To look into your eyes
And fall for you.
To watch you laugh
While letting my guard down.
To listen to your lullaby
And let it replay all over again.
I LOVE this poem, a lot. Its short and sweet. In fact i think i would like it less if it was any longer because though it's only three stanzas long, it has so much depth and meaning that makes it wonderful.It basically tells us the three stages of falling for someone as a teenager.
Hey there, Snoweary! I think this is adorable; it's simple and brief, so there's not much to pick at here. For the most part, it flows well until it gets towards the end, and then what you mean becomes quite muddled. In the line "To listen to your lullaby/and let it replay all over again" I can infer that you mean you're letting the entire process of falling in love with him/her happen all over again, but it's not clear. You could mean letting the lullaby replay again, so I would just suggest clarifying that. Keep writing. June
hello there! well to start with i liked how you would start each line eventhough its just a simple small poem i though it was really cute and interesting, something that i could relate to. The title can really relate to the content of the poem thats what i like the most but other than that i thought it was short and simple but good.
Its very simple.... says about the betrayal we go through... Ur execution is very nice... I like the way u have shown it, straight to the point. I didn't see any exaggeration though it would have given it some spiciness.. keeping it simple is good but very simple will make it is an dialogue rather a poem but this has something that makes it pure and accepting. I totally loved it..... Keep posting... Looking forward to your next work.
I love this one! The title interested me so I clicked on your poem. I love how you wrote this one. It really spoke to me and I can totally relate to it. Its brilliant and keep posting! xxxxx, Claire
I like the repetition. I like the simplicity of it. I do think it relates to many teens and their love. When you are a teenager and some one tells you they love you, you kind of soak it up like a sponge. That's what I got from the poem. It was sweetly romantic, and innocent. It wasn't child-like, but at the same time it held onto the innocent of young love. Very good.
A lovely poem but whats been said is what I was going to bring up, any way nice poem to convey teen love. The last part really brought me in.
First of all, I think this is a great, but I do agree with recycledsoul that the "silly me" part is a little repetitive. Maybe instead of "silly me" for every line, maybe-- something different? I don't know, that concept is there, but it feels like something is different is necessary.My favorite part was this, though: Silly me; To listen to your lullaby And let it replay all over again.Anyways, I thought this poem really conveyed your message as what a teenager may feel and I hope that I see more of your poems in the future!
This is short, this is somewhat repetitive, and this is not at all complex. While it's not necessary to crowd your poems with words and imagery, I think this poem certainly needed that. While every other readers seem to like your idea of using "silly me " ,I don't, to be honest. I guess it's only me who finds it a bit cliched. Am I being too harsh with the review? I am sorry, I do not mean to. I am just listing out what I did not like about your work. While I am at it I would also like to point out that I find the last line of the third stanza a bit stretched. It's just something I felt while reading. Doing that to the very last line is kind of okay but in the middle of the poem it just hinders the flow. All in all, I just feel I have read too many teenage love poems and this one did nothing to stand out from them except for the last stanza. If it had been a poem about any other topic, I think if could have gotten away with being straight forward but it's about ever so popular teenage love. I would advise you to make it a bit different, yeah? Keep working. Cheers.
Heyyya, its Winter here!c:Firstly, "Silly me;"I just love that, I feel its really putting the emotion, that teens have, across. Its make this poem run smooth, which is a very good thing. Your word choices are very good. Maybe putting in more a few more verses would be a good idea, to elongate this piece. But, I'm glad its like this. I really enjoy short poems, they are earlier for me to follow."To listen to your lullabyAnd let it replay all over again."This part really got me, I love hoe much it relates to teens around the world.This is just beautiful. Please keep up your great writing!~Winter
I like repetitive poetry and your first line 'silly me;' is perfect.
Hello,I'd like to start off by saying that the repetition of "Silly me" is a great way to suck the reader in. Repetitions in poems are surely something to follow, in my opinion. I also like the flow; the word choices are excellent, you don't stumble or stutter while reading, which is definitely a plus.However, I would like to see more stanzas; this seems short, and I believe that adding a few more verses/stanzas etc would add to this. The last stanza feels cut off, like there should be more following it.Other than that, I like this. Keep up the good work.~Kat.
I like your topic because it's the type of thing that plagues people our age - I also being a teenager.I like the repetition of "Silly me" it really get's the point across that teenage love is foolish. I enjoy how each stanza is a building block of the relationship and the last one being inevitably the downfall and re-up of the whole "building process". However, I do have a quarrel with one particular piece of diction: lullaby. I'm not sure how it fits in. I know it's necessary for your next line's metaphor, so I was just curious as to why use that word - for some reason it sticks out. I came to the conclusion that the lullaby is the comforting intimate song of a true romance. It's so tender that one falls to sleep to it. I'd like to hear your thoughts on it.
I will attempt to leave you will a good review, my dear Snoweary.Things I liked about this poem:1. The continuous use of 'Silly me' sets the mood. Keeps the reader going with the flow and in the atmosphere of regret/love.2. The second and third verses of each stanza, the use of point-A and point-B. I did this, then that happened also brings some slight suspense into this small poem which was a good thing. Kept me wondering where you would be going with this.3. Good punctuation.Things I would like to improve:1. Well, firstly, I'm no fan of simple worded poems only because they lack the emotions that I find is essential to have in a piece. I think if you either added more stanza's or more verses to each stanza, it would have floated my boat a little steadier. That's just my opinion.2. The first stanza seems to fit for me, but if you look at it structure-wise, it seems to not agree with the second and third; take syllable count for explain. The last line of the first stanza: "All far for you." Is somehow far too short.3. The word-choice of 'while' in the second stanza stands out here, only because it also does not match with the rest of the poem's wording. Unless of course that was intentional and I am completely wrong. Correct me if I'm wrong.Overall:I like it. It's short, simple, and packed with memories. It could just be me, but this gave me flashbacks of my own little Twilight love story. Although if this my own writing I would have scratched 'Silly me' and plugged in a 'Why me?" xD Keep writing. I see potential that would one day shock the world!
Hello again Snoweary, I like this poem, it's very relateable to many people, so let's begin reviewing.1. For the last stanza on the last line instead of using the word And as you did in the first stanza you could instad use the word then so that the reader dosen't got bored with the repetition.2. On all your stanzas, it appears that the second line begins the sentence ended in the first line, but you capatalize the second line also which is a bit confusing.Overall I absolutely love this poem and, these are only little mistakes. Really please Continue writing.
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