The nice thing about Solea meeting with Alainna during Frenzy was Alainna couldn't escape. At least, not unless she wanted to risk becoming a Black Swan's dinner.
Not that it was safe for Solea either. She wouldn’t be eaten, but only a fool would wander around a boarding school during the monthly Frenzy when Black Swans everywhere were mad with bloodlust. Still, after three weeks of silence, she felt foolish enough to risk anything for Alainna’s attention.
Carefully, she rounded the corner — the last corner until she reached Alainna’s room — holding her gas lamp high and watching for glowing red eyes from lingering Black Swans. Then, satisfied she was alone, she took Alainna’s key tucked behind her ear and flung open the door.
“Hail Lady!” she cried, letting the door slam behind her. “Please let me curtsy to you!” Then, though she knew Alainna couldn’t see her through the darkness, she gave an exaggerated curtsy. Something — she hoped the decorative vase near the door — crashed onto the floor.
From Alainna’s couch, Solea heard a thump of blankets and a string of groggy curses. “Solea? What in Diamea’s name are you doing here?”
“Serving you as your handmaid, of course, my Lady!” Solea said, biting her lip so her smile didn’t sneak into her voice. “It’s been so long since we last talked — three weeks, in fact — so I wanted to check on you.”
Alainna swore. “You absolute maniac! I was asleep until you barged in!”
“Were you?” Solea tucked her curls back. “Well, I couldn’t sleep, so I finished your homework instead, like the devoted handmaid I am.” She paused. “Not that you asked me, since that would involve talking to me, your stepsister, and why would you ever do something silly like that? Still, seeing as yesterday you stole my homework from my bag, crossed out my name, and replaced it with yours, I assumed you still wanted my help. Anyway, would you like me to read this essay?”
“You’re joking,” Alainna said, her voice rising. It was too dark to see her face, yet Solea guessed it had flushed dark pink. “Did you seriously come here at the darkest part of Frenzy, just to read me an essay? You could have been eaten by Black Swans!”
Solea sniffed. “You can be eaten by Black Swans. I can’t. I’m unfortunately a Black Swan’s daughter. This means, not only can my blood ruin an entire load of laundry, but it also scares off Black Swans from eating me. Which, fortunately, makes these late Frenzy visits possible.”
Alainna swore again. “What time is it?”
“Almost dawn,” Solea said. “Don’t worry, I let you sleep most of the night.” She held her essay close to her lamp. “Now, if you please, my Lady! Thanks to this wonderful technological advancement known as a gas lamp, I would like to share with you your riveting home economics essay, ‘The Ideal Balance Between Frugality and Luxury.’”
“Stop!” Alainna snapped. “You know exactly why I don’t want to talk to you, and if you think this stunt is making me feel any different, you’re delusional!”
Solea cleared her throat. “An ideal home should balance both simple comfort while having lavish touches to emphasize a richness of experience…”
Alainna gave a cry of fury. “Enough!” There was a soft thump, footsteps, then Solea felt Alainna grab at her papers. Solea held them up higher — only to brush the paper against her lamp. Instantly, the paper lit up like a flare.
For a moment, Solea and Alainna stared at each other with wide eyes, their faces lit by the flame.
“It’s fine, I have a damp rag,” Solea said quickly, shoving the lamp into Alainna’s hands. Alainna fumbled the lamp, cursing, while Solea grabbed the rag from her satchel and threw it over the paper, snuffing it out.
“Why, you’re mad!” Alainna said, her voice rising. “You planned this all, didn’t you? That’s why you brought the lamp and the rag!”
Solea threw her rag on the floor. “I didn’t plan anything! If I wanted to set the stupid paper on fire, I would have, but I didn’t! You attacked me! As for the rag, I didn’t want to trip and accidentally set the school on fire, so I brought it. And thank goodness I did, otherwise you would have burnt down your room!”
“Unbelievable!” Alainna cried. “So now it’s my fault?”
Her hysterical voice only made Solea angrier. “Though really, I should have expected you to attack me, given what you did to my father at your birthday party,” she said, her voice trembling in rage. “That’s why you’re punishing me, isn’t it? After you attacked my father, you hoped he would give up and bleed all over the floor without defending himself. Perhaps you thought you could get away with it, since he’s so broken. Then you got mad when he pulled you down with him.”
“I’m not mad at you because of your father!” Alainna said. “I’m mad at you because of what you did!”
Solea snorted. “I did nothing!”
“Exactly!”
As Alainna spoke, Frenzy’s strange darkness that had enshrouded them before lifted. For the first time since their fight started, Solea saw Alainna clearly, dressed in a silken dressing gown with her hair braided up loosely.
Alainna clenched her fists. “You’re supposed to be my handmaid and help me. Instead, during my birthday party, you just stood around like a fool while your father possessed my stepfather and attacked me! Then, while I lay bleeding on the floor, you took the present he intended for me!”
Solea flinched, raising her chin. “Oh stop! It’s not like you ever wanted that ratty, old cloak anyway. That’s why you rejected it first!”
“I wasn’t talking about the stupid cloak! I was talking about the brooch he gave you afterward.”
Solea flinched, inwardly admitting to herself that Alainna had every reason to hate her for keeping that gift. After all, the cloak was just a tattered cloak that had once belonged to Solea’s mother. It was a gift Solea would have genuinely appreciated, had her father not tried to give it to Alainna first, then forced her to kneel for it. But the brooch? The brooch was magical, made from one of Diamea’s feathers. It was a gift more appropriate for the Lady, not the Lady’s handmaid.
Still, Solea was too angry to admit that to Alainna. Instead, she gritted her teeth and glared at her. “The last time Madam Burl caned me, you watched on without a word, even when she broke her switch.” She held up her hands, which were scabbed over and oozing with pus. “I’m still bleeding from the caning she gave me weeks ago!”
Alainna sniffed, eyeing Solea’s hands with disdain. “If you hadn’t picked your scabs, they would have already healed by now. Besides, nobody asked you to get into a screaming match with Madam Burl.”
Solea blushed, rubbing her scabs. “It wasn’t my fault! Madam Burl was the one who claimed Black Swans spoke a different language than White Swans. Why, the whole notion is absurd! The Swans work together too much for their language to be different!”
Alainna glared at Solea. “You stood up in class and called Madam Burl an incompetent teacher who was too stupid to teach anything, let alone Diamean.”
Solea flinched. “I only said that after she called me a liar and a shill for the Black Swans, then claimed my blood was tainted. Except my blood isn’t tainted, since I’m not a Conqueror!”
Alainna only snorted.
Solea gritted her teeth, shoving her dark curls away from her face. “If you think I’m tainted, then what does this say about you, the Lady reborn? You are the mother of the Swans! And I’m not just your handmaid either, but your stepsister and granddaughter as well!”
Alainna turned pink. “Get out,” she said, grabbing Solea’s arm and dragging her to the door. “Now!”
Solea tried to wiggle away. “No, stop, please! I just want to talk! I know you’re upset about the party, but please! It’s been three weeks already! Besides, you know, you’re the only reason anyone tolerates me. I’m already the youngest in class. Combine that with my being a Black Swan’s daughter, and most people would treat me like a dirty little Conqueror, were it not for you. So please! What can I do so you’ll talk to me again?”
“I don’t want to talk! I want you to shut up and never speak to me again!”
“But—”
“No! This conversation is over! First, you broke into my room during Frenzy, knowing I couldn’t escape. Then you nearly set my room on fire, destroyed my essay, and insulted me! Do you think I want to talk to you after that? Because I don’t!”
Solea flinched. “Your essay? Why, I wrote it all!”
Alainna’s face flushed in fury. “You know exactly what I meant! Now, get out!” She pushed open the door and shoved Solea out — into something soft and feathery.
*****
For a split second, Solea was terrified she had just crashed into a Black Swan. Then she realized she was surrounded by white feathers.
A White Swan.
“You idiot!” Alainna dragged her up while Solea giggled in relief. “Can’t you do anything right?”
Solea shook off Alainna’s hand and glanced back at the White Swan, still sprawled out on the black and white tiled hallway. Then she froze.
Sergius.
Solea couldn’t mistake him even if she tried. Even in his human form, the old bloodstain covering the white sleeve of his tunic was unmistakable. And his face! While most White Swans in their human forms had ageless, unblemished faces, a jagged scar ran along Sergius’s nose, making his entire face seem crooked.
When Sergius caught Solea gaping at him, he threw his white feathered cloak back over his shoulders and glared at her. “Watch where you’re going, you clumsy girl! You could have bled me!” When Solea shrank away, he snorted. “Solea, isn’t it? I should have known! I almost killed you once, didn’t I?”
Solea yelped and ducked behind Alainna.
Automatically, Alainna spread out her dressing gown to hide Solea better and scowled at Sergius. “What’s going on?”
Sergius sneered at Alainna. “Mind your own business, little girl!”
“Little girl?” Alainna spat out with equal contempt, drawing herself up. “Is this how you address the Lady?”
Sergius’s face turned pale, then bright red. Frantically, he stepped back, glancing back and forth from Solea to Alainna. Then he swallowed hard, as if he’d been eating rocks. “You are the Lady?”
Alainna stepped forward, curling her lip in disdain. “Yes, I am, which means you owe me your allegiance! Kneel to me. Now.”
Sergius stepped back, humiliated, and Solea hid a smile. Alainna didn’t have any real power over Sergius. Without Diamea at her side, the Lady reborn’s authority over Swans was strictly ceremonial. Yet he couldn’t deny her, his mother reborn, publicly without consequence. He swallowed hard and glared at Solea. “At least make the girl step aside—”
“Now!”
Sergius swore under his breath and knelt while Solea, still hiding behind Alainna, fought back a laugh.
“Now tell me!” Alainna said, eyeing Sergius in contempt. “Who are you and why are you threatening my handmaid?”
Sergius shifted uncomfortably on his knees. “I am your son, and I am not threatening your handmaid! I was only referring to a simple misunderstanding that happened several years ago. May I get up?”
At his words, Solea stepped forward, trembling. “A simple misunderstanding? Why, you imprisoned me and sentenced me to death when I was only ten years old!”
Alainna blinked. “Wait! Are you Sergius? The Swan who signed Solea’s execution order several years back?”
Sergius made a face. “I only tried to kill her because I thought she was a Conqueror, since my idiot brother, Uclepidies — her father — hid her away from us.” Then Sergius glared at Solea. “Still, don’t hate me too much, my dear niece. After all, I am also the one who saved you.”
Alainna narrowed her eyes. “Why are you here?”
“Because your headmistress and I have a meeting regarding the future of your education,” Sergius said. “Now if you please, my Lady, may I get up?”
Alainna glanced at Solea with a raised eyebrow, then nodded and stepped back.
Sergius sprang up, brushing off his cloak. Then he looked over at Solea, his gaze lingering on her hands. “Your hands. They’re bleeding. Weren’t they bleeding at the party?”
Solea shoved her hands behind her back.
Sergius watched her warily. When she didn’t respond, he bit his lip. “Tell me, Solea, do you still talk with your father?”
“Occasionally,” Solea said, too ashamed to admit the last time she talked with him was three weeks ago.
“Then tell him to stand down from his ridiculous position,” Sergius said. “While I appreciate his suggestions, I do not appreciate his continued stubbornness. He can’t protect you forever, so you should learn how to fly while you’re still a fledgling, so you do not fall when you’re an adult.”
With that, Sergius flipped back his cloak and walked away.
When he was out of earshot, Alainna scowled. “What would your father need to protect you from? Sergius isn’t planning to execute you again, is he?”
It was the first time Alainna had spoken voluntarily to her in three weeks, and yet Solea’s heart was hammering too quickly for her to enjoy it. She stared down the hallway and shuddered. “No, Sergius wouldn’t do that.”
Alainna narrowed her eyes. “Then why is he here?”
Solea shrugged, trying not to look nervous. “So I can learn to fly?” When Alainna only frowned, she shifted her uncomfortably. “Listen, Alainna, I’m really sorry about breaking into your room—”
“Oh, never mind that! Just don’t set anything else on fire.” Alainna nodded toward the door. “Sergius wouldn’t normally come for something as small as educational matters at ladies’ boarding school, would he?”
Solea shook her head. “Not him! He’s one of the most powerful White Swans in the world! Normally, he hunts Conquerors.”
Alainna frowned. “Then why would he stop his work for us?”
Solea grimaced. “Perhaps he hasn’t stopped his work.”
Fear flashed across Alainna’s face. Again, she glanced down the hallway where Sergius had disappeared, Then, with a grim look, she opened her door. “Why don’t you stay with me today after Frenzy? Just in case Sergius tries anything.”
Solea blinked in surprise. “Are you sure?”
Alainna nodded. “Also, you can rewrite that essay you burnt.”
She did not say it as a joke, yet Solea burst out laughing. Then, when Alainna glared at her, she gave her an apologetic grin and curtsied. “Anything for my Lady!”
Points:
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Hi!
I'm testing out the beginning... if you're reading this, I want to know...

1. If you finished reading.
2. If you didn't finish reading, where did you stop?
3. If the world building feels too dense.
4. ...and anything else you want to comment.
Anyway, thanks for taking a look at it!
Text was revised February 13, 2026! (A scene was moved to Chapter 2, some text was revised.)
Hi Snoink!
I’m surprised this stayed in the Green Room for so long! But never fear, now I’m here and I’m looking forward to the improvements you’ve made to the chapter! [Update from the Tika of the next day: I started reading and then IRL happened and I couldn’t concentrate anymore so this is the second attempt xd]
That beginning sounded so familiar so I wanted to check the other chapter but alas. I eventually remembered you sent this in PM 😊 My opinion of the first words since then has not changed so let’s continue onward!
“I’m unfortunately a Black Swan’s daughter.” I feel like this sentence veers too much into “As you know” territory. I feel like instead of making thing explicit, think abt how she would actually say that to someone who knows what’s up to remind them, sarcastically, of her condition? Like the example of ruining laundry and scaring off Black Swans is pretty good but I think you can afford to be very vague here in the beginning. After all, readers will be new to their story so any explanation abt Black Swans will be news to them. Maybe this could be an opportunity to slowly drop hints abt this?
Oh I love this:
I also appreciate Alainna finally getting her wits together and brushing her off :3
And that Solea straight up doesn’t care—using this moment of weakness to her full extend =D
Hahaha that it catches fire is comedy gold right here, also that they immediately stop fighting bc of it! Also Solea, the handmaid, immediately thinking of the practical solution!
Hmm I feel at this point Solea’s speech might already be too long: “As for the rag, I didn’t want to trip in the dark” Idk why she would have to explain that in the same breath. Maybe have an aside to Alainna and her expression or have Alainna immediately jump on the rag thing or something to break this up?
You still have all these moments of exposition in your character speeches that makes it sounds so… unnatural, as if these two shouldn’t talk to each other like this “At sixteen” etc It’s an issue that’s stretching over almost every dialogue you have in this chapter.
Alainna and her both know she’s sixteen and I know you desperately want to give readers the info abt her age but it doesn’t work here ☹
You’re a bit too eager to give out explanations when sometimes less is more. Does it matter right now in her speech why Solea feels so isolated/is an outcast? Not rly. What matters is that she is and that Alainna is her only social link and that being her grace is really important to her! If you have to give information that both characters are well aware of that’s what text not speech is for.
This works very well: “It wasn’t my fault! Madam Burl was the one who claimed Black Swans spoke a different language than White Swans. Why, the whole notion is absurd!“ I’m less amicable to the rest of her dialogue here since that veers into over-explaining again.
This is also good: “but your stepsister and granddaughter as well!”
And lol for Alainna getting pink over this! I suppose she’s her granddaughter in the sense that the actual grandmother died and was reborn as Alainna?
Mwahahaha “destroyed my essay“ I like this detail. Wish Solea would have followed up on that!
I’m confused. I doubt that Sergius is the one still sprawled on the hallway so it must be Solea. But Alainna helped her up last paragraph.
Oh I love how you implement the fact that the Lady is the Mother to all Swans. It works really well!
Feels like this sentence needs an explanation that he’s wondering if this is still from the party or something: “Weren’t they bleeding at the party” idk it feels a bit random without any context. But that might just be me.
Aside from the usual overexplaining issues in the speech I really really enjoyed that Sergius encounter. It had a nice flow and I felt it conveyed it’s necessary information very well. The characters are also delightful in this, all three of them :3 I liked it a lot more than the other version 🤔
Aww I specifically remember how you described the desk in the first version and I liked that way more. Something something like a graveyard…
I love this detail: “posters of overly happy White Swans in their human forms, demonstrating proper lip shapes for vowels. “
I also like how you explain the incent at the birthday party this time around. I find the way Sergio speaks about it to the class way more compelling and also, this time around it doesn’t really bother me that he does it in front of all fifteen girls. It just fits.
I think she’s speaking up because a tutor presumably would help her with convincing Diamea to marry her? But it still feels a bit weird that she speaks up right here and now?
Is she really that flustered to admit something so embarrassing so directly? “Just, Solea called me stupid—” Why doesnt she say that she’s been unruly or something? Would be more in line with a teacher. It feels more like you really want to set up the cool line from Sergei later but the groundwork isn’t there.
If Solea herself defended herself by saying then that she called her stupid bc x and y then you also have another character beat for her to show that she’s a gremlin, momentarily able to forget that she’s talking to Sergei bc she remembers that day and how angry that made her etc?
I find myself also having questions this time around. Why did the teacher not know that the swans speak the same language? The more I think abt it the less plausible it seems. Unless she really wanted the kids to think that the Black Swans are so fundamentally different from the White ones that she’s ready to spread misinformation over it? I feel like the narrative is very unclear on this issue (but then again, I am also not a native speaker)
“Which meant he had never intended to give Madam Burl a chance for redemption.” I really like this observation.
I really like that Solea tries to stand her ground and that Sergius doesn’t let her, forcing the issue. That is nice characterization!
…okay I find my suspension of disbelief severely shaken when Mr “How Can You Be So Stupid And Forget About Solea’s Swan Blood” himself forgets about her swan blood when trying to heal her :/
Ohhh I love this hint of mystery here: Ohhh that is so so cool and I love that she says it like that. I can almost overlook that you used the exact same formatting (character grimaces. Says short line) like a few paragraph earlier with Sergius. But only almost, I think you should switch one of them up to make this work even better!
I feel like this would have been a better way to end the chapter too. The other 3 paragraphs feel less… impactful afterwards. “Perhaps he hasn’t stopped” implies that an evil conqueror is right here at the school, hiding in plain sight! But the rest of the chapter does away with that in that the girls are unsure why he is really here.
I’m also not sure why they are so ready to stop Sergius when they have no idea what is even happening. And he just did remove an incompetent teacher who kept hurting the main character –which means readers would be inclined to side with him if you’re doing your job as an author right and make the MC sympathetic (it certainly worked on me). The fact that Solea is afraid of Sergius is only secondary here since he’s no longer directly involved with her. The execution thing we readers never really witnessed so while he seems intimidating we’re much more on his side. I’m speaking of a hypothetical us btw xd It’s just my opinion.
I also find myself less interested in what the girls are up to and that they want to stop him. The fact is that Alainna seems to have real power over Sergius and he rather fled than outright lie to her. So you didn’t really show why they’re gonna have a difficult time. What I mean is that the chapter ends on a way less interesting note than it could have done for me ^^
First, it's amazing. With how long it was, I initially planned to give up and go review something else, but it kept my attention until the very end.
Second, it's also confusing, but I feel like that's because this might be a sequel to something else or not the first part or something.
First, I though Diamea was the Lady, since it was mentioned that the Lady was the mother of all Swans and then Diamea was also mentioned as a parent of Swans. Now, it seems that they are instead the other parent, a different one from the Lady, and some kind of deity.
The Swans seem to be something similar to divine, and they seem to have something similar to wasps (I was always told that when you kill a wasp, it lets out something that alarms other wasps, causing them to attack you. What the work mentioned about the Frenzy reminded me of this). Swans seem to start out as White, and turn to Black later on, after being 'bled'.
Solea being both Alainna's stepsister and granddaughter is interesting. So Alainna's reincarnated/reborn?
(I'm trying to write a report on what I understood from the story so you know what the reader thinks of it).
The first paragraph pulled me in, and the last is a fitting end.
I don't know how to describe it, but it's amazing. Engaging.
Didn't notice any grammar mistakes, though I didn't look very closely. What I did notice is that names get repeated a lot, and that Alainna's name gets mentioned two times in the first paragraph, which could be reduced to one. Just my suggestion.
I probably missed something, but I'll end the review here. Hope you have any use for it.