EDITING-POSSIBLY
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hi there, Stella again!
shudder.
hers
Alright so I got really confused in this chapter about what actually happens. They're in class and Ryan stabs him in the back with... what? Glass? Glass what? I got really confused by that. And in the middle of class? Also, did the whole class see the blood, and no one thought, "Hm, well, Ryan was sitting behind him". I find it all a bit hard to a) get my head around and b) believe. So I think that you need to work on that.
I liked the last part with the two of them interacting again, but again, please be careful with switching perspectives. It's messy when you drift from Trey to Mickey. Why not let us observe Mickey from Trey's eyes for the scene, and then in the next chapter in Mickey's perspective have her reflect on the conflict. Just have a think about it. Or if you want to use Mickey's perspective, make a decisive change to it.
I like the plot progression here. I'm genuinely interested in where this story is going now, and that doesn't often happen on YWS so good job!
Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!
-Stella x
Stella!
I do need to fix that part... but I was mainly trying to show a society that doesn't really care/see what is going on around them. Also many more details regarding the both of them will soon be discussed, and finally for my switching of POV....I'm not too sure how to fix that but I understand what you mean. I guess I could keep with his POV for this one. Thanks 
!