Nate Reneve gaped at his older brother for a long moment. Karl was leaning back in his large black chair, looking at him levelly. He couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. After all these years of fighting with Meyer, looking for every opportunity to cause him trouble, now they were teaming up. “You gotta be shitting me.”
“It’s not for long… we’re going to take Resnick down, then Meyer shouldn’t take much longer.”
“Are you listening to yourself?” Nate said angrily, narrowing his eyes. “Meyer’s been screwing you since he was just a little fucker in high school, and now you want to work with him? After he kidnapped Ronny?”
“I had a talk with him about that.”
“You should’ve put a bullet in his head.”
“I thought about it,” Karl said thoughtfully. He scratched his chin, shrugging off his younger brother’s accusatory glare. He’d fully planned on shooting Meyer in that cabin, along with his friend and his old woman. He wasn’t entirely sure what stopped him.
He just couldn’t seem to pull the trigger, when he looked down into the girl’s wounded eyes and saw all the hurt that Resnick had put there. He’d met Sadie once or twice before. He didn’t see her often—Meyer was much too careful for that—but he remembered a livewire full of spunk. Not a bruised, trembling, stuttering little girl. She seemed as vulnerable as Ronny was, under his tough guy act.
“Then why didn’t you?”
Karl looked at Nate for a moment, then shrugged. He wasn’t about to tell Nate that he’d been ambushed by a fit of compassion. He wasn’t even sure what it was about her that messed with his mind so badly. He should’ve just shot her and put her out of her misery. “I started thinking that it’d be good to kill two birds with one stone—use Meyer’s knowledge to bring his boss down, and get him to trust me enough that he won’t be expecting me to shoot him the instant it’s over.”
“I still don’t believe Resnick’s not in this.”
“I do,” Karl said. He frowned at the shiny surface of his desk, recalling the look in Sadie’s eyes. Meyer could’ve fabricated his story; and he certainly wouldn’t believe anything that came out of the other one’s mouth—the Hynes boy, Karson. He didn’t trust him as far as he could throw him. But there was no way Sadie could fake the hurt in her eyes. He looked up at Nate. “Meyer’s loyalty is to his woman, and to her alone. He’ll shift sides as often as he needs to, just to keep her safe.”
“I still don’t like it.”
“You don’t have to,” Karl said, his voice getting cold as he noticed one of his guards waiting near the door. He wasn’t about to share his observations when any of his men could hear. He had to be a cold as possible if he wanted to keep their respect. “All you have to do is shoot who I tell you. Now go deliver that shipment, like I told you.”
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Meyer buttoned the sleeve of his shirt as he waited out in the hall for Resnick to be ready to go. He pressed his back against the wall, his shoulders perfectly straight, and waited in silence with his hands folded in front of him.
The atmosphere in the house was thick. As Meyer’s eyes flicked down the hall to his left, he saw three of the other men who worked for Resnick staring at him. The moment he narrowed his eyes they all instantly pretended to go back to their own work, packaging up various drugs for market.
A man down the hall to his right ducked into the small storage room as soon as he felt Meyer’s eyes on him. Meyer slowly took a deep breath and focused on slowly releasing it as he focused his gaze on the floor in front of him. By now all of his coworkers had heard about Sadie – some with closer to the real story, some with what they heard from Resnick – but they all seemed to expect an explosion.
The door opened and Mr. Resnick strode out. He looked at Meyer uneasily. “You’re sure you’re okay to work today?”
“I’m fine,” Meyer answered tersely. “I worked yesterday.”
“Yeah, but…” Meyer lifted an eyebrow challengingly. Resnick shrugged. “I assume this means Sadie is doing better?”
“Seems to be, yeah.” Meyer nodded. “She’s going to have to wrestle with her demons for a while, but she can go longer than ten minutes without a meltdown now.”
Resnick cringed, his conscience attacking him again. He nodded slowly. “Well… glad to hear she’s starting to feel better.”
“Yep.” Meyer fell into step next to Resnick. Resnick glanced at him uneasily, and silently ordered Lukas to join them as they strode through the kitchen and out the back door. The three men paused in the edge of the drive way, next to Resnick’s car.
“Why don’t you drive, Mey?” Resnick suggested, holding up the keys.
“Sure.” Meyer shrugged and took the keys, forcing his shoulders to relax as he walked around the front bumper and got into the driver’s seat. He was relieved that Resnick wanted him to drive. Usually his position was in the backseat keeping watch, while Lukas drove. Meyer wasn’t sure he’d be able to control his temper if he had to sit next to Resnick for long.
Meyer took the directions and drove in silence to the destination. In the back he could hear Lukas and Resnick talking in hushed voices, but he couldn’t tell what they were saying. He glanced at them in the rearview mirror from time to time, mostly just to be sure they weren’t brandishing a gun at the back of his head.
When they arrived at the front of a rundown lingerie shop Resnick sent Lukas in first, and then gestured for Meyer to follow. Before he attacked Sadie Resnick always wanted Meyer to go in first, to be sure everything was safe. Now it was clear to Meyer that he’d lost Resnick’s trust—both to clear the room, and to cover his back.
After Lukas had taken a look around, Resnick walked into the back room with the owner of the shop, ordering Meyer and Lukas to stand guard out front. The two men with their backs to the entrance of the backroom, looking out the store.
Meyer was glad they were the only people other than the owner’s wife in there. It seemed like people might get the wrong idea if they saw him and Lukas together in a lingerie store. Meyer carefully kept his gaze fixed on one of the less awkward mannequins directly in front of him, refusing to look at Lukas or anything else in the store.
“So, uh,” Lukas started slowly. Meyer bit back a sigh, still refusing to look at him. “Sadie’s doing better?”
“Yep,” Meyer answered crisply. He found himself hating Lukas almost as badly as he hated Resnick. He still hadn’t gotten a chance to see his side of the story, but from what he’d gathered from Karson and Sadie, Lukas was as much at fault as Resnick was.
“That’s good…”
Meyer glanced at him irritably, then returned his gaze to the mannequin.
“Did you, uh… figure out who did it, yet?”
Meyer snapped his gaze back towards Lukas, eyes narrowing into a glare. “I thought you said you didn’t know who did it?”
“I don’t,” Lukas lied quickly. He glanced out the window, then shrugged. “I just know you, and I figured you’d find whoever those punks were that we chased off.”
“I don’t think you know me nearly as well as you think you do.”
“Let’s hope not,” Lukas muttered under his breath. Meyer heard.
I’m sure you do hope not, Meyer thought. You’re right at the top of my list, too, and it looks like you know it. Asshole.
There was an awkward silence between them, as Lukas seemed to be trying to think of something else to say. Meyer had no desire to talk anymore. His hand was trembling ever so slightly with the effort it took to keep his voice and facial expression neutral. All he wanted to do was shoot Lukas and move on to Resnick—yet he knew that he had to be smarter than that.
From the little bit they’d spoken between Karson getting back to the apartment after getting his things from his place and Meyer having to go to work, he’d learned that apparently the older Hynes brother was in league with Resnick.
Meyer knew what he was up against when it came to Resnick—right now it was Lukas and a car with several other guards that had been following them since they left the safe house. He figured there were other men with Karson and Sadie. But he didn’t know what he was up against with Avery, and it didn’t seem like Karson was entirely sure, either.
Meyer took a deep breath and willed himself to focus on the job at hand. Right now all Meyer needed to do was gather information about when Resnick would be weakest, and come up with a plan that would bring him to his knees. If Meyer had to bring Avery down in the process, then so be it.
Resnick briskly strode out of the backroom, followed by the owner of the shop, jerking Meyer out of his thoughts. Lukas and Meyer snapped to attention, warily eyeing the owner and a small boy that came trotting out after him. Meyer fixed his eyes on the boy, committing his every feature to memory.
The boy shifted under Meyer’s unwavering gaze. Thin face, pale skin, blue eyes, blond hair that was several weeks past when it should’ve been cut—the boy couldn’t have been more than twelve years old. He looked a lot like the little boy in the alley when Meyer fetched Ronny. Meyer wondered if he would crack as easily as that boy had, and if he’d been in the meeting to hear anything useful.
Resnick stretched out his hand and shook the owner of the shop’s hand. “See you soon, Am.”
“Yup.” The man shook Resnick’s hand, before briskly turning and disappearing into the backroom. The boy lingered a moment longer, staring up at them with wide eyes. The owner’s angry voice came a moment later. “Ty!”
“Coming!” The young boy turned and bolted between the curtains that separated the store from the back room.
Resnick turned and started out the door, with Lukas and Meyer falling into step behind him. Meyer continued to refuse to look at anything in the store, but made sure to commit the storefront to his memory. He figured he’d be coming back here soon—preferably without anyone tagging along.
“Alright! Back to the house, Mey.”
“Sure thing, Boss,” Meyer answered. The drive back to the safe house was significantly less tense than the ride to the meeting had been. Meyer had too much to think about to worry about what Resnick and Lukas were planning. Instead, he busied himself with trying to figure out what the meeting could be about, and why he wasn’t invited.
He figured it was probably arranging another meeting—one he shouldn’t know about. One that was away from the lingerie shop or Resnick’s safe house. One that would make Resnick vulnerable. Meyer needed to figure out if another meeting was arranged, and how he would be able to run into that little blond again.
End of chapter
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Hey there, Hope here for review #2!
He couldn’t believe what he’d just heard.
He’d fully planned on shooting Meyer in that cabin, along with his friend and his old woman. He wasn’t entirely sure what (had) stopped him.
He’d met Sadie once or twice before.
As Meyer’s eyes flicked down the hall to his left Flicked might not be the best word to describe his eye movements. Flickered maybe, but flicked just doesn't fit.
as he focused his gaze on the floor in front of him. This makes me wonder what kind of a house he's in, is it a ghetto drug house with a dirty carpet or tile floors? Or a nice, normal neighborhood that no one would suspect that a big drug operation is running out of? If he's focusing on it, I want a little more detail.
Usually his position was in the backseat keeping watch, while Lukas drove. Meyer wasn’t sure he’d be able to control his temper if he had to sit next to Resnick for long. It kind of bothers me that Meyer isn't at all concerned that Resnick might suspect that Meyer know's what his boss did to Sadie. (If that makes sense. xD) Like he's typically the right hand man, yes? Then if he wanted to act like everything was normal wouldn't he say something about being demoted to driver, and not being invited into the meeting? That to me would bring up some red flags. I know Meyer doesn't want to draw any attention to what happened to Sadie, because he knows that it was Resnick who beat her. But serving as a different role than he normally does, and not having a problem with it seems out of the ordinary to me. Especially when it comes to drug rings/ cartels. Typically one person serves one job, especially those closest to the kingpin.
Meyer was glad they were the only people other than the owner’s wife in there. Super awkward phrasing here, you could have just said the store was empty, save for the owner's wife, or something like that. Consider revising.
He still hadn’t gotten a chance to see his side of the story, but from what he’d gathered from Karson and Sadie, Lukas was as much at fault as Resnick was. Again just watch your pronouns, they get very jumbled in this sentence.
From the little bit they’d spoken between Karson getting back to the apartment after getting his things from his place and Meyer having to go to work, The flow is thrown off by this sentence, I mean I get what you're trying to say. The two friends didn't have much time to chat after Karson returned from his apartment, but he did mention his brother being in league with Resnick. But I had to read this like three times in order to realize that's what you were trying to convey.
Meyer knew what he was up against when it came to Resnick—right now it was Lukas and a car with several other guards that had been following them since they left the safe house. He figured there were other men with Karson and Sadie. But he didn’t know what he was up against with Avery, and it didn’t seem like Karson was entirely sure, either. You repeat "what he was up against" very close to each other, which gives it an awkward feel. Also just the wording of this makes it difficult to read and comprehend immediately.
Meyer had too much to think about to worry about what Resnick and Lukas were planning. The "To think about to worry" is awkward to the max, consider rephrasing, perhaps he had too much on his mind to worry. Or his thoughts were too preoccupied plotting his revenge to worry.
So again with the confusing pronouns:
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I honestly can't tell who you're talking about here, Nate or Karl. I assume Nate, but it really could be either or.
And again with these sentences, too many pronouns.
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Where? When? I thought he and Meyer had been against each other since Meyer was in high school. So it confused me that he would have met Sadie as he and Meyer don't seem to be on very good terms.
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Which brings me to the next point I want to make, if you're going to write a story based around a drug dealing ring and one of the main characters being a hitman, I highly suggest watching some videos on the hierarchy of cartels. Also maybe try writing Meyer as more of a double sided character, his harsh murderous work self, and his adoring, loving husband self. I see a lot of his compassionate side with Sadie, but not enough of his coldblooded thug side.
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Sorry I'm so nit-picky, the overall story I like a lot, there's just a few minor things that really stick out to me. I think if you fixed the little details and really focused on the character's personalities, this would really improve an already good story.
Great job thus far, you've kept me interested and made me invested in the characters. That makes me want to find out what happens to them in the end. Hope this was helpful, as always if you have questions, please PM me, I love to discuss reviews and stuff! Always here to help! And I'm off to chapter 14!
Best wishes,
-Hope
I cant do an in-depth review because its long so i suggest that you create shorter story then you can get a lot of reviews ok lets go

1. you show a better understanding of a story background
2. you use that to your full capacity
3. not many people keep on series but you held on
4. i am loving the way your keeping paragraphs nice and neat
5.there arent any punctuation errors so keep that up to
Overall you should make more of these and dont stop for anyone