I am so alone right now,
and yet I want nobody.
but i need somebody.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
I like this little poem. It echos my own thoughts. If your going for what I think you are, its that tou want some suitable company but when you look around nobody takes the cake. And therefore you settle for nobody. Not much else to say. Brief, succinct, elegant. I like your style.
Um, thanks, yeah that's pretty much it. xP
So. A poem that is short to the extreme. Good job.
I really appreciate this poem. It is short and sweet, and I understand it. You just want to sit alone, in the dark, eating corn chips. When what you really need is someone to come and pick you up, hug you, ask you how you are doing. I think it's superb.
I noticed that everyone who has reviewed this is hating on the length. Personally, I believe it has a marvelous length. Keep it exactly how it is.
The punctuation is neat, too. In fact, the whole poem is just similar to a thought. Short, quick.
Thank you for a wonderful poem!
Hey Skydreamer! The writer13 here to give a reivewww.
So first off, I like the simplicity of this poem. I believe it was your intention to leave us wondering why you cross out "but I need somebody"
Good visual, I might add.
However, the piece itself is a bit confusing.
Why do you make it so short?
Why does one need somebody yet want nobody?
Those are good questions you have posed, and I really appreciate a poem that makes me think. However I really want answers
For this sentence, it's unfortunate you left us hanging. I really wanted to read further, to find out why this person thinks and feels the way they do. Perhaps some clarification?
The punctuation was good. But I think there's a way to make the poem more powerful: take out all punctuation except the last sentence. This, in turn, will provide a full stop. We'll still be left hanging (darn it) but the poem will be more effective. (That's what I think, but change what you want. It is your poem.)
Overall I liked it! Great work on the form, and such. You have mastered simplicity.
But I wanna find out moreee.Keep writing!
Well, this poem was quite short, and short poems are hard to review. I shall try anyway.
First off, I think this works well as a short poem. However, you could extend on it if you wanted. But if you don't want to, don't. I hate it when people are all like, "You should extend on this, it's too short," and you're thinking, "Ummmmm....it's meant to be short, doofus. That's the whole POINT."
So don't extend if you don't want to.
Good points: punctuation good, consistent, crossed out line creative idea, content captures attention.
Nitpicks: I know it is kind of tasteless to nitpick capitalization in a poem, but I don't think this would effect your poem's content so much as just make it look more professional.
In short, I think you should capitalize the but in the 3rd line, just to keep with the consistency of the poem.
Secondly, I don't think you need to italicize need in the 3rd line. I actually think changing it to not italicized gives the poem more rhythm/flow, and it also gives it a more "feeling small, I'm alone" feel, whereas italicized, it takes on a more desperate, needy, attention-seeking feel that kind of irritates me.
Overall, I liked it! For a short poem, it had a very powerful feeling. I think the crossed out line is a really nice touch.
Overall rating: 8.5/10
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