Meyer wasn’t having kids. He decided that as he buckled Ronny into the seat beside him and started toward the back road he needed, listening to the kid bellyache the entire time. A girl might be easier, he didn’t know—but Meyer certainly wasn’t going to take the chance.
“Uncle Karl—”
“Is going to kill me, yes, I know,” Meyer said irritably. “Do you have anything new to say?”
“Where are you taking me?”
“Guess not.”
“I don’t know who you think you are, but I promise you will regret this. My uncle already has a price on your head—”
“Yeah, I heard you going on about that. Seven grand, eh?”
“Yes,” Ronny hissed. “And it will probably go up now that you’ve done this.”
“Alright!” Meyer said with a smirk. “I used to only be worth three grand.”
“You’re insane.” Ronny looked like a small child that’d retreated to nurse his wounds.
“Maybe, but my value is going up in your uncle’s eyes.”
“As his opinion of you sinks lower.”
“Naturally. What caused the jump in price?”
“I’m guessing a match.”
Meyer chuckled. The previous year Mr. Resnick asked him to burn an entire patch of Reneve’s weed. Meyer enjoyed it. Reneve and Meyer had been at odds for many years— they liked causing each other difficulty, especially when that resulted in a loss of cash.
“Why am I in your car?” Ronny demanded. “I think I at least deserve to know what your plan is.”
“If I tell you, will you shut up?”
“Yes.”
“Fine,” Meyer said. He just wanted a few minutes of silence so he could think. “Plan is getting your uncle to help me with a project that’s bigger than I can tackle alone.”
“And so you kidnapped me… why?”
“You said yourself your uncle hates me—”
“And you think this will make him hate you less?”
Meyer looked at him flatly. “I think this’ll keep him from shooting me the instant he sees me, so I can do some talking.”
“Aw, you’re scared of my uncle. That’s cute,” Ronny said mockingly.
“In case you hadn’t noticed, he’s a lot better at killing people than your little friends are.”
Ronny fell into a brooding silence, glaring at the side of Meyer’s head. Meyer took a deep breath and slowly let it out. He hoped taking Ronny captive would work how he thought it would. If Reneve lost his temper and killed Meyer anyway, he could easily go after Sadie next.
“So you plan on waltzing into his office with a gun to my head?”
“I’m not telling you the details,” Meyer answered tiredly.
“Look, I think—”
“I don’t care what you think. Shut up.”
“Uncle Karl—”
“It’s not too late to put you in the trunk.”
Sadie glanced her iPhone every few moments as she stood in the kitchen, stirring a pitcher of lemonade she’d made from a mix. It was starting to get dark and she hadn’t heard from Meyer since noon, when he texted her to ask how everything was at their house. She wished he’d just call, even for a few moments, so she could hear his voice again and know everything would be alright.
“I don’t see why we can’t get just get a pizza,” Sadie said with a sigh. She poured two glasses of lemonade then turned and set the pitcher in the fridge.
“Because it’s not safe.” Karson walked over to the kitchen and took the sandwich and glass of lemonade that she held out to him. “Thanks.”
“When is Meyer coming back?”
“I don’t know.” Karson sat down on the couch.
“Where did he go?”
“Dunno.”
“I don’t believe you.”
Karson shrugged, taking a bite of his sandwich. “I don’t care… this is good.”
“Karson,” Sadie said irritably. “Meyer’s been gone for over twelve hours.”
“Yes.”
“That doesn’t concern you at all?”
“Not as much as it seems to worry you,” Karson said tiredly. “We’ve been over this.”
“And we’ll keep going over it until you give me an answer.” Sadie sat down on the chair and glared at Karson. She appreciated that he’d acted as her body guard all day, being sure she stayed safe, but she didn’t appreciate that he’d practically put her under house arrest. And she definitely appreciate that he still refused to tell her what Meyer was doing.
“Sades, you know I can’t tell you.”
“You can,” Sadie growled. “And you will. Now.”
Karson looked at her with a sympathetic smile and a shrug. Sadie sprang to her feet, suddenly extremely angry. She wanted to know where her husband was. She took several threatening steps toward him, until she was looming over the couch. She kicked his leg.
“Sadie--”
“Tell me where my husband is!”
“No.”
She balled up her fist threateningly. He stood, instantly towering over her, glaring down into her eyes. Her voice began to raise as she drew herself up to her full height. “You’re going to tell me.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are!” She nearly shouted.
“I’m—”
A knock at the door made them both fall instantly silent. Suddenly Sadie forgot how to breathe.
“In the bedroom,” Karson ordered.
“No.” Sadie grabbed her pistol from the coffee table and moved to the corner of the room where she would be hidden from the doorway. Karson opened his mouth to argue then seemed to think better of it and shook his head. He moved to the door and carefully opened it, being sure to keep his body hidden from sight.
“Let me in,” Meyer ordered as he pushed the door open. Karson pulled it the rest of the way open, allowing Meyer to wrestle Ronny into the living room.
“Meyer!” Sadie bolted from the corner.
Meyer pushed Ronny a few steps forward and turned to wrap his wife in a hug as she ran into his arms, pulling her close to his chest. “Sades!”
“I’m glad you’re okay.” She hugged him tightly, then suddenly pulled away and slapped him. “Don’t ever do that again, you big idiot.”
Meyer seemed startled. “What was that for?”
“I have been sitting here all day, worrying myself—dear god, I’m turning into my mother.” Sadie hugged him again. “Who’s the kid?”
“Ronny.”
Sadie looked at Ronny critically. “You don’t look like Reneve.”
“Don’t worry,” Meyer said. “He’s got an even worse mouth.”
“Wonderful,” Sadie said sarcastically. “Do you want some lemonade, kid?”
“Screw you.”
“No, I wasn’t offering that,” Sadie said, glaring. She glanced down at her hands, seeming started to realize she was still holding a gun. She held it awkwardly for a moment before setting it the nearby table. Sadie turned back to Meyer. “What now?”
“Now, I make a phone call,” Meyer answered.
“Uncle Karl—”
“I swear I will cut out your tongue and shove it down your throat if you don’t shut up,” Meyer said, sticking his finger in Ronny’s face. Meyer gestured at the couch. “Just go sit down and be quiet.”
“…I take it he’s been annoying you?” Sadie asked, as she grabbed Ronny’s arm and pushed him toward the couch. Ronny stiffened for a moment, then melted under the combined glares of Meyer and Karson and resentfully walked to the couch and sat down.
“You have no idea,” Meyer muttered. “We are never having kids.”
“Agreed.”
“Good.” Meyer pulled his cellphone out of his pocket, sighing as he searched through his contacts for Karl Reneve’s number.
Sadie bit her lip as she watched Meyer press his phone to his ear, waiting for Reneve to answer the phone. She focused on keeping her breathing steady. She looked at the skinny kid on her couch. She didn’t know what Meyer’s plan was, but she hoped the kid didn’t have to die in the process. He seemed like a jerk, but he was only a teenager. There was always time to outgrow personality flaws.
“Hey, Karl, this is Meyer Lovett,” Meyer said at long last. Sadie took a step nearer to Meyer so she could hear what Reneve had to say in response.
“What do you want, asshole?”
“To talk.”
“I’m not interested in talking to you.” The line suddenly went dead.
Meyer sighed, looking at Sadie. He had to make Reneve listen to him. Without his help there was no chance Meyer would be able to take vengeance on Resnick for what he did to Sadie. But he couldn’t let Sadie see how worried he was. He met her gaze then shrugged.
“What about the kid’s phone?” Sadie asked. She’d noticed that calling Ronny the kid made him set his jaw and glare at her, so she made sure that she did it as often as she could. He was only a few years younger than herself, but it was enough to be able to annoy him.
“Good idea, Babe,” Meyer said. He fished Ronny’s phone out of his own pocket where he’d put it to keep Ronny from calling Reneve. He walked over to where Ronny sat on the couch. “Unlock it.”
“Bite me.”
“Don’t tempt me.” Meyer smacked him in the head. “Stop being difficult.”
“Stop holding me captive.”
“The sooner you cooperate, the sooner we can get you back to your uncle.” Meyer said, taking another step closer to loom threateningly. “Trust me—we’re not keeping you here because any of us enjoy your personality. The sooner you can leave the better.”
Ronny glared harder. “Why should I help you?”
“So you can—I’m sorry. So I can go get killed by your uncle sooner.”
Ronny sighed loudly. “Whatever. Give it here.”
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Hey hey! Here to review.
I like where this is going. I'll admit that I couldn't find that many nitpicks here; nitpicks that others haven't pointed out already. But I'll mention three nitpicks here vvvv
I added the on in this sentence. It was missing it before.
Babe doesn't have to be capitalized here. It's not the first word in the sentence. Sort of like using the word "sweetheart" or "honey."
I'd just add a comma after "leave."
Also: this chapter changes scenes too, and so I'd suggest chapter breaks (spaces or dashes). I won't go into detail why here because I remember saying this in the last chapter too. But yeah, I think the breaks will help with the scene switches.
Another thing: this chapter's been pretty heavy on dialogue, which is fine. It helps move the story along. I just think paying a little more attention to the environment would be beneficial. Mention a few things here and there about the surroundings. I feel like the description's sort of taken a backseat in this chapter. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant, just something to help readers know where this is taking place.
For example, the whole car scene with Ronny and Meyer. Were they in a parking lot? Behind some building? Were people around? And if so, did anyone see them? I think anyone kidnapping someone would be on high alert for witnesses. So they'd show their caution in their actions, so maybe Meyer would haul them both away to some secluded spot or he'd keep shushing Ronny. Something to let us know what's going on around them, not just between them. Make sense?
Overall, this was a pretty nice chapter. Writing was as lovely as always. You really know what you're doing with your characters. I see now why Meyer's taken this job on; he's realized he needs help with taking down Resnick, so he's reaching out for some help. AKA peeps like Reneve. This is pretty smart, honestly. It makes for a greater chance of actually succeeding. It'll be interesting seeing this Reneve guy (assuming he'll agree) team up with Meyer and co. I also wonder if Meyer will try to recruit others?
Totally enjoyed reading this. I cannot wait for the next chapters! Feel free to tag me when you post next; I really appreciate it! PM me if you ever have any questions. I hope this review has been helpful! KEEP KEEP writing
-comrie
Hey Shady!
This is probably going to be another one of those very short reviews from me because once again there really isn't too much for me to say! This was a very good chapter. Apart from one awkward transition we are starting to get to see Meyer's attitude which has started to paint him as the typical strong, bad guy who doesn't mind dabbling on the other side of the law at all. And we are starting to see Sadie as maybe a girl who is behind the scenes and worrying, but she does stand up for herself as well and I really like that. She hasn't fallen into league with the damsels in distress who can't do anything about their situations but actually tries her best to know what is going on and fend for herself. Even when Meyer brings Ronny home she doesn't seem too alarmed although her thoughts still show that she has a conscience. I like that ^^
A key thing I still feel like I am missing out on when it comes to your chapters are the feel of setting. Even when Meyer is in the car with Ronny, apart from the double mention of them being in a car during the conversation, they really could be walking along and talking for all I know. There really isn't enough description there to satisfy me. The same goes for the house. They have spent quite a lot of time in there but apart from there being a bedroom and enough furniture to get by I really couldn't tell you any more about the place they live in. So maybe that needs a bit more attention as well?
One thing that could help with the setting is the fact that I think there is a bit too much dialogue in this novel so far. I am getting all the necessary actions and all for the story to be progressing and working towards a good plot, which is great. But I think slowing down and having the descriptions there or simply just some more wording on actions - improving the writing style - could really help as well. Each chapter is majority dialogue and it would be nice to mix it up a bit more.
I wasn't sure how Meyer was saying that first word until I read the second part of his speech. I am assuming you mean the long drawn out kind of alright that I could only compare to when the cliche kind of surfer says. "duuuude". xD If that is the kind you are referring to instead of the sharp be-quiet-kind-of-alright then maybe you want to say Meyer drew it out to form two syllables as he smirked, or write it as "Alriiiight". Breaking the roles is okay a bit, but it depends what kind of writer you are
Please, pretty please write some more Shady! I would definitely love to read it and keep up with this novel. It has such a promising beginning!
Deanie x
Here again! And for the last time. o.0 Someone needs to come out with some more chapters.... *hintshints*

So this is yet another chapter that requires me to dig particularly deep to find anything to say besides the compliments, which, like your other chapters, isn't easy to find. These are so good! Your book continues to get better with each chapter. I particularly like this new kid, Ronnie. He's funneh, and even though his mouth is kind of filthy, it adds to his character and in the end, makes him. And his uncle seems just like him, judging from the little blip I got in the phone call.
I'll just read through and do as always - see what I find as I read along.
So as I'm reading through this, and with the whole thing with Reneve, I feel a bit lost... like I'm swimming in something I don't recognize, don't know. I think you need to work on your world-building in the previous chapters, working on the relationship (or lack thereof) between Meyer and Reneve, so that when we get to this chapter and the tension between them, we don't feel like we're scrambling to figure out what's going on. All it needs to give the book new light is to spend a bit of time focusing on Resnick and what he does (not in his free time, tho. >>) as the business, what Meyer does for him, how Reneve plays into the mix, etc. And more than these occasional blips where you mention some tension between them. It just needs... more. I'd say to pay more meticulous attention to the relationship between Meyer and Reneve, because while we've had a lot of interaction between Meyer and Resnick, and so have a good feel as to what they think about the other and what they're boundaries are, etc. With Reneve, all the reader knows is that 1) Reneve and Resnick seem to be rivals? and 2) Meyer and Reneve don't get along.
We need more than that. It isn't a big deal, I think, but in the upcoming chapters, I think this could use some more background on Reneve and Meyer. This is a first draft, too, so you have plenty of time to work on every aspect of this.
Comma after year
Soooo, here we are with the show/versus tell thing. In this case, it's not a matter of which one you should use, but that you're using both. The tagline - look at it. You tell us how Ronny is talking, his tone, how he says his words, etc. But the dialogue has already done all that work for him! The reader sees that he's mocking Meyer when he says that. So perhaps remove the mockingly, and then use that space there to build an image, seeing that you've already done a wonderful job building an emotion?
Cut suddenly. It has no purpose.
Comma after help, I believe
So Meyer is only twenty-four and Sadie is even younger? O.0 Um, that was not that age I envisioned them up to this point. I believe Meyer's age came up in the preceding chapter, and Sadie's somewhat did here, too. I think it's another point you need to work on, as I envisioned them much older - for example, with all that Meyer does. One wouldn't see him as twenty-four years old, because what he does would require someone of special training and experience... which a twenty-four year old would normally not have. So perhaps there's a tiny piece of their characters you could touch up on throughout your edits and future chapters? It's not a big deal, really, but it does need some touching up on, particularly when it comes to Meyer and how he does what he does for Resnick - and at such a young age.
Nothing else to be said for this chapter! It was beautiful, and I love the detail you give to the characters and the scene. With Ronny especially, I felt like I knew them - and I loved how you're building his character. All of his cursing and nasties thrown at them, while a bit off-color, is perfect for his character.
THIS IS MY 950th REVIEW.
~Darth Timmyjake
Hi, Ryu(Matt-Southbound) Cevenost here to Review!
Wow. I have to say, you think it needs help. I mean, not the best chapter, you could have made it slightly more intense, suspenseful, or dramatic. It seemed like you tried, but didn't figure out the right words to use for imagery. I mean, it's really good but in the beginning I was kind of.. Well, bored. I'm not trying to be mean, or rude or anything, I'm trying to give you an honest review! I mean, I'm not even sure if this should be a review, considering I really liked it. I've read the past chapters, and I will continue to read your new work! It's really good, and I'm hooked! REally, good plot, good story, and good grammar, and no miss spelled words! Keep going!
Sincerely, Ryu(Matt-Southbound) Cevenost