The earth splits,
and terror strikes.
Screams echo through,
A once silent night.
The pits of hell,
Emerge and fright.
Demons rise up,
from the ground.
The hell hounds make,
unholy sounds.
Your pulse quickens,
and your heart pounds.
Let the hell begin.
The winged beasts,
fly through the night.
They are quiet,
a gruesome sight.
They want a feast,
and take a bite.
Demons rise up,
from the ground.
The hell hounds make,
unholy sounds.
Your pulse quickens,
and your heart pounds.
Let the hell begin.
They'll eat the young,
and ravage the old.
They'll pick the life,
right off your bone.
Their weaknesses,
are never shown.
Demons rise up,
from the ground.
The hell hounds make,
unholy sounds.
Your pulse quickens,
and your heart pounds.
Let the hell begin.
Hell will retire,
for the day.
The demons and beasts,
all go away.
Fear for the night,
when Hell likes to play.
**wrote this at 2am, tear it up!**
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125,016 Literary Works • 672,851 Reviews
Hello there! So, the way the lines are so short I can almost see this as a rap with the chorus being sung, but that's just the way I interpreted it. It also seems metal rock. Like the above reviewer said, it would be awesome to know the genre to help figure how it will sound/flow.
In the first stanza with the lines "The pits of hell/emerge and fright" what did you mean? The pits of hell really can't come out and scare people although the things in them could. Please clarify. In the third stanza after the first chorus, with the lines "They are quiet/a gruesome sight" did you mean "quite" instead of "quiet"?
I recommend adding a bridge (or as some people call it The Breakdown) to add a little variance from verse/chorus/verse/chorus.
These lyrics have a very solid chorus and concept. Put some music to it. It would sound really cool with ghostly sound effects (howls, screeches, haunted-stuff).
Hello, Emm.
This really doesn't make much sense.Bone should be plural.
I love this chorus.
This was good, I just wish I knew what genre this would belong in. You should put the chorus in italics though so people like Anger won't get confused. The only thing I can really consider is giving the reader what genre this is or a song that could relate to it.
ReisePiecey!
Hey Emaly
Emerge and fright? That makes no sense although I know you did it for the rhyming scheme, it just doesn't work. Cut it.Let the hell begin seems very weird and awkward. Perhaps you could rephrase.
How is their being quiet a gruesome sight...Instead of telling perhaps you could have a few lines about what they looked like. The last too lines don't quite fit.
I swear I've read this paragraph before *checks* yes, I have. Repeating a line is okay but a whole paragraph is a bit too much.
I didn't find a problem with the next stanza.
O_o the third time....
This wasn't the best work I've seen but It isn't the worst.
My only annoyance was the repeating of the same thing throughout the entire pieceI didn't know that these were lyrics but still, you could have put them in italics or something to make them different from the rest of the song.Anger
P.S I thought this was a poem for a while there.