The midnight blue night sky is carefully dotted with handfuls of bright luminescent white dots. It is as if a great, unseen hand had flung them carelessly from wherever they rest. This night spoke of promises. The stars whispered secretly to each other: “Tonight, is the night. Tonight is the night”. The night for what? What was the purpose of this night? Lucille Boudreaux, surprisingly for her occupation, had no ideas. This was not the night of promises to her, rather, the night of forgotten dates and yelling and broken glass and tears. The stained wine glass in her hand was still chipped from the last whispered conversation, the last anger and running away. Fortunately, Lucille always had a place to go when her house became uninhabitable for her.
And how uninhabitable it was! When she was just a small child, she dreamed and longed and wished for what she had now, in this small house, in her bed. The night air hung heavily around her and it was almost too much to breathe. Thankfully the cricket’s’ chirping assured her of her sanity and that she was awake, she was not dreaming, and her life so far had not been a dream.
The moon hung deep in the sky and smiled wide like a Cheshire cat, beautiful and serene, but not all together welcome, either. These were the nights when Lucille could not tell whether she was awake or dreaming, if she even existed. She was living a fairy tale, but a life she wasn’t meant to have. And even though everyone believed that she had finally reached her happy ending, she knew that this was just the beginning of a very long tale.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Hi i im here to drop off an review!!
okay lets get started
First off nice good characters in your story but this would be good to start a novel with this story and add like some good characters that would be good wit it and should of been a novel and i also want to say it was short to be a story but you should of add more to that but i guess is your story but i was giving my opinion on what i have to say and i also have a good line The midnight blue night sky is carefully dotted with handfuls of bright luminescent white dots. It is as if a great, unseen hand had flung them carelessly from wherever they rest. This night spoke of promises. The stars whispered secretly to each other: like this was so good right at as soon i read it it was wonderful
my compliment is you can do better with writing story and fantasys and on based on what you writing and this was a good amazing story
how you could improve is writing more then just 3 paragraphs on a story but to me it was a short story but some people for them they would write more than 3 just saying
keep writing !!! review from jay
Hi! I'm here for a review.
I think that this work could be the start of a great novel. It seems a little too short for a short story. Don't get me wrong, the word count is fine, but you could have added more details like who exactly Lucille was, and which was the place she went to when the 'house became uninhabitable'.
I have to say, I love the imagery you use. It's just so amazing. I was enraptured by the first line itself.
Your words have a 'classic' touch to them, which I think worked really well in this. But if you decide to expand on this, I'm afraid that touch would not befit a novel.
Overall, this was an absolutely amazing piece.
Keep Writing!!!
Hey! Forever here with a tiny review!!
This was an interesting read. Let's get into it. The first sentence is fully in present tense. The first half of the second sentence is in present tense and the latter half is in past tense. Except these two lines, the whole story is in the past tense. So, what you have gotta do is to convert these two lines to past tense to match the tense with the rest of the story.
This one seemed to be quite an opening for a longer story. As of me, this didn't seem like a complete short story, so I would suggest to expand it and make it a complete one. Like there were many a things in the story which seemed to be very vague, vaguer than it should be. Made me wonder a lot.
First of all, I wonder about Lucille Boudreaux and her occupation. If I am not wrong, which I think I am, her occupation might be astrology or something like that. It relates the stars to certain events, so that can be a thing. Now I wonder about her home. What's wrong with the home and why didn't she like staying at home? I am a bit clueless here.
This is the line I wonder the most about. Thid seems to be a very mysterious one and if I am not wrong, is she dead by any means? I mean ending here might actually mean death and the beginning signifies the beginning of afterlife. I am a bit confused here. Like the rest of the story doesn't show she is dead but here it suddenly appears to me that she is dead. I would like clarification on this. Also, I would like to know why you put it in the fantasy genre.
What I really liked was the descriptions. The descriptions of the setting was great. I like how you incorporated nature in the story.
Overall, this was a good one. You have just got to provide explanations a bit more to make it clearer.
Keep Writing!!
~Forever
Hello, Sionarama!
This seems like a fairly great start to an interesting story, so far (I'm assuming you intend to add more to this, due to its length and the cliffhanger with which this ends).
I really like how it's written, better than the average, indeed. But I'd work on the shift in narration; how you've shifted the focus from the environment to the main character, Lucille. To me, it seemed abrupt, somehow. It's a subtle thing, but I sensed it either way. And this is just a suggestion.
I would also avoid generic or archetypal descriptions of things. I like the Cheshire Cat simile, but not the use of "midnight blue" in the introductory sentence, you know? Be inventive! Innovation is key in writing - because most of the time, we're all just figuring out new ways to say the same thing over again.
Overall, though, this a great piece. Good job and good luck!
-Max