Lost

by Snoweary

Published May 12, 2013

E - Everyone

In Poem


In the midst of Sunday,
The path I walked carpeted
All in faded colors,
I stopped.
 
It was never the same
That feeling;
Emptiness,
Lost.
 
Have I sinned, God?
No, it supposed to go like this;
Forgive me God for I have sinned.
And the tears rolled upon my cheek.
 
 
 
Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
speakerskat
Review
speakerskat wrote a review Review · May 22, 2013

Nice, it was simple,sweet, and to the point. I loved how you used carpet in this poem. I don't know, I found that really unique for some reason... I would have NEVER thought of that so nice touch there. YOUR PUNCTUATION IS EPIC ! I joke saying I'm the punctuation poliece (just kidding) but I don't even know how to use this thingy ; ? 0_0 the dreaded thing I can not spell correctly ; but it looks professional. Anyhow I just wanna say awesome job!

Keep it up!
~Speakerskat

User avatar
roxyask
Review
roxyask wrote a review Review · May 12, 2013

Hi there Snoweary, Roxy here! :)

I think that it is a lovely poem, i am not a big God believer myself, but I can still appreciate the feeling and emotion of this poem! :)

i think that the poem seems a little choppy, especially in the first two verses, maybe change it up a little to give it a smoother read? :)

I like the idea of using a line from a prayer in the poem, i think that you in corprated it nicely!

i can see that any errors have already been gone through, so I wont go through them again!

Keep up the good work! :)

KatheryneAlyxandera wrote a review Review · May 12, 2013

Hello,
I like this, however there are a few things I would change. :P
"The path I walked carpeted
All in faded colors,
I stopped."
That, to me, seems a little choppy and doesn't flow correctly. I like the idea, but perhaps in a different wording? It definitely gave me visuals, which is a great thing for any author to produce from their poems. Second, "No, it supposed to go like this"; just a simple grammatical error. It should be,"No, it's supposed to go like this" or, "No, it is supposed to go like this".
Other than that, I love the concept of this poem. Very original, and very beautiful writing.
Keep up the good work. :)
~Kat.

You, just made me happy! Thanks for the comment. Yeah, sometimes my poem flow in awkward way haha. :)

User avatar
catcha01
Review
catcha01 wrote a review Review · May 12, 2013

Hi Snoweary I am here to review your poem my friend. So lets get started, It's a pretty good poem and it really is interesting.

1. When I read it the first time I didn't get it, but after reading it again, I have come to the coclusin that its about someone who lost their way of life. Correct me if I'm wrong.

2. It could flow a little better, so that it's a bit easier to read

Besides that it's a very good and interesting piece of poetry. Glad I could read it. Keep writing.

Hi catcha. ^_^ Yes,it is about a person who has lost his way in life but at one time, he realized it and repent.
Thank you for your review :)



More than anything she wanted the world to be uncomplicated, for right and wrong to be as easily divided as the black and white sections of an Oreo. But the world was not a cookie.
— Roshani Chokshi, Aru Shah and the Tree of Wishes