Young Writers Society

Hi i im here to drop off an review!!

okay lets get started

First off nice good characters in your story but this would be good to start a novel with this story and add like some good characters that would be good wit it and should of been a novel and i also want to say it was short to be a story but you should of add more to that but i guess is your story but i was giving my opinion on what i have to say and i also have a good line The midnight blue night sky is carefully dotted with handfuls of bright luminescent white dots. It is as if a great, unseen hand had flung them carelessly from wherever they rest. This night spoke of promises. The stars whispered secretly to each other: like this was so good right at as soon i read it it was wonderful

my compliment is you can do better with writing story and fantasys and on based on what you writing and this was a good amazing story

how you could improve is writing more then just 3 paragraphs on a story but to me it was a short story but some people for them they would write more than 3 just saying


keep writing !!! review from jay

Hi! I'm here for a review.

I think that this work could be the start of a great novel. It seems a little too short for a short story. Don't get me wrong, the word count is fine, but you could have added more details like who exactly Lucille was, and which was the place she went to when the 'house became uninhabitable'.

I have to say, I love the imagery you use. It's just so amazing. I was enraptured by the first line itself.

Your words have a 'classic' touch to them, which I think worked really well in this. But if you decide to expand on this, I'm afraid that touch would not befit a novel.

Overall, this was an absolutely amazing piece.

Keep Writing!!!

Hey! Forever here with a tiny review!!

This was an interesting read. Let's get into it. The first sentence is fully in present tense. The first half of the second sentence is in present tense and the latter half is in past tense. Except these two lines, the whole story is in the past tense. So, what you have gotta do is to convert these two lines to past tense to match the tense with the rest of the story.

This one seemed to be quite an opening for a longer story. As of me, this didn't seem like a complete short story, so I would suggest to expand it and make it a complete one. Like there were many a things in the story which seemed to be very vague, vaguer than it should be. Made me wonder a lot.

First of all, I wonder about Lucille Boudreaux and her occupation. If I am not wrong, which I think I am, her occupation might be astrology or something like that. It relates the stars to certain events, so that can be a thing. Now I wonder about her home. What's wrong with the home and why didn't she like staying at home? I am a bit clueless here.

And even though everyone believed that she had finally reached her happy ending, she knew that this was just the beginning of a very long tale.

Hello, Sionarama!

This seems like a fairly great start to an interesting story, so far (I'm assuming you intend to add more to this, due to its length and the cliffhanger with which this ends).
I really like how it's written, better than the average, indeed. But I'd work on the shift in narration; how you've shifted the focus from the environment to the main character, Lucille. To me, it seemed abrupt, somehow. It's a subtle thing, but I sensed it either way. And this is just a suggestion.

I would also avoid generic or archetypal descriptions of things. I like the Cheshire Cat simile, but not the use of "midnight blue" in the introductory sentence, you know? Be inventive! Innovation is key in writing - because most of the time, we're all just figuring out new ways to say the same thing over again.

Overall, though, this a great piece. Good job and good luck!

-Max