Rescuing Teddy

by SoundsOfSilence

Published June 26, 2014

E - Everyone

In Short Stories

Frozen. That was the word he would use to describe how he felt, the only one that came to mind anyway.

A few hours ago, he had broken a rule and his parents took his teddy away from him. They were asleep now. Deciding that he had to save his teddy, knowing she would be lonely without him, he went looking for her. Much to his surprise sneaking out of his room was easier than he thought it would be. His parents would sleep through anything as far as he was concerned, even an elephant stampede.

His courage has depleted completely once he came here to this place.

No matter where he looked, he was greeted with darkness, the stale, cold air sinking into his skin. There was only one window, and what light shone in through it was only just enough to see. The cold walls of the area seemed to close in on him. To someone who suffered from claustrophobia, it was suffocating, his heart thumped loudly in his chest, drowning out all sounds around him. It made him feel like he was surrounded by nothing but silence as he stood here. Locked in some box where someone threw away the key, or perhaps dangling it in front of him to taunt him. As for the smell, he was not sure how to describe it. Stinky seemed to work out just fine, though, so he just went with that. Funny came to mind but his teacher had taught him something better the other day. In his state of mind, the word eluded his thoughts.

Finally, he took a step forward. He managed a few steps before stopping dead in his tracks again. There were eerie sounds echoing around the walls: a loud roar reminiscent of a machine starting up. It had given him quite the scare, but he was determined to push on. He needed to find his toy. When he closed his eyes really tight, he could have sworn he heard teddy calling out to him. In the back of his mind, he found it comforting knowing someone was rooting him on, encouraging him to move forward. He wanted to turn back. He really did, but he knew that turning back was not an option and had to keep moving. She would die down here! His precious teddy, who he has known since his birthday, was the only one who understood him. It would be like letting his best friend down if he turned back.

He had to keep going, he just had to.

Making his way through the darkness yet again, his steps were careful. There were things lurking in the dark. He could see eyes upon him, their gazes mocking. He started to hum to himself quietly. It was some song he had learned in church, but the Lord being his Shepherd and that he should not be afraid. He didn’t really know what it meant very well but he did feel safer whenever he thought of this ‘God’ guy. Though he has never met him personally, much like Santa, he knew that he was always watching him. All of his life, he was always comforted by the fact that there were people watching him from a place he only visited in his dreams. Teddy was always there with him as one of those comforts. She was just as much as guardian angel as Santa and God. He needed to rescue her; it was time for him to be the guardian.

He was a prince saving his princess, just like in the cartoons and movies his grandmother always bought him. He was not afraid. He was a brave knight. Nobody could stand up to him! Whenever something caught the corner of his eye, he shone his light upon it.

What looked to be a giant monster he had been so worried about was actually a pile of boxes. He sighed in relief and continued his way along the narrow path. Teddy was in the back… and to get there he had to climb over the boxes. He was little so he knew that they would hold his weight. They had to, right? Slow and steady, he continuously told himself, slow and steady, until his foot caught on something. There was a loud hiss and a small, shadowy figure leaped out, away from him, and several boxes tumbled off the pile. He was taken with them. Lying sprawled on his back, he looked at the darkness above. All was quiet after that, except another noise similar to the one he had heard earlier. He stayed on the ground for a moment in case his parents heard the commotion and came to investigate.

Part of him had expected to see his father with his pistol. But nothing happened. After he slowly sat up, he looked around for his flashlight. Once he located it he made his way around the now messed up pile. Teddy was on a ledge. Taking her in his arms, he smiled, shaking slightly. A tear trickled down his face as he whispered apologies in her ear. But the reunion was not as sweet as he had hoped. There was an even louder sound now. It was coming from the ceiling! Wrapping his arms around his dear teddy, he made a dash for it. He had to leave his flashlight behind, however he was confident teddy would protect him.

There were terrifying and dark things trying to block his way. All of them seemed to make odd shapes that were difficult to make out. Fangs, claws, demon horns, wings, it was all there and he knew he had to get out before he was killed. Or worst. Something had jumped out in front of him, and he smacked right into it. Followed by another loud sound; the sounds seemed to be getting louder now. He had to hurry. At one point he had almost lost teddy because of these demons in the darkness. Thank God he was holding onto her, the only way he would lose teddy would be if someone pried her out of his arms. There was no way he was going to let that happen, but he still considered it. No matter where he turned, everything looked the same.

It was too late to go looking for his flashlight. The creatures in the dark have swallowed it; it would be gone even if he did manage to find his way back. He did regret not taking it. But teddy was the most important thing in his life, and he had accomplished his goal. That was all that mattered to him.

Something had tripped him. In his mad dash, he had let his guard down. As soon as he hit the ground, whatever had tripped him had decided to jump on his back. He screamed as loud as he could. Around that time, the light came on and he was scooped up into his father’s arms. Tears were streaming down his face. Even though he knew his father was displeased with him, he wrapped his arms around him and buried his face in his shoulder.

“It’s alright” His father’s strong voice sounded soothing. But that softness in his tone faded immediately, and he became the stern parent he was use to seeing whenever he did something wrong. “Now, this is why you shouldn’t go into the basement. What if you got hurt and I wasn’t around?”

“S-sorry, daddy. I…”

“It’s alright,” his father repeated. “Daddy’s here now. Let’s just get you back upstairs.”

Comments & reviews · 5
User avatar
Rin321
Review
Rin321 wrote a review Review · Dec 13, 2014

I think that this is a cute story! The little boy sounds like a little hero! It is funny to think about it. I like the persistence in this boy's mine, shown in this paragraph:

"Finally, he took a step forward. He managed a few steps before stopping dead in his tracks again. There were eerie sounds echoing around the walls: a loud roar reminiscent of a machine starting up. It had given him quite the scare, but he was determined to push on. He needed to find his toy. When he closed his eyes really tight, he could have sworn he heard teddy calling out to him. In the back of his mind, he found it comforting knowing someone was rooting him on, encouraging him to move forward. He wanted to turn back. He really did, but he knew that turning back was not an option and had to keep moving. She would die down here! His precious teddy, who he has known since his birthday, was the only one who understood him. It would be like letting his best friend down if he turned back."
That is what I call detection to a teddy bear! Great job! Also, the description was great too, as shown in this paragraph:

No matter where he looked, he was greeted with darkness, the stale, cold air sinking into his skin. There was only one window, and what light shone in through it was only just enough to see. The cold walls of the area seemed to close in on him. To someone who suffered from claustrophobia, it was suffocating, his heart thumped loudly in his chest, drowning out all sounds around him. It made him feel like he was surrounded by nothing but silence as he stood here. Locked in some box where someone threw away the key, or perhaps dangling it in front of him to taunt him. As for the smell, he was not sure how to describe it. Stinky seemed to work out just fine, though, so he just went with that. Funny came to mind but his teacher had taught him something better the other day. In his state of mind, the word eluded his thoughts.

Overall great job! Keep writing!

ScarletDreams14 wrote a review Review · Jun 28, 2014

How cute! The character itself is enough to make me love the story. How he sacrificed his safety to rescue his 'friend' is absolutely adorable. You have earned yourself a like and a follow.
The descriptive language used in this was also impressive, the creativity and imagination used in this was brilliant. I envy stories like this, short but brilliant and grappling. It reminds me of the bond I had with my stuffed animals particularly one fuzzy antique stuffed rabbit named bunny.
I really liked this and I say you've earned yourself that like!

Sincerely, ScarletDreams14

Writer, Artist, Student and Reader

Markontheworld wrote a review Review · Jun 26, 2014

Awwwwww! So flubbing adorable! l 3 I only wish I knew the kids name so I could root him on myself. Since I don't know what it is I'm dubbing him Tommy, from "The Rugrats." Man this was a really great story. I could picture it so vividly! Tommy trying to fight off the monsters in the dark for his "one true love" Teddy. Oh man can't wait to read more of your stuff! =^_^=

It's funny you say that, 'cause The Rugrats and their adventures were actually part of what had inspired this. :)

Glad you enjoyed it!

User avatar
Shiksha
Review
Shiksha wrote a review Review · Jun 26, 2014

This is a very simple yet a very moving piece of work. The love that the child had for the teddy was what actually defines it through this story. You worked very well with the imagination of the child. It seemed convincing. Only if you could have written this work in first person, it would have got enhanced more. But anyway, that's just an opinion. Here are some things that i absolutely loved:

1. "His courage has depleted completely once he came here to this place"

i really liked this particular line because it the only line in the paragraph. So it has its own effect.

2. "No matter where he looked, he was greeted with darkness, the stale, cold air sinking into his skin. There was only one window, and what light shone in through it was only just enough to see. The cold walls of the area seemed to close in on him. To someone who suffered from claustrophobia, it was suffocating, his heart thumped loudly in his chest, drowning out all sounds around him. It made him feel like he was surrounded by nothing but silence as he stood here. Locked in some box where someone threw away the key, or perhaps dangling it in front of him to taunt him. As for the smell, he was not sure how to describe it. Stinky seemed to work out just fine, though, so he just went with that. Funny came to mind but his teacher had taught him something better the other day. In his state of mind, the word eluded his thoughts."

I liked the way you described every little detail before the next move of the child. It just makes the story very interesting and gripping.

3. "He needed to rescue her; it was time for him to be the guardian."

AMAZING LINE! TOOK MY BREATH AWAY!

Here are something which i thought could have been better.

1. I've already mentioned about the first person thing.

2. "He needed to find his toy."

i think it would have been better if you would have written 'toy' as 'teddy' only. Toy just makes it sound too real.

3. I think in the end the child should have been safe in his room. Safe, but scared. That's how I imagined the ending. I didn't really like the entry of the father but hey, that's just an opinion!

Overall, i think you're story is a treat to my eyes and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It took me time to find the errors. And there were no grammatical mistakes. So way to go! I loved it!

Keep writing!

Cheers!

Shiksha! :)

Thank you!

I had originally thought of putting it in first person, but I wasn't sure how well I'd have been able to pull it off. Perhaps I'll have to actually give it a shot in the future instead of getting cold feet so to speak.

Nonetheless, I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)

User avatar
Renard
Review
Renard wrote a review Review · Jun 26, 2014

Hello.
So this work is really creepy.
I would categorize it in the horror genre I think, based on the ending:

“It’s alright,” his father repeated. “Daddy’s here now. Let’s just get you back upstairs.”


Hmm. His dad sounds like the villain of the piece, not the creature lurking in the basement.

Something had tripped him. In his mad dash, he had let his guard down. As soon as he hit the ground, whatever had tripped him had decided to jump on his back. He screamed as loud as he could. Around that time, the light came on and he was scooped up into his father’s arms. Tears were streaming down his face. Even though he knew his father was displeased with him, he wrapped his arms around him and buried his face in his shoulder.


You do use big chunks of description in here quite a lot. Not necessarily a problem, just quite long. :)

Keep writing, this was a nice read. :D

~R

And the category has been edited (now that I've figured out how to do it lol) :) Thanks for pointing that out, I swear I had added it when I had initially submitted.

Anyway, thank you. Breaking down, or at least narrowing down, big chunks is something I'm trying to work on more. Glad it worked out for this particular piece, though.

It was just one of those things that felt right, if you know what I mean haha

Renard replied · Jun 26, 2014

I do know what you mean. :D



“Rise like Lions after slumber In unvanquishable number. Shake your chains to earth like dew Which in sleep had fallen on you— Ye are many—they are few.”
— Mary Shelly