Young Writers Society

hi writer,

honestly, you poem gave me some mixed reading while reading it.

the first line starts clearly enough-
'Don't hold on [beat.] to me. (2x)
I don't need you, I promise.
You can let me go, I'll make it on my own. "

so its like , maybe the person you love is a liar or cheat. or maybe you don't want him/her.

then you say--
'I've been alone, and I know how to make it work,
so don't hold on to me.
Unless you won't let me go"

so the reader believes you to stay strong and determined in your request to be let gone.

the next stanza implies lack of trust in you and your partner. that makes you doubtful and insecure which is in direct contrast with the earlier one.
"I've been alone, and I know how to make it work,
so don't hold on to me.
Unless you won't let me go"

then you say--
"So I'll save you the trouble and just tell you,
don't hold on to me. (2x)
I've been by myself a strong person, don't need anybody else.
So don't hold on to me. "

what prompts you to be let gone / the reason to your misery, apart from fear of being left is not clear.

i would have enjoyed it if you could put in words describing your feelings.

like
" my soulless life it would be if you let me go,
but forgive me, as i need to live on too.. "

let me know what you think on this.

to review my work, visit- The first betrayal

keep writing and keep reviewing..

I loved these lyrics!! I really think this song has potential, it just needs a bit of work. I think the first half is really strong. The second half seems like it could be stronger though. That fourth stanza, I feel, is too long compared to the other stanzas; it doesn't flow well with the rest of the song.. The third line in there could be shortened or even rephrased maybe. I can totally relate to the third stanza!! If you can make the rest of the song as strong as that stanza, it would be GOLDEN!!!! Please keep writing more songs!!!

I thought that this was an interesting song. However the beginning doesn't really intrigue me. It seems rather weird and choppy. All together it seems like a poem rather then a song, I think that you should try and give it more a song rhythm/beat. Your second to last stanza is also an example of how your piece of work sounds choppy, I have no idea what your beat is even trying to be *and I normally can tell a beat since I am a choir student.* Overall I did like it, it just needs some work.

yay got my edits to work! : )