I am just me and my shadow,
all alone.
My shadow does seem nice,
she follows me where ever I go.
We play hide-and-go-seek,
and tag.
I sometimes win,
sometimes she will win,
maybe we could be friends?
The sun goes down and my shadow goes away,
I am back alone.
The darkness creeps up on me,
and makes me want my shadow,
so I turn on my night light to mabey see my shadow,
but she is sleeping on the ground.
I put my only blanket on her shivering body.
I turn off the light and lie on my bed.
The coldness and darkness surounds me,
Pulling on my hair,
whispering evil things making me cry.
Nobody hears me and I try to stop crying
my shadow needs to sleep,
And eventually I fall also do.
The sun comes up and my shadow wakes up with a friend,
and I am not alone.
It's not just me and my shadow.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,840 Reviews
Good work. I enjoyed reading your poem. It was quiet interesting.
I like it how you put in that you play games with your shadow...that's sweet.
I could imagine what was going on quite clearly, and I love your poem.
You have a good concept in your poem.
Keep writing.
Good poem, good concept, just a few tiny little mistakes:
so I turn on my night light to *maybe see my shadow, (common mistake)
And eventually I fall also do. (not exactly sure what you were trying to say, maybe "eventually I also fall asleep" or something?
Other than that, good work. =)
I like your picture!
Hello, here to review!
"I sometimes win, she sometimes will win," < This line is not only incorrect grammatically, but it's also a little blunt and bland. I'd consider altering it a little.
"The darkness makes me want my shadow,
so I turn on my night light to mabey see my shadow," <The use of "shadow" in the second line is redundant and breaks the rhythm, so I'd replace it with "her." Also a typo on the word "maybe."
I would've liked a little more imagery, but I loooovvveeee the ending! I can't even explain it, I just wasn't expecting it. Get rid of the "but" in the last line though. Now perhaps I'm missing something, but who else is there now? I'm assuming that the mystery of it is intentional, but now I'm curious haha. In any case, this poem's a little dry but I love the concept, so my suggestion would be that you keep flourishing with a few details until it sings and has rhythm.
Keep writing!