Cover art for 4. The First Class (Conqueror Rising)

4. The First Class (Conqueror Rising)

by Snoink

Published February 13, 2026

12+

In Conqueror Rising

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The walls were bare.

That was the first thing that Solea noticed when she walked into Madam Burl’s former classroom. The common phrase charts and diagrams showing proper lip positions for vowels were gone. Even the painting of a White Swan holding a gleaming soul in its beak had been torn down. The only things left were the giant slateboards and Madam Burl’s massive oak desk, stripped bare of its usual clutter.

Solea drew her mother’s old cloak around her tighter, feeling self-conscious. “Are we in the right place?”

“We must be,” Alainna said, nodding to the back of the classroom. “Look who’s here.”

Solea flinched at the sight of Sergius lounging in Madam Burl’s former chair. When he saw the girls, he stood up briefly and gave a curt bow. “I am told that I owe you an apology. So here it is: sorry.”

“Horrid Swan,” Alainna muttered under her breath, glaring around the classroom.

Solea watched nervously as the classroom filled, wondering what the Conqueror looked like. Then, just when she couldn’t bear the suspense anymore, the door burst open.

The class full of girls shrieked.

“Look! It’s a boy!”

And it was! He bounced in, his leather satchel bulging with papers that threatened to flutter out, while Archondid, in his Black Swan, waddled beside him.

Solea blinked at his appearance. He was not handsome. His nose looked like it had been broken several times, his hair was dirty brown, and his brilliant blue eyes were cross-eyed. Although he was older than any of the girls, it was only by a couple of years, at most, and his face was still red and blotchy. Still, he moved so quickly that his crooked face and messy brown hair could easily be forgiven from his sheer energy.

When he saw the class, his face lit up. He threw down his satchel and gave the girls a sweeping bow. In perfect Diamean, he said, “Hello, students! My name is Cyrus, and I am your new teacher!” Then, in a soft foreign accent, he repeated his greeting, first in their language, then again in Diamean, bowing each time he spoke.

The girls cheered.

Cyrus looked over the room, grinning. “Where is the Lady?”

Alainna sank into her seat, her eyes wide.

The girls laughed and pointed at Alainna. “There she is!”

Cyrus beamed at Alainna and gave her a sweeping bow. “Hail Lady! Thank you for letting me serve you.”

With a sullen expression, Alainna stood up and nodded before plopping back into her seat wordlessly.

“You’ve stunned the Lady into silence!” a girl said, laughing. She stood up and curtsied. “My name is Clarise.”

Cyrus grinned and bowed back. “It is good to meet you, Clarise!” he said in both languages.

He snatched a handful of papers from his satchel and waved them over his head. “My lesson plan! Today is for introductions! I suppose I should start, seeing as I am your teacher. However, now that I see all your lovely faces, I confess I’m much more interested in you. So, I shall be quick!

“One of the most sacred traditions of the Swans is the exchanging of stories. To share your story is to allow your heart to take flight and become part of something greater and share in the legacy of Diamea. Thus, my goal as your teacher is to help you find your voice so you can share in that legacy.” He bowed and repeated himself in both languages.

“What legacy do you share with Diamea?” Alainna asked loudly after he finished.

The girls around Alainna glared at her.

But if Cyrus had heard Alainna, he paid her no notice. “We do not have enough time to share our full stories. However, I made a personalized list of questions for each girl that should help you share at least part of your story. When you first answer your question, I would like you to speak in Diamean as best as you can. Please don’t worry about making mistakes! Next, I would like you to use your own language and answer the question. Finally, I would like you to repeat your answer in Diamean, though this time I will help you find the words. Again, please don’t be embarrassed! It is my honor to help you find your voice.”

That’s why he kept repeating himself, Solea realized, feeling silly. She had assumed any teacher Sergius picked would be just as awful as Madam Burl, if not worse. But Cyrus actually seemed competent.

His words about Diamea also made her hesitate. Had Solea not spoken to Archondid beforehand, she wouldn’t have guessed Cyrus might be a Conqueror. He was too young! He spoke of Diamea with too much reverence! He even sought out and bowed to the Lady. Surely a Conqueror would not treat the Lady with such respect.

Still, when she glanced at Archondid, standing quietly in the corner with his feathers raised, she couldn’t help but wonder.

“I shall start by sharing three things about myself,” Cyrus said, pacing in front. “First, has anybody here gone ice fishing?” He repeated himself and waited expectantly.

Solea looked around the quiet classroom, embarrassed, then raised her hand.

Cyrus beamed when he saw her. “Wonderful! I hoped someone had. What is your name?”

Before he repeated himself, she said, “Solea.”

“Solea?” Cyrus’s face lit up. “You’re the Lady’s handmaid! In fact, I interviewed with your father. When we talked, he told me he had raised you as a child in a tiny mountain village before moving out to the city. Did he take you ice fishing?”

Solea flushed at the mention of her father, embarrassed that she didn’t know whether he was referring to Uclepidies or Theron. “Yes, he took me ice fishing.”

Cyrus grinned. “I thought so! Though I must admit, I’m a little surprised. He never struck me as the sort who would go ice fishing.” He nodded, adding, “By the way, it is a pleasure to hear your voice.”

Still smiling, Cyrus faced the rest of the class. “Anyway, once when I was eight while I was ice fishing, the ice cracked and I fell through. Fortunately, I survived! Unfortunately, I lost the hearing in my left ear. So, if you sit on my left side and call me, I might not hear you. I apologize in advance!”

Solea looked at her sister; Alainna was sitting on his left. Which meant Cyrus likely never heard Alainna’s sarcastic remark.

“To make matters worse for you ladies, my left eye isn’t very good either,” Cyrus said. “Has anyone ever played Dodge the Rock?”

Cyrus paused again, but the room remained silent.

“Dodge the Rock is a game where you throw rocks at each other and dodge the ones thrown at you,” Cyrus said when no one raised their hand. “Usually it’s fun. However, once someone hit my left eye, and it never healed right. So if you’re on my left, I apologize! I will try to scan the classroom often so I don’t miss any questions, but please don’t take it personally if I seem to ignore you! The slight is completely unintentional.”

Solea again glanced at his face and realized why Cyrus seemed cross-eyed. While his right eye tracked energetically around the room, his left eye stayed oddly still.

“Finally, I am a foreigner,” Cyrus said. “I’ve lived in your nation for about five weeks so far. While I know a little of your language, I am frustratingly slow at reading or writing, and so I will need your patience in those matters.”

“Wait,” Alainna said. “You’ve only lived here for five weeks, and you’ve already learned our language?”

Cyrus glanced over to his left, frowning. “Did somebody speak?”

“You can switch back and forth between our language and Diamean effortlessly, and you’ve only been here for five weeks?” Alainna said again, this time louder. “Isn’t that impossible?”

Cyrus bowed. “My Lady, with a lot of hard work and very little sleep, miracles can sometimes happen.”

He turned his attention to the rest of the class and smiled. “Now, for your stories! Let’s start with the girls on my left so they don’t feel neglected!” He turned to Clarise, who sat in the front corner. “Clarise, isn’t it? What a beautiful name! Your father works in paper manufacturing, if I remember correctly. When I interviewed with the headmistress, she told me you helped develop a perfumed paper that is now one of his bestselling products. Can you tell me more?”

Clarise blushed happily and began to speak.

From Cyrus’s gentle questions, Solea learned more about her classmates than she had from living with them for years. Girls who had never spoken voluntarily suddenly found their voices, and the classroom buzzed with energy.

Even Solea grew excited, though she worried about what he might ask her. The last thing she wanted to talk about was her acting as a handmaid to her sister. And if he asked her about Uclepidies…

Still, since her seat was toward the far right of the classroom, she decided not to worry. Instead, she listened to her classmates, marveling at how skillfully Cyrus led them through the language.

Then, just as it was Alainna’s turn, Cyrus smiled warmly at Solea. “We shall hear the Lady shortly, but first, let’s give her handmaid a chance to shine!” He waved a paper over his head. “I made this list of prompts for you! However, the question that comes to me now is unscripted: what is the story behind your interesting cloak?”

Solea suddenly blushed, remembering the dirty cloak she wore, and sank in her seat. Around her, she could hear the other girls giggle. She gritted her teeth. “I am sorry, but I am not comfortable answering that question.”

Cyrus frowned, but bowed politely. “Please forgive my inquiry. I will ask something else.” He glanced at his paper. “Of the ladies here, you have arguably spent the longest time living among the Swans. Your godparents are Archondid and Eurodities, two of the original White Swans. Your father has a very close relationship with the Black Swan, Uclepidies, and I understand you view Uclepidies closely, like an adopted uncle.” He stared at her, his blue eyes intense. “Have any of these Swans taught you their songs?”

Solea drew a quick breath and stared at Cyrus in disbelief. With all his research, Cyrus thought Uclepidies was only her adopted uncle? Feeling dizzy, she closed her eyes tightly as Cyrus repeated himself twice more.

Part of her felt stupid. Hadn’t she denied Uclepidies as her father to anyone who would listen for the past few weeks after Alainna’s disastrous party? She should be glad of Cyrus’s misunderstanding!

Yet another part of her ached. She guessed the only reason Cyrus didn’t know Uclepidies was her father was because Uclepidies denied her as his daughter. How else would Cyrus know about her godparents, yet not know her real father? The thought made her sick. She might have lashed out against Uclepidies because he embarrassed her, but his outright denial of her reminded her how accidental her existence had been.

When Cyrus concluded his third repetition, Solea took a deep breath. Feeling strangely detached from her body, she asked, “Would you like to hear a song?”

Cyrus looked nervous. “I suppose you can if you want, though I didn’t expect you to sing. I only wondered if you knew their songs.”

“Of course I know them,” Solea murmured, remembering how she used to sit on her father’s lap and listen to him sing when she couldn’t sleep. That was Uclepidies, she thought, tears coming to her eyes. She wanted to scream. Instead, she sprung up with a nervous energy that surprised her, and sang:

Hush, my child, go to sleep,
As I stay here to weep and weep.
The storm has come, and it won’t pass,
And we stand doomed as it lasts.


Your father, he has gone away,
His blood’s been spilled; he lies in his grave.
His grave that lies far in the deep,
His eyes closed in forever sleep.


The storm rages and the winds they blow,
The water surges and swells and grows.
But his body lies down so still and deep,
While I, above, can only weep.


So hush my child, go to sleep,
Dream of dreams so good and sweet,
While down below, your father dreams
Of unfinished songs and broken wings.

Solea finished singing and looked at Cyrus. He stared at her, his eyes dark and clouded. Behind him, Archondid stood with his neck oddly arched, all his feathers standing on end. She heard someone sobbing and spun around to find Sergius with his head buried in his arms.

“An interesting choice,” Cyrus finally said. He nodded to her. “The diamond on your cloak is glowing blue.”

Solea looked down in surprise to find the diamond brooch glowing a deep midnight blue, almost black, with little silver fissures that twinkled like stars. She looked back at Cyrus in surprise. “I’m sorry,” she stammered, brushing her hair from her face, only to realize she was crying too.

“There is no need to apologize,” Cyrus said, his soft accent only making his words gentler. He hesitated before pulling a handkerchief from his pocket. Then, just as Archondid flapped his wings in warning, he knelt before her. “A gift for you, lady,” he said, offering it to her. “It’s clean.”

Solea froze, remembering how her father had forced her to kneel to receive the dirty cloak she now wore. Then she thought of what Alainna had said — that nobody would ever kneel to just a handmaid.

But Cyrus had knelt to her in front of the entire class.

Solea took the handkerchief and wiped her face. It was just a plain handkerchief that Cyrus had likely bought for a penny. Still, when she looked at his concerned face and saw how gently he watched her, her heart fluttered.

“Thank you,” she said, stowing the handkerchief in a hidden pocket in her cloak near her heart.

When she looked back at him, Cyrus smiled sadly. He stood up and gave her a deep bow. “You sing beautifully, Solea,” he said. “But your song will be a sad one.”

*****

Cyrus strode to the front and turned to Alainna, looking agitated. Sergius’s sobs had quieted, but the music still hung heavy around the room. “Did you recognize that song, my Lady?”

Alainna shook her head. “It sounds sad.”

“It is a song called the Lady’s Lament,” Cyrus said, beginning to pace. “You know, of course, that the first Conqueror slew Diamea and killed him?”

“Of course,” Alainna said, eyeing him warily. “Everyone knows that.”

Cyrus grimaced. “When the first Conqueror slew him, she never intended to kill him. She had only hoped to take his blood and possess him. When he died, she panicked. With the help of her Black Swans, she cast his corpse into his lake, the Lake of Memories, hoping to revive him. But when she did, the bottom of the lake shattered, revealing a bottomless pool of water. There, the Conqueror and Diamea’s Black Swan children watched Diamea fall into the deep. When his corpse disappeared, the Lady sang that lament.”

Cyrus hesitated. “I said before that the sharing of stories is considered sacred to the Swans. But, more sacred than their stories are their songs. Diamea and his Lady work their magic through song. Right now, the prophecies state Diamea is hidden. He has lost his memory and has forgotten who he is. Yet, when he hears his Lady’s song, he will recognize her and remember himself.”

Cyrus pulled out a pocket watch and sighed. “I suppose that’s a grim way for us to end our first class, but so we must! Next time, we will finish our introductions, and I’ll give you your first homework assignment. Are there any questions?”

Alainna stood up, frustrated. “Yes! First, how old are you?”

Cyrus bowed. “If Diamea grants it, I will be twenty in three months, my Lady.”

Alainna glared at him. “The next question: who are you?” When Cyrus frowned, she said, “You are only a couple of years older than me. Yet, you have an in-depth knowledge of the Swan’s language, traditions, manners, history, stories, and songs. You learned our language to the point of being able to translate it in only five weeks.”

Cyrus blushed. “I knew some of your language before I arrived. My father was a merchant and traded with your people occasionally. Your language is not uncommon, even in my native land. I just struggle to read and write it.”

“Stop interrupting!” Alainna snapped. “During class, you spoke knowledgeably about everything from paper manufacturing to prophecy. Forgive me for my skepticism, but how does one know as much as you?”

“I listen, of course. How else does one learn anything?” When Alainna narrowed her eyes, he bowed. “I shall tell you a secret! If I simply lectured Diamean, you would be bored and wouldn’t learn anything. Thus, when I developed my lessons, I included subjects that might interest you.”

Cyrus held up several papers from his satchel so the class could see his tiny handwriting. “I wrote these for you, my dear Lady. They are summaries of the major prophecies concerning the Lady.”

Alainna narrowed her eyes. “Give that to me!” she said, marching to the front of the classroom.

Archondid suddenly raised his wings and hissed at Cyrus.

Cyrus immediately dropped the papers and backed against the wall. “My Lady, our chaperone disapproves.”

Alainna snatched the papers from the desk and flipped through them, scowling. “I can’t read any of this.”

“It’s written in Diamean,” Cyrus said, biting his lip as he watched her crinkle the pages. “I’m here to teach you that language, remember?”

Alainna glared at him. Then, she tore the papers in half.

The class gasped.

Cyrus’s face turned white with fury. Still, he didn’t move, even when Alainna tore them a second time.

“Enough!” Sergius yelled, standing up. “Class is dismissed!”

*****

“Alainna, please stay after class,” Cyrus added as everyone collected their bags in confusion. “Solea, too. Everyone else, please leave.”

“Me?” Solea shrank into her seat. “But I didn’t do anything!”

As the class scrambled out, Sergius pulled Alainna back. “What in Diamea’s name are you doing?”

“Don’t you see?” Alainna said, tugging free from his grip. “He’s too perfect! I don’t trust him at all.”

Cyrus stepped forward, his face pale. “I assure you, I’m not perfect. Nor do I require that you trust me. But please, don’t destroy my notes.” He walked to his desk and examined the torn paper. “I can rewrite this.”

“Good.” Sergius glared at Alainna. “As for you, my Lady, you should stop attacking everyone who displeases you!”

Alainna stomped her foot. “We know he’s a Conqueror!”

Sergius stopped. “What?”

“Solea and I figured it out,” Alainna said. “It’s obvious! Normally, you deal with Conqueror cases. But suddenly you’re involved in selecting our teacher. Also, when I stepped up, Archondid shooed Cyrus away instead of ordering me back to my seat. Which means he was worried more about Cyrus. Therefore, Cyrus must be a Conqueror!”

Cyrus looked horrified. “Wait! Did you tear up my papers because you thought I was a Conqueror, just to see if I grew violent?” When Alainna hesitated, he asked, “Are you insane? What would you have done if I had failed your test and attacked you?”

Solea couldn’t help herself — she snorted. Alainna shot a glare at her.

“Worse, this isn’t the first time she’s pulled this stunt,” Sergius said, annoyed. “Not too long ago, she attacked Uclepidies and rejected his gift when he gave her something she didn’t like.”

Cyrus winced. “She attacked Uclepidies?”

Alainna blushed. “He insulted me with his gift!”

Cyrus frowned at Solea. “He gave you the cloak, didn’t he? That’s why it reeks so strongly of magic—”

Solea blinked. “The cloak is magical?”

Alainna’s face grew bright red. “Oh, never mind the stupid cloak! The point is, you shouldn’t teach here!”

Cyrus grimaced. “She has a point,” he said, gesturing to his torn notes. “How can I teach the language and manners of the Swans when the Lady can’t even grasp basic manners? You have sent me on a doomed mission, Sergius.”

Sergius grinned. “I promised to take you away from home and give you an adventure. I never said it would be easy.”

Cyrus turned to Alainna. “Do you truly believe I’m a Conqueror? Or are you trying to provoke a reaction from me to get me in trouble?”

Alainna frowned. “You’re a Conqueror. Aren’t you?”

Cyrus turned to Solea. “And you, my quiet one. You must find your voice! What is your opinion?”

Solea reluctantly joined them at the front of the classroom. “I don’t know.”

Alainna turned to Solea furiously. “What! You thought he was a Conqueror too!”

Solea shrugged. “Now that we’ve met him, I’m not so certain. Perhaps he was only a controversial choice because he’s a man.”

Alainna looked even angrier. “He knows too much! He can speak Diamean fluently, perhaps better than you, and you don’t think he’s a Conqueror?”

Solea shrugged again. “The Swans promised us a competent teacher. Not a Conqueror.”

Cyrus laughed, his eyes twinkling. “I shall try to meet your high expectations, lady! Fortunately, I have good guidance.” He gestured to Archondid. “Your godfather volunteered to guide me in this strange country, for which I am very grateful. He even helped me plan my first few lessons!”

“Stop changing the subject and answer the question,” Alainna snapped. “Are you a Conqueror?”

Cyrus curled his lip. “Very well! As you are the Lady, you deserve answers.” He took a card out of his pocket and tossed it to her. “There!”

At the sight of the card, Solea paled.

Alainna caught it and frowned. “It’s in Diamean. I can’t read it. What does it say?”

Cyrus bowed. “I wouldn’t trust my input if I were you. After all, if I am a Conqueror, I would probably lie.”

Alainna shot him a dirty look. “Fine! Solea?”

Without moving to examine the card, Solea said, “It’s his Indeterminate card.”

“He’s an Indeterminate?” Alainna glanced at Cyrus, alarmed. “This means he could be a Conqueror, doesn’t it?”

Solea shook her head. “It means he might be a Conqueror, but nobody knows. All we know is he has unclaimed Swan blood.” She leaned forward and pointed to an empty space on the card. “If a Swan had claimed him, this space would be signed. Since it isn’t, he’s an Indeterminate.”

Cyrus smiled bitterly. “You seem to know a lot about this, Solea. Do you also have a card?”

She blushed and nodded.

“Claimed or unclaimed?”

“Claimed,” Solea admitted, blushing. “Though my Swan relation only claimed me after I was imprisoned as a potential Conqueror and almost executed.”

Cyrus spun toward Sergius in horror. “Solea was almost executed?”

Sergius looked annoyed. “She was only imprisoned for several weeks. Everything is fine now.”

Solea glared at Sergius. “I’d like to see you imprisoned for several weeks and see how fine everything is afterward!”

“Oh, stop bickering!” Alainna held up Cyrus’s card. “How can we determine if Cyrus is a Conqueror?”

“You can ask Cyrus directly, I suppose,” Sergius said. “If you were daring, you could see if Cyrus could possess the original Black Swans! But otherwise, it is very difficult to discern Indeterminate blood from Conqueror blood. That’s why I once mistook your sister for one.”

“I see,” Alainna said, frowning more. She turned to Cyrus. “Are you a Conqueror?”

Cyrus scowled. “I am a man.”

“But are you also a Conqueror?” Alainna asked, dangling his card in front of him.

Cyrus snatched his card away. “You know I’m an Indeterminate. As for whether I am a Conqueror, that is uncertain. Still, I beg you to look beyond my blood. For a Swan may be ruled by blood, but a man is defined by his actions. So, let me tell you my story, and you may judge me as you wish.”

Cyrus took a deep breath, rubbing a worn leather cord around his neck. “When my father married my mother, he didn’t know she was an Indeterminate until I was born, he found out. I hear he tried to kill my mother back then, but she begged him not to and offered for us to be his slaves instead. From that moment, my sister and I were raised as slaves to my father.”

Alainna frowned. “Did you resist?”

Cyrus shook his head and grimaced. “Not to his face, anyway. He terrified us! That’s why my sister and I eventually planned to run away.”

“So you ran until Sergius caught you?” Alainna asked.

“Not quite,” Cyrus said, growing pale. He shot Archondid an imploring look.

Archondid ruffled his feathers uncomfortably. “While Cyrus was away on a fishing trip, his father slit the throats of his mother and sister.”

At the words, Solea paled and drew back, stunned. “You must be joking!”

But Cyrus only swallowed hard, his face pale. “Unfortunately, it isn’t a joke. Though I wish it were.”

Alainna stared at him, astonished. “But why?”

Cyrus shrugged, shifting uncomfortably. “My father intended to kill me too,” he said, his voice cracking. “He expected I’d come home at night, so he set a bear trap for me, hoping to catch me in the dark. Except I didn’t come home that night. While my father waited for me, he got very drunk and stepped into his own trap. The next morning, I came home. That’s when I found everyone…”

His voice broke off.

Sergius stepped forward and nodded to Alainna. “As you’ve already noted, I am involved with all serious Indeterminate cases. Thus, his village contacted me since Cyrus was the primary suspect at first. I found Cyrus to be innocent. Still, his village still didn’t want him. So, since he was fluent in Diamean and could speak a fair amount of your language, I offered him this job. And look! You saw his lesson today. Wasn’t it good?”

Alainna shifted uncomfortably.

In a soft voice, Cyrus said, “Most Indeterminates work as slaves, or else wander in the wilderness until we die. So, when Sergius offered me a legitimate job, I readily agreed.”

“I see,” Alainna said, squirming even more.

Cyrus grimaced and knelt to her. “My Lady! When we met, I thanked you for allowing me to serve you. This is still true, and I mean it from the depths. Now you know my story! If you wish to hate me because of my blood, I understand. However, let me help you find your voice! That is all I ask.”

Alainna still looked skeptical, but her face softened. “If you’re not dangerous, then why do two Swans monitor you?”

“Because that was part of the conditions the headmistress gave us when we hired Cyrus,” Sergius said. “Archondid and I agreed to act as chaperones to make sure nothing untoward happened.”

Alainna turned to Archondid, frustrated. “What do you say, Archondid?”

Archondid turned to Alainna with unblinking red eyes. “I have served as Cyrus’s guide and companion for the past week. He is a good man who has given me no reason to question his intentions. I am happy to claim his friendship.”

At Archondid’s words, Cyrus’s face lit up.

Alainna scowled at Cyrus, who was still kneeling in front of her. “Fine! You can teach me. But if you do anything funny, I’ll report you.”

Cyrus stood up, relieved, and gave her another bow. “Thank you, my Lady. You will not regret it!”

*****

Solea doubled back to grab both their bags. But before they left, Cyrus coughed. “Please forgive me for changing the subject so abruptly, but since you are both still here, may I ask a quick question?”

“What now?” Alainna snapped, flustered.

“It is a quick question that came to me as I was preparing for your next class,” Cyrus assured them. He pulled out two papers and set them next to each other on his desk. “Your former teacher gave me your previous assignments to help me prepare. This was in her stack of completed in-class writing assignments. Are these yours?”

Solea scowled at their worksheets, which Madam Burl had given them about common courtesy words.

Alainna looked annoyed. “Of course, they’re ours. We wrote our names on them, didn’t we?”

“Thank you for clarifying.” Cyrus picked up Solea’s paper and admired it. “You have very nice handwriting. Very distinct! Archondid said he and Eurodities taught you how to write.” He set hers down and examined Alainna’s paper. “And you, my Lady! Who taught you?”

“Madam Burl,” Alainna glared at Solea. “Unlike some people, I wasn’t born with Swan godparents.”

Solea blushed.

“That’s fine!” Cyrus said, looking over Alainna’s paper with approval. “I heard you joined this school only six years ago. If you only started learning then, you’ve advanced a lot!”

Alainna picked up her in-class paper, pleased. “Do you really think it’s good?”

“Of course!” Cyrus said, grinning. “I can teach you more, but it looks like you already have a solid foundation.”

Alainna beamed. “Thank you!”

“Now tell me, are these also your papers?” Cyrus pulled out two more papers and placed them in front of the girls, watching their faces carefully. “This was from her stack of completed homework assignments.”

Solea paled. They were the same worksheets. Both were written in Solea’s handwriting. “I can explain,” she stammered. Then she stopped, realizing she couldn’t explain. Not without getting into trouble. She shot a desperate look at Alainna.

Alainna gritted her teeth, eyeing Cyrus warily. “What do you want?”

“I want you to do your own work,” Cyrus said, leaning forward. “I understand learning a new language is hard. Still, you need to learn this language for the good of the world.” He gestured toward the homework. “When you turn in your homework, I want to see your handwriting. Do you understand?”

Alainna glared at him. “Are you threatening me?”

Cyrus bowed. “My goal as your teacher is to help you find your voice. Not threaten you! Just now, you agreed to let me teach you. So let me! If you need help, Archondid and I can tutor you. Or you can ask Sergius for help instead. But I don’t want Solea to do your work anymore. Furthermore, if I find out you’ve been bullying Solea to complete your assignments, I will happily report you to the headmistress for cheating.”

Alainna balked. “Now you are threatening me!”

Cyrus smiled thinly. “I don’t want to report either of you. However, if you both continue to cheat, I will. I have no tolerance for petty tyrants, nor the people who enable them.”

Solea paled at the charge.

Alainna clenched her fists. “Solea is my handmaid! She’s supposed to help me.”

“The Lady’s handmaid is your guide, not your slave,” Cyrus said firmly. “As your handmaid, Solea will bring you to Diamea and help you when you’re in dire need. However, the prophecy says nothing about homework. Trust me, I’ve read it.”

Solea blinked. “I’m Alainna’s guide?”

“Fine!” Alainna snapped. “I see how it is! First, you make a big show, guilting us with your pathetic sob story. Then, as soon as I allow you to teach me, you stab me in the back!”

Cyrus gritted his teeth. “Please, my Lady! I am not your enemy. In fact, in your past life as the previous Lady reborn, you were once friends with my mother.”

He said it lightly, as if it were a well-known fact. Still, Solea’s stomach dropped. “You knew the last Lady reborn?” she stammered, glancing at Alainna. “There was another Lady reborn?”

Alainna had turned completely white.

“I understand you don’t remember her anymore, of course,” Cyrus said, looking flustered. “Still, in your past life, she was your friend. You acted as her midwife when she was pregnant. When you died, she mourned you at your funeral. She even named my sister after you—”

He stopped abruptly, trembling.

Cyrus was too lost in his own grief to notice how much he had upset them, Solea realized. She turned to Sergius with wide, pleading eyes. “Was Cyrus’s mother really friends with the previous Lady reborn?”

“The Lady reborn has lived and died dozens of times before,” Sergius said coldly. “As for Cyrus’s claim, his mother was indeed friends with the Lady’s previous incarnation.”

Alainna flinched. “I’ve lived and died dozens of times?” She spun toward Sergius. “When were you going to tell us?”

Sergius only crossed his arms and glared at her.

Cyrus shifted uncomfortably, glancing back and forth at Alainna and the Swans. “I can write you a note so you don’t get in trouble.”

Alainna sniffed, holding her head high. “I don’t need your note. I’m the Lady!”

“Come on, Alainna, let’s go,” Solea said, grabbing her arm and pulling her out of the classroom. When the door shut, she turned to her. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine!” Alainna gritted her teeth. “Did you know that I’m not the first Lady reborn?”

Solea shook her head.

Alainna snorted, eyeing her in disdain. “Of course you didn’t. You’re the most useless handmaid ever!”

Solea flushed. But before she could respond, Alainna shoved past her and hurried away.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Tikaya
Review
Tikaya wrote a review Review · Mar 3

Never mind! The dice are adamant today. More Conqueror Rising then XD

Shouldn’t it be “herself” here? “Solea drew her mother’s old cloak around her tighter”

“I am told that I owe you an apology. So here it is: sorry.” I see nothing wrong with this guy 😊 He’s hilarious; he has my trust!

Ohh she learning: “Alainna stood up and nodded before plopping back into her seat” character development in a few short chapters! You’re gonna be a good leader in no time, Alainna!

I like the idea that a person who keeps getting reborn sees sharing stories as a means to bridge communication! Because Diamea and the Lady have let so many lives to fill this shared history with everyone :3

At least he has a good idea on how to teach. Let’s see how well the kids do =D

Oh I like this conversation Solea has with Cyrus. That flows so well, so naturally :3

….Cyrus sounds like he had a miserable childhood…

Are we sure this is a conqueror and not just “well, he is a funny foreigner, maybe we should do more debates if he’s good enough to teach the Lady”? =D

HE COMES PREPARED! The personalized questions were not a generic thing, but the real deal!!!!

Oh wait, Alainna and Solea are not sitting next to each other? I must have missed that. Might be worse to emphasize Solea’s current classroom standing since last time they didn’t sit together, she was so miserable, Alainna made a point to have her sit next to her the next time. So I figured the seating arrangements are meaningful 😊

Ohhh these questions are very interesting, the ones Cyrus asks Solea. I wonder why she is not more proud about stating that this cloak is her late mother’s? (UNLESS HER MOM IS KALIE! Dun dun DUUUUUN)
Also I wonder if this really is just a misunderstanding or if Cyrus knows the relationship between Solea and Uclipedes and wants her to speak abt it for some reason? Maybe to have Solea claim him openly as her father?

I love that she has the courage to ask to sing instead!
And also the entire paragraph that leads to her song is so beautifully full of emotion!

Ohhh I wonder if there is further meaning there? “But your song will be a sad one.”
Like a prophecy…

I also feel like this could have been an excellent end point to the chapter and it would have gotten a like from me so far =D
But we shall continue with the next part now 😊

Ach Alainna, much to learn you still have. I do like that she has this rage-fuelled outburst and that Cyrus finally also showed more emotion than placid pleasantness. But he has himself so well under control that he doesn’t act on it. I guess these are the 2 years he has on Alainna =D

Oh my, I love how reasonable Cyrus is despite getting hit with such a suspicious. In general I am impressed with the dialogue in this chapter so far!

…of course the cloak is magic? Why is this a surprise to the girls? O_O Not only did it just change colours when she sang her song, it was also heavily implied earlier, right?

“You have sent me on a doomed mission, Sergius.” Cyrus should have seen her behaviour before. Right now, Alainna is doing much better than expected lol

Hmmm I suddenly want Cyrus to be Diamea reborn without memories and now he’s fallen in love with Solea because she sang the Lady’s song and now everything is very complicated!

I love that for him several weeks are fine: “She was only imprisoned for several weeks.” –because he once imprisoned someone for 100 yrs in a desert, no biggie =D

Well, now I know that Cyrus had a bad childhood. I could already tell from being pelted by stones.
Still think his story is rather stiff and not quite as fittingly written as the other dialogue parts.

This is much better than <stopped abruptly>: “His voice broke off.”

Double still? XD “Still, his village still didn’t want him.”

…doesn’t Sergius himself has better things to do than monitor a school teacher? He seems to be rly good at his job so aren’t there other white swans who can watch the potential conqueror who aren’t involved in active investigations?
And if he’s really a conqueror… why have a black swan in the same room, cant he just possess him?

Ohh Cyrus giving back with “I will happily report you” good boy.
And ofc having been a former slave he will not tolerate this with Alainna and Solea…

What.

Alainna flinched. “I’ve lived and died dozens of times?”

Why … why is this a surprise? HUH?

Ok I thought this was obvious lol but I guess not to them. Also I do not appreciate Alainna being mean to Solea now when they both got shaken up xp

User avatar
Messenger
Review
Messenger wrote a review Review · Feb 14

Hiiiii. I thought since I've already read the whole thing I xould jump in and see if I notice any differences.

at the sight of Sergius lounging in Madam Burl’s former chair. When he saw the girls, he stood up briefly and gave a curt bow. “I am told that I owe you an apology. So here it is: sorry.”

Was this line always this funny, but this absolutely killed me xD

Good.” Sergius glared at Alainna. “As for you, my Lady, you should stop attacking everyone who displeases you!”

Bold talk coming from you my dude

For a Swan may be ruled by blood, but a man is defined by his actions

Future tagline??

Alainna stared at him, astonished. “But why?”

Cyrus shrugged, shifting uncomfortably. “My father intended to kill me too,” he said, his voice cracking. “He expected I’d come home at night, so he set a bear trap for me, hoping to catch me in the dark. Except I didn’t come home that night. While my father waited for me, he got very drunk and stepped into his own trap. The next morning, I came home. That’s when I found everyone…”

A likely story ..mhmmmm.....

“Fine!” Alainna snapped. “I see how it is! First, you make a big show, guilting us with your pathetic sob story. Then, as soon as I allow you to teach me, you stab me in the back!”

Oooh Alainna if only.you knew the words you spoke.

So i did a quick word find search, and you use the terms pale or pale 7 times. Its a wonder no one passed out in this class! But seriously, it was really noticeable and definitely showed up too many times to not consider it distracting. I'd like to maybe see more physical reactions like stepping back, gritting teeth, licking lips or a thousand other ticks you could do. Maybe also search pale to see how many other times it shows up in the rest of the book? We all have our comfort words haha

Another thing this felt more distracting this time is the amount of chapters breaks you have for a chapter that takes place in one room. I could see one being used, but there's two even after they have their big huddle at the beginning and it kinda felt like watching tv when you get an ad every six minutes. It IS a long chapter. You could always divide it into two, perhaps when Alainna accuses Cyrus of being the Conqueror, or when she tears up his notes. Or maybe even just when he asks them to stay after class as they all produce a small cliffhanger.

I didn't notice much else being different. I am unsure if this is the same draft I read, but it played out how I remember for the most part, but hopefully those notes help
IF HAVENT READ THE FULL BOOK DOBT READ THIS
Spoiler
I kinda love your cover art, now that I know the story. It's very subtle in foreshadowing the bait and switch of the Lady, and how the identity of both is incorrect, if that's the right word. And also plays on the mystery and self doubt of the three main characters. I think boldening the colors, especially the grey to maybe black, would really make it pop more, assuming this is the cover or general style you roll with for the book
But yeah. I used to think it was boring.and kinda weird but now I see the vision and am a believer lol


~Messy

Image

Snoink replied · Feb 14

Oh hi, Messenger! :)

Oooh Alainna if only.you knew the words you spoke.


Honesty, this line only gets funnier after Book 2. XD

I looked at the version versus the one you read, just to see how much it changed and... the other chapters (yes, they were split up in the version you read when Sergius dismisses the class!) were about 3k more words than this! (This chapter is 5567, the one you read was 8468 words.) So the fact you didn't notice anything missing is honestly very reassuring. :) Hopefully it read faster too? Though, maybe it didn't feel too much faster since it was all one chapter, lol.

Ideally, I would like to trim 1k more words from it (BESIDES ALL THE PALING LOL OMG) because it does feel big... but I'm not sure where. Maybe in the after conversation? The transition between Cyrus's backstory and his accusation seems a little abrupt, and maybe cleaning that up a bit can help me accomplish both goals.. and get rid of another section break, lol. I'll have to play around with that, perhaps... hmmm...

I'm glad you like the cover art now, hahah. It's from this artwork and when I saw it, I immediately fell in love with it and thought of poor Solea. Like even without the ending(!), she is such a self-destructive, desperate character who is grasping for any sense of identity... and just flailing miserably because she's just a lost kid.

I'm kind of scared of playing with the original artwork... I am no artist! But maybe I can play around with it... hmmmm...

Anyway, thanks for all your comments and taking a second look at it. <3

Messenger replied · Feb 14

I dont know if it read faster ( I was deep in the newborn rocking chair while he sleeps trwnches) but I did think Sergius did a lot more interrupting and that Cyrus maybe had a longer intro? Now it feels brisk and a lot like first day of classes in college to me. Look, its an important chapter that introduces a lot so in some ways you want to keep much of it in one cohesive chunk.
I think everything after the last break could be condensed. Cut the conversation and sneaking around and just have him hold both up. I think the last sentence before that break feels like the end of the chapter

SavageRaptor109 wrote a review Review · Feb 14

Alright, time for another review, and to see how this story continues.

First off, I think while Archondid might be my favorite character. I mean, the way he "waddles" as a Black Swan, <3.

I also like this Cyrus guy. He kinda reminds me of my brother. He might become a favorite too, if he's not a bad guy.

I do have a few possible corrections.

For one, at the beginning, where it says: "Archondid, in his Black Swan, waddled beside him." Might I suggest changing it to "Black Swan form" instead. But if that's a style of the book, then ignore this.

One thing that threw me off was in these two paragraphs:

He snatched a handful of papers from his satchel and waved them over his head. “My lesson plan! Today is for introductions! I suppose I should start, seeing as I am your teacher. However, now that I see all your lovely faces, I confess I’m much more interested in you. So, I shall be quick!

“One of the most sacred traditions of the Swans is the exchanging of stories. To share your story is to allow your heart to take flight and become part of something greater and share in the legacy of Diamea. Thus, my goal as your teacher is to help you find your voice so you can share in that legacy.” He bowed and repeated himself in both languages.

When it switched like that mid-dialogue, I got thrown off a little bit. I might suggest either adding something between the paragraphs, like a character's thoughts on the speaker, or adding "He continued" or something along the lines of that at the beginning of the second paragraph, just to make it easier to read since, when it jumped like that, I thought there was a different person speaking.

And here, where Cyrus says: "The slight is completely unintentional.” Did you mean to say slip or miss? I got a bit confused on what you meant by "slight" there.

Those were the only things I noticed though. I really liked this! Personally, I don't think Cyrus is a Conqueror. He seems too nice! And also, Alainna having Solea write her homework for her was a nice little touch to add.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this. Keep writing, my friend! You are doing amazing!

Book replied · Feb 14

I cannot wait to watch your reactions to the rest of this book! I've already read the full thing and I have wanted to see someone's reaction to it for a while. I'm sure your going to love it! Also good luck on your Senior project!!

Book replied · Feb 14

To contine to defend my Aunt's writing, the change between the "my lesson plans" to "one of the most" is to move away from introducing Cyrus to telling his backstory. Snoink uses it both to world build that stories are sacred to Swans and to allow the story to move along. It can be a bit jarring but Cyrus as a character is energetic and chaotic so it does fit how his character would speak. Then for slight, slight is an insult by not respecting someone properly. Cyrus means he does not mean to disrespect all the ladies on the left because of his eye and ear. Please note I am not a professional and am younger than you so anything I say could be wrong and if you wish to, please disregard it. I do not mean to slander or put down your review but only hope to clear up what I can with what I understand. Snoink please yell at me if I'm wrong too. I hope you continue to review and write Savage!

Snoink replied · Feb 14

Oof, thanks for finding that missing word! I am so GUILTY of those. XD

Also, good spot on the paragraph... I think I originally split them up because they were really long, but I've shortened it quite a bit so I think I'll just add them together.

A quick question for you! Did you read the first two chapters? (It's okay if you didn't! I 100% understand review day madness. :)) If you didn't, did these two chapters still make sense?

Thanks for explaining that, Book! And, Snoink, I have not read the first two chapters, but I defiantly should instead of starting this story in the middle. These two chapters make sense without the first two, but the first 2 are probably necessary to understand the world you're jumping into :)



We are discreet sheep; we wait to see how the drove is going, and then go with the drove.
— Mark Twain