A/N:
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0Oz5zT3p7ZZ <-- That is me singing the melody that inspired the lyrics. :) It just came to me and I add a disclaimer that it might be inspired from a song I heard a while ago or something, but it was just tugging at my heart so I had to make it into my own little song. ^^
So many questions without
any answers
Too many people they don't
know
There's so much hidden inside
lies
Lots of troubles we'd like to
hide
This world is sinking why should
we stay
I can't live here another day. (2x)
[Chorus]
will you run away with me? (2x)
we will chase the sea, we will chase, the sea!
we can chase the sea, we can chase the sea!
oooh,
They say the past is in the past
live on
Don't ever look back you are stronger
than you ever thought
Braver than you could believe
so don't wait
Take a chance, do something you
won't regret
I will be there for every tear
and you will be safe
I promise you'll be safe
oh!
[Chorus]
I promise (3x) it'll be you and me, till the end, till the end.
[Chorus]
will you run away with me?
we will be set free, we will be set free. (2x)
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Hola Skydreamer!
I first off would like to say that I have thought up around 2 other rhythms/melody's to go with this song that work AMAZINGLY. Now this song looks short, but if you sing it in that melody that you, Skydreamer, came up with, it's a pretty decent song. There are allot of lyrics that are repeating which is something that i'm not crazy about, but other than that, this is a good song. Well, I hope to see some more from you soon!
P.S: You've earned a follower *thumbs up*
Hi, Skydreamer!
What a beautiful song, and good on your for posting the voice part as well. As a side note, I hope you have that recorded somewhere else because vocaroos expire, and I always end up forgetting melodies. Anyways, I'm going to talk about this piece both lyrically I musically, and I think a strong point was the chorus. The melody for it was so good and I like how it changed at the end.
Is this a bridge? I feel like it is, and if so it's still quite similar to the rest of the verse/chorus lyrics. In a song I feel there should be one section which is a bit different, or an instrumental. So maybe you could change the lyrics here a bit, into something, still about the future, but more like what the future will be like for these two people.
I think the melody of the verse is kind of all over the place, like it didn't feel the same when I was listening to it and you were singing the different lyrics. It's fine when you're singing to sort of add extra notes, make it sound different, but I think that you need a good base for a melody and right now there isn't really one. Like, you're changing the melody so the words flow better, which you can do, but I wouldn't recommend doing it all the time! I suggest you listen to it again, and see if you can tap along to the melody consistently. Where you feel you can't, you can change the lyrics so they have more of the same rhythm. Do a syllable count of each line and try and have them to be roughly the same.
The gist I seem to be getting from the verse lyrics is that there is something to hide between these two people and that's why they want to run away together. Or the fact that people don't like them together so they feel that they need to escape. I agree with previous users in saying that you could flesh out the emotions, right now they are all quite general, try and make it more personal, maybe link it to personal experiences if you feel comfortable in doing so; it'll make your lyrics stand out from the rest.
That's all I have to say, I thought generally this was brilliant with a very good chorus, you just need to think about the verses. Hope this helps, feel free to ask me any questions!
Keep writing,
~ArcticMonkey x
Hi! CHRISSY here with a review!
Ok, now I love the feel of this- the way that you just pour yourself into this song, and the way it is written- it is great! It reminds me of a real song Taylor Swift wrote for the Hunger Games- called Safe and Sound. It has the feel- but you make it your own! The way you take action and write this down is great. I think you should go with your feeling more often! I think that now you have done it- you have something great you have now shared with the world! 
*)
For one- you had the guts to share your wonderful voice with us, WITH this piece is just unheard of. It is incredible- and just amazing! I thing=k you can really make it big, writing great songs like this, and then signing! Good for you- I am just astounded!
Now, for some opinions to try and help!
Now, just a polite disagreement with Serene- (but is really not) I kinda feel the opposite with The changing chorus! I think that some songs do change their main lyrics up- and it keeps it interesting~ BUT it has to pertain to the whole song, or be kinda similar to the original one.
Overall this was just amazing! Great job- I am proud! *Applauds* This was great- and I hope to hear more tom you!
*Keep Writing!* ( *And Singing
I have only three issues with this;
1. It's really short.
I get that lyrics repeat a lot, but this just seems kinda bare. I mean, I get the idea, but there's really no story, no hammered out connections, it's just "I'm in love with you, you love me, let's be together, the end"
Flush it out some more, get some real deep down emotion!
2. It's an overused concept.
That idea is sung about so much, and done so much, you need to make it a bit more unique. Add some of your own personal stuff, your own experiences, maybe a close friends, something that makes it not sound like every other folk love song (that's what it sounds like in my head, I can't listen to the song because my speakers don't work)
3. The chorus.
Ok, I'm not saying that there's anything particularly wrong with it, I just have the question of why do you keep changing it?????
Seriously, you have 3 different chorus' in this song. A chorus is not supposed to change, that is what makes it a chorus. A bridge can change, versus' can change, chorus' DON'T. Also, you're Chorus is far too short and weak.
Basically, I think you just need to beef this up, and fix the chorus issue. Once you do that, you should be great.
Thanks,
~Maddie
Thanks for sharing your opinion! I agree it could and perhaps should be longer and I'll probably edit and add a stanza or two. However the chorus was like that by a certain choice (of the way it's sung and to add a certain urgency and emphasis) and actually stays consistent up until the ending where I changed it for the last few lines.
Once again, thanks!
Awesome voice. Interesting lyrics. The most inspiring songs are those that come from personal experience. I love the chorus most.
The only critic I could give, only because this is a writing community, is to make the lyrics easy to read by placing the verses together without much spacing so that the listener can easily follow as you sing.
Overall, well done with the song. Stay inspired to write more.