are her. You are yourself. Aren't you?
You remember everything. Your childhood. How you met. Graduating college, getting your first job, getting married, living your life. Your life. Right?
He squeezes his eyes shut. Almost to himself, he says, "She put a lot of herself in you, and you've acted out your role perfectly, but… I'm tired." He opens his eyes and smiles sadly at you. "Thank you, and goodbye."
. . .
A nurse helps him set the Lens on a side table. "Ready to see her again?" she asks gently, fiddling with the machines stubbornly connecting his old body to this world.
He isn't sure if he believes in an afterlife. But maybe… maybe hope is a good enough substitute for belief. And either way, he's ready to stop replaying the past.
He nods.
. . .
In your last seconds, you realize something. You think you may have suspected it all along.
Even artificial flowers reach the end of their lives.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
Hey mint!
I'd meant to read this one way earlier but lost it in the year-end chaos. The first scene hooked my attention - even though it's mostly dialogue between two characters I don't know yet, the idea of flowers being something "dying" and them being a good "breakup gift" was interesting. It sort of gave me a sense of the anxiety around death, since the "You" seems to prefer eternal life even if she would have to pretend forever. I think when I read the second and third scenes, something about it felt kind of . . . too perfect? I ended up feeling quite sad for the virtual partner, because her whole existence is just tied to whether the guy himself still wants to live, apparently. From what I gather, she is fully sapient and has all the memories the deceased partner had, plus her own thoughts and feelings in the present, so she seems quite real to me, an individual person, even if the guy is focused on her not being his partner.
Something I liked about the writing is how you've characterised the main character. The feeling that she's "trying too hard" kind of feels evident in her narration.
The rhythm of these lines is really good. On a first read, without knowing the twist, it feels like this person is someone who is proud of her memory, perhaps also someone who treasures all her moments with her loved one. On a second read, it feels more like she is trying to hold on to the things that make her the person she's 'supposed' to be, the person she is replacing. Either way the shorter sentences and the repetition of "you remember" does make the voice seem kind of anxious to show how much they do indeed remember.
On the first read, I interpreted it as the partner being kind of a nerdy person, but on the second read it's clearly the voice of a computer program, made to provide a 'service'. It feels kind of sobering, since I genuinely interpreted it as a charming character quirk initially.
This line did kind of make me do a double-take, because it feels very salient to the character's personality somehow, and it doesn't really get explained in the rest of the scene. On a second look, it kind of makes me wonder: is this what the guy's partner actually thought at the time, or is it something the programme is doing because she thinks it'll make him like her? (Kind of like how she switches back and forth between ages as he pleases?)
Something to think about is the ending scene. Does it serve the story you want to tell to end on the "He" or the "You"? You can probably tell I'm reading it as though the story has one main character and it's "You". I think that might be because the "You" is the one undergoing a realisation - the realisation that even though she can't technically die, she has outlived her usefulness. If the man is also meant to be a main character, I feel like he might need more characterisation? All I know about him is that he misses his partner, and that him and the society he lives in don't seem to value the computer programmes as people (even though they are seemingly presented as such in the story). On the other hand, if the intent is to focus on the "You", I wonder if it would be more impactful to end with:
Overall, I like how you've basically written this story to be re-readable, so that the twist colours all the interactions that happen before the reveal. I definitely sympathised with the virtual partner and found a lot of value in trying to interpret her as a character. Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but I feel like there's an underlying theme of gender, or gendered roles even when the character's virtual-ness is the main theme of the story. If the man is just focusing on what he wants to experience now, maybe he's been like that longer than he's had this virtual companion, maybe even with his flesh-and-blood partner? A little beyond the scope of the story, but I feel like it's an association I've seen elsewhere, like in the question of why AI assistants in films are almost always depicted with feminine voices.
All the best, and keep writing!
-Lim
YAY a Lim review!!
Haha glad you found it again!
Yes!! Those are exactly the feelings I wanted a reader to have :')
I would be claiming too much credit if I said that was intentional xD but I'm glad it can be interpreted that way, as it definitely fits ^^
Ooh good point... I was thinking the last scene was kind of an epilogue, after the "You" is already gone. But I agree, I think it'd be more impactful to end on that line. I think I'm actually going to edit this and try a little reordering >.>
Hmm that wasn't intended (I imagine in this world, virtualizing one's loved ones is something commonly done, regardless of the gender of the virtualizer/virtualizee (let's pretend those are words lol)). But that is absolutely an interesting issue. And it's not just in films; I'm pretty sure Siri's default voice used to be female, though now it looks like you customize it on startup.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and suggestions!! Hope you have a wonderful day/night =D
I’m still looking for a short story to add to the awards, so I’ll be reading a few, even if they are out of the Green Room ^^
Already like the discussion on flowers. Especially that there’s something positive to say abt fake flowers.
I also like the world building you do. A lens makes me immediately think of an internal machine that’s sitting on the eye and projects what you want to see.
Oh and I like that the prompt to switch to a different day does come from he and that we are immediately in the new memory. It’s a bit odd bc the narrator chides the other old ppl earlier for only replaying memories, all in their lonesome… So I guess it’s good if MC and her partner of long years do it together?
“You've always thought it's stupid how guys are expected to pay for dates” Well if that isn’t a statement! I approve!
“He coughs up blood.“ Uh oh. Is the memory malfunctioning? Why is it only affecting him. @.@
… "You're not her." Is… is she the memory? Is she the AI with which the old ppl are interacting?
“She put a lot of herself in you” Oh no ☹
And this is such a nice “book closed” moment: “Even artificial flowers reach the end of their lives.” No wonder she was so permissive of the artificial flowers! Oh and now a lot of the other things make sense. How she wasn’t sure which age she is, how the memory consumed her to the point that she thought this was real. Or that she’s remembering all of it without help. Because she is the help. That is so good.
Oh no. Oh is this abt him being so old, he’s ready to move on and at least said goodbye to his memory machine AI wife replicant?
I really love the way you write. I like the worldbuilding you’ve done and how I immediately connected to your main character and even her husband/friend from long ago. I especially liked this characterization moment: “the smile that spreads across his face is just as infectious as it has ever been.”
Overall, I’m really happy I got to read this. Thank you for sharing!
Hey Tikaya, thanks for the lovely review!!
Ooh, interesting observation. That is pretty much the vibe I was going for!
>.> It's fun to be able to read your thoughts as you read through the story!
I'm happy to have shared it with you all! :3
Thanks again for the review!!
Isn't part of the fun for an author seeing when the readers realise certain twists? At least it is for me
It's what I try to replicate in the reviews :3
Glad you liked it!
hey there! :]
I didn't expect to review something today, but this little story spoke to me! The opening conversation about flowers feels almost throwaway at first--it's casual, philosophical, even a little playful without doing too much--but by the end, that exchange retroactively becomes the thematic spine of the story. I love when speculative fiction does that! It plants an idea early on that feels innocuous, then quietly proves it was the point *all* along. The line about flowers being a breakup gift is clever / really creative, but more importantly, I think it sets up your fixation on ephemerality in a way that feels very human.
One of the strongest aspects here is your handling of memory. The second-person POV works surprisingly well, especially given the subject matter. I'm not usually a fan ^^'' but I find it mirrors the artificiality of the Lens memories while also creating intimacy; it feels like the narrator is both inhabiting and being instructed by the experience. The contrast between your narrator’s near-perfect recall and the cultural norm of outsourced memory is chilling in a very understated way as well! You don’t overexplain it, which I appreciate. The offhand mention of friends watching constructed memories on their Lenses does a lot of heavy lifting without drawing attention to itself, especially considering how everything is just so *normal* (?) to them.
I did wish you explored the narrator’s internal suspicion a bit more. You mention, "You think you may have suspected it all along," which is a beautiful sentence, but I’d be curious what that suspicion felt like earlier. Was it dread, resignation? A quiet acceptance masquerading as love? I would've loved if you went more in depth on what the narrator feels / the truth behind their want of normalcy and the situation they find themselves in. I feel the same way about how relationships are approached; there’s something incredibly sad about the idea that the AI has done everything right, perfectly, and that still isn’t enough. Buuuut, it's never mentioned again in true way, so I can't form much of an opinion.
"Deaths" is doing heavy work, but it’s also a little on-the-nose given how subtle the rest of the story is? Your writing style excels at very specific warmth--wrinkles, couches, ratings, little glimpses of personality--but this line in particular stood out to me as *vague* instead.
This is gorgeous, by the way! I love how the narrative voice remains so neutral in tone, like they aren't even sure what to think / feel.
I hope this helps you; have a good one!
lee
Hey lee, thanks for the thoughtful review!! ^-^
Woah your description of my writing is more poetic than the writing itself XDD Anyways, I loved reading your insights!
Ooh good point; that line does seem unfounded now that I reread it.
<3
Thanks again for the great review!!
OMG SPEARMINT HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME.
1. THE FLOWER SYMBOLISM
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. By the end of it, I actually reread it again because AHHHH it hits differently and I clearly hate myself and want myself to hurt. It's so good but also WHY DO YOU HURT ME IN THE FEELS SO HARD.
2. The time jumping!
At first I was like, "Whattttt?" because time jumping? What in the speculative fiction is happening??? Like, the girl was like, "Of course this is fine and normal!" and I was like, "Lol, it really isn't." And the guy wasn't saying nothing. But at my rereading, I WAS DEVASTATED because you totally gave all the hints and I connected with this sweet sassy girl and yet...
3. THE REVEAL
I HATE YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS. I was really getting into this girl, and THEN YOU STABBED OUT MY HEART. And I am so torn because that's the last time "they" get together because now the man gets to be with his real girl in the afterlife, presumedly, but also like. I feel gutted nonetheless for this AI, and I blame you so much.
4. DID I MENTION THE #@%$#% FLOWERS???
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
*dies*
Anyway. It was excellent. I am emotionally gutted. Keep writing. XD
LOL I'm sorry but also I'm really not sorry XDD Thanks so much for the enthusiastic review, Snoink!!
PFFT "What in the speculative fiction is happening???" is such a great line =P
Every writer's ideal feedback xD Jokes aside, I'm really glad it made sense and you were able to infer all that!!
This review brought such a smile to my face :3 Thanks again!!