“So, now’s the part where I kill you.” The sorceress raised her arms in preparation for a lightning spell.
The knight yelped. “Hold up! Wait, wait, wait. You’re a villain, aren’t you?”
“Duh,” the sorceress said impatiently.
“So,” the knight said, “now is actually the part where you give a long monologue talking about how villainous you are and exactly how you plan to take over the world, giving me time to find the keys to this tower and escape. At least, that’s what all the stories tell me.”
The villainess snorted and stomped her foot in outrage. “Stupid books and movies! Do they really think any self-respecting evil person would be that foolish? You know, we evildoers read and watch tv too.”
The knight brightened. “Oh, really? What’s your favorite show? Mine is Shining Armor: A Tale of Modern Knights.”
“Hmm. I’m not really a fan of Shining Armor’s plot, but I have to say, the acting is decent...” Suddenly she stamped her foot again. “Oh, I see what you’re doing. ‘Distract the evil sorceress by talking about tv shows while crafting a nefarious plan to escape.’ That’s gotta be the oldest trick in the book.” She crossed her arms.
“Excuse me? Nefarious? You’re the nefarious one!” The knight pointed an accusing finger at the sorceress.
“Ah, you’re quite right.” The villainess raised her arms again. “Enough chit chat. Now’s the part where I incinerate you and take over the world! Mwah hah ha!”
“Wait, wait!” the knight cried desperately.
The sorceress ignored him and continued casting the spell. As she muttered arcane words, the sky around the tower darkened and flickers of lightning appeared. The villainess glanced at the knight, hoping to see him trembling in terror. To her utter shock, however, the knight just started... laughing?
It started out as a giggle, but quickly turned into a whole-hearted, stomach-clutching, rolling-around-on-the-floor kind of laugh. Surprised, the sorceress faltered in her spell-casting and the lightning dissipated.
With more than a little annoyance, she looked down at the knight. “What are you laughing for?”
The knight gasped for air, choking on his own laughter. When his face started to grow red, the sorceress became concerned. “Hey, no fair! You can’t die yet; I’m the one who’s supposed to kill you! Stop laughing this instant!”
The knight just laughed harder, turning purple now. He coughed and struggled to take a breath. Frowning, the sorceress muttered a few words and the knight found himself able to breathe again. He sat there wheezing, recovering from his intense giggling fit.
“Oh, thank you. I thought I was gonna die!”
The sorceress shrugged. “Well, I couldn’t have your laughter kill you before I did. Anyways, what was so funny?”
Apparently just thinking about it was enough to make the knight start giggling again. He controlled himself this time, though, and said, “When you started casting the spell, I suddenly thought about old Mr. Mustard.” The knight chuckled. “I was imagining the look on his face if he could see us now, and I could even hear his voice— ‘Now you two young’uns stop your squabbling!’ And he would scowl, which always made him look like an angry duck, remember?”
The sorceress’s lips twitched and— against all her best efforts— she cracked a small smile, as ephemeral as the lightning. Still, the knight beamed. “See? You haven’t changed so much since you decided to become evil. You still have a sense of humor.”
She immediately rearranged her face into a frown. “Hmph. Well, even evil people can laugh, you know.”
The knight shook his head. “I think they cackle instead.”
The sorceress shrugged. “Maybe. Well, now I’m feeling kind of bad about it, but I really do have to kill you.”
“Wait a second. You could have just let me choke to death on my own laughter. Why didn’t you?”
“Because I wanted to do it myself, of course!”
“Hmm.” The knight didn’t seem convinced. “All right then. Why do you have to kill me? You just said you feel bad about it.”
“Well, uh, because I’m evil. And... that’s what evil people do, right? Attack knights and do-gooders?”
The knight tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Perhaps... but that’s what other people do. What do you want to do?”
The sorceress stared at him for a minute. “Well...” She cleared her throat. “I- I guess... it’s been a while since anyone asked me that.”
“All right then. I’m asking you now. What do you want to do?”
“Um...” Suddenly the sorceress’s stomach grumbled, and she blushed. “It seems that evil spellcasting makes me quite hungry...”
The knight smiled good-naturedly. “Then it’s perfect that there’s a restaurant not too far from this tower! And they have a cook that makes the absolute best duck stew. Like, seriously— it’s just mmm.” He closed his eyes as if imagining the stew, and the sorceress stifled a laugh. The knight peeked an eye open and said, “Go on, don’t stop yourself from laughing.” He grinned. “I already know I’m an incredibly funny person. Not to mention athletic, intelligent—”
“—and none too humble,” the sorceress finished, eyebrows raised.
The knight shrugged. “Whaddya mean? I’m just that perfect.”
The sorceress snorted and grabbed his wrist. “Sure... But anyways, come on, my knight in rusted armor. Let’s go eat!”
“Hey! Rusted?” the knight protested as the sorceress unlocked the door and dragged him away. “Ah- ah wait up! The way you’re yanking my arm, it’s like you’re gonna kill me without even meaning to!”
As they climbed down the stairs, the sorceress chuckled and replied, “Consider it payback for ruining my evil plans.”
The knight pouted. “Well, you’re not still planning on killing me, are you?”
The sorceress smirked. “Only if you get too annoying.”
“Heh... that was a joke... right?”
“...I’m starving. What was that duck stew you were talking about?”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,742 Reviews
Hi @Spearmint
I really enjoyed reading this story, it's so funny and still so great. You did an awesome job here! This is really something new, that I've read. I mean wow!
I really really love this part:
"The sorceress snorted and grabbed his wrist. “Sure... But anyways, come on, my knight in rusted armor. Let’s go eat!”
“Hey! Rusted?” the knight protested as the sorceress unlocked the door and dragged him away. “Ah- ah wait up! The way you’re yanking my arm, it’s like you’re gonna kill me without even meaning to!” "
Instead of Knight in shining armor, you've put rusted. It's that little detail that changes everything. I love it so much, it's so like a fairytale and not at the same time. It's so great.
The fact that you used television and tv-series in the story makes it even more nice, I think. I'm glad I came by this story.
Your writing style is also a-ma-zi-nggg! It's well-written which makes it easy to read and I love that very much about your stories.
Keep up the amazing work! Have a magical day/night!
- Rinisha
Aww, thanks so much for the sweet comments, Rinisha! ^-^ Yeah, I was trying to put a spin on fairy tale tropes with this one. =P Glad you enjoyed it! <3 Let me know if you have any feedback, like if any parts felt awkward, or anything you%u2019re confused about as well!
Hello! This is Foxmaster!!!🦊
Well, this was a very interesting and original short story here!
Well, this is quite the beginning here. It's really comical how the knight expects a cliché but the Sorceress is all annoyed about it, but I'd show a flashback about what happened there and how the knight got in the tower.
Mwa ha ha ha ha? Sounds like the sorceress is taking what she said before back with that evil laugh...
Ohh, the knight is laughing now? Sounds like an unexpected twist, I wasn't expecting that.
Sounds like they knew each other before all the death-stuff... I'm confused. How did they meet? Why is the sorceress evil?
Why are you putting the whys and yous in those * thingamajiggers?
Overall: I liked this, but I had some questions. The characters were likeable, but I feel you needed to elaborate a bit more on the how did they get there and what happened before?
-Foxmaster
Hey Foxmaster, thanks for the review!! ^-^
Whoops, I was using those because the font I drafted this in didn't have italics... I'll fix that right away. xD
Hmm... this is a short story, so I felt like I should keep only the essentials... but perhaps I can expand on it! Thanks! <3
Hey, this is just my third review - and I'm incredibly happy to give this one to you. I read it and it was really fun.
When the knight and villains are MFAs in creative writing and can't shut up about clichés and literary technique, bizarrely pelting each other with purple prose.
Both the guy in shining armor and the woman wearing tightly fitting black clothes are nerds! This is fun! Evildoers are also consumers of media, this tells me, which is both fun and a bit dark as well. And yes, distracting a person about their interests is a trick, gal.
The girl: ignores a popular trope
Also the girl: enacts another popular trope.
This one hits funnier. The thing that somebody randomly has this spark of humor inside their head just makes it funnier. And the Mr. Mustard scenario - gal, that's another trick knights and other goody-two-shoes do, if you've read or watched stuff.
And that is so funny! I mean, the cartoonish I'll-take-over-the-world character is done brilliantly here. She is funny, she's mean, she's basically Cruella but she doesn't skin dogs alive. And, she is redeemable! I think she's the standout character, here.
That is brilliant! I mean, this is funny and I do get that the knight isn't the gentleman he is, but just a good-sider. Also, The gal. OMG is she funny. And, on another note, this story is extremely hunger-inducing.
This is funny, nerdy and just something that vibes with me and relates with me excellently. Spearmint, from your work on the Totally Not Evil Bakesale (TM) franchise and this, you're the funniest guy I've encountered in my few days here.
Hiya, thanks for the review!! ^-^ And a slightly belated welcome to YWS~ I hope you like it here!!
XDD yes
Ah yay, I'm glad you thought it was funny!! Honestly that makes me so happy ^^ Thanks again, and have a fantastic day/night!! =D
Yay! Hey and thanks!
Hi Spearmint!
I really liked this one and it was really funny. The writing was also fluid and easy to understand.
[quote]
“So,” the knight said, “now is actually the part where you give a long monologue talking about how villainous you are and exactly how you plan to take over the world, giving me time to find the keys to this tower and escape. At least, that’s what all the stories tell me.”
[\quote]
I also like the knight's simplicity and how he just goes on and reveals his plan to escape.
[quote]
“When you started casting the spell, I suddenly thought about old Mr. Mustard.” The knight chuckled. “I was imagining the look on his face if he could see us now, and I could even hear his voice— ‘Now you two young’uns stop your squabbling!’ And he would scowl, which always made him look like an angry duck, remember?”
[\quote]
This line shows that they both had some history together and knew someone named Mr. Mustard. I would really like to know more about Mr. Mustard. (If you ever continue the story)
[quote]
And he would scowl, which always made him look like an angry duck, remember?
[\quote]
Maybe since he looked so much like an angry duck, the restaurant made duck stew out of him?
So in summary, the story was very funny and I really liked it.
Hope this helped you
Rohit
Hi Rohit!! Thanks for the review, and a belated welcome to YWS-- I hope you enjoy it here! ^-^
Ooh and just a quick tip: the code for quoting uses the forward slash (/) instead of the backwards one (\), like this:
- Code: Select all
Hope that helps! C: This list of codes also helped me a ton when I was new: The Big Book of YWS Codes[quote](quote here)[/quote]Ahaha yes, the knight isn't the brightest bulb in the building xD
0.0 XD perhaps... poor Mr. Mustard XDD
Anyways, I'm so glad you enjoyed the story! Thanks again for the review, and have a fantastic day/night!! =D
Hey there, I just wanted to share a few thoughts.
).
I love how your story jumps straight into the scene at hand, which helps solidify the characters. I'm definitely getting Shrek vibes from your story with the humor and satire you integrate. The dialogue between the knight and the sorceress is also very entertaining and your dialogue flows very well.
"Still, the knight beamed. 'See? You haven’t changed so much since you decided to become evil. You still have a sense of humor.'" (This line shows there is a history between the characters, which I really like and you executed it in a way that wasn't superfluous, but just enough to be intriguing). I would love to know more about her story and his (in case you ever decide to expand this story
I really enjoyed it. Great job!
Poetry Misfit
Thank you so much!! =DDD
Ahh yay! The way you wrote that makes my writing seem so thoughtful XD I'm super glad you enjoyed that part!! ^-^
Thank you again; have a wonderful day/night!! <333
You're welcome. Have a wonderful day/night too
Ooh wow that was good.
And funny. I love it!
This was really cute!! It had very good pacing, and it was very creative!! You're great at comedy writing .
Ah thank you; it makes me so happy you said that!! ^-^ Have a great day/night!!
Hello!
I love this! So self-aware and the story does not take itself too seriously. This reminds me of Undertale (pacifist route, of course), it has the same friendliness energy. I hope that the sorceress and the knight become very good friends after they share the meal of duck stew together. I like the vocabulary you utilized as well - it makes the actions of the characters clear.
My only critique is that, when writing, one does not always have to tag what each character is saying. Most of the time, that is a stylistic approach and it works here! It is just something to think about if you ever decided to continue this story (which I would love to see!).
Good work!
LCP ✻
Hi LCP!!
Ooh "friendliness energy" is such an awesome description!! =D And neat, I didn't even realize I was tagging so much XD Thanks for pointing it out, and I hope you have a wonderful day/night!!
Aaah!! This was so cute!! I love this story. So well written, such a new plot, characters that were lively despite it being a short story... gah this was so well done!
Aww thank you so much, Plume!!! ^-^ It means a lot to me, especially coming from you, such a talented poet and writer!! =DD
Hi Spearmint,
Mailice here with a quick review!
You wrote a wonderful, funny and endearing story. It was worth reading from beginning to end and had a very humorous and witty undertone. I liked reading it a lot.
Some points that stood out to me while reading:
That's a great description you've managed here. The idea of inserting some kind of intensification into the words to show the laughter was a very effective way of writing.
That the sorceress managed to say that with a straight face amazes me
This is also a great description you managed to pull off.
I like the characters. You've portrayed them as serious yet funny. You can tell the knight and the sorceress apart and I like how they get more and more distracted from the actual plan during the conversation.
I also really like how you try to insert synonyms to not always describe the sorceress like that, but also to portray her differently. In general, I think the whole dialogue could be compressed into a few words, but by always paraphrasing it, a new kind of humour develops. You put a lot of effort into bringing the humour to the fore.
I also think it's interesting and well chosen that you combine a typical fairy tale motif with modernity, and it also feels really good to read. It's not some kind of anachronism for me, but it feels comprehensible.
One point I think could have been added would be the connection between Mr Mustard, who the knight describes as an "angry duck" and the subsequent "duck stew". At the beginning I really thought they were going to turn him into a duck and make a duck stew out of him.
I think the point of the story was to make the reader smile, which you managed to do. But this one sentence here also made me think a little further:
It could be a subliminal message to the reader that they have to find their own way, just like the sorceress and the knight did at the end of the story.
Grammatically I can't criticise anything, I didn't find anything that seemed odd or incorrect. You demonstrated a fluid writing style and I also liked the structure you put in with the paragraphs.
In summary, it was a really great short story with a funny ending.
Have fun writing it!
Mailice.
Thanks for the review, Mailice!! ^-^
Awesome!! Yeah, I was a bit worried that the fantasy/modern combo might be a little jarring or not make sense, but I'm glad it worked out all right! :D
Oh my gosh XDD That would be a truly evil plan
Truthfully, the duck stew part was because it was the first food item that popped into my head haha but I really like your suggestion about having a short joke to connect the hunger and the duck!
Thank you again for the review; it's incredible how you always manage to make writers feel good about their writing while still providing helpful feedback!! Stay awesome and I hope you have a fantastic day/night!! =DDD
Ooh wow that was good.
And funny. I love it!
Yay thanks! :DD